Blue Echo
by Myka
Summary: Yuri is a natare. A mermaid. He knows how to follow the rules that keep his kind safe. So why does a human dancer named Victor makes him feel like breaking all of them? Inspired by art and idea from applepiel.
1. Yuri, the monitor

The water was calm and warm.

Yuri liked the warmth. He was weird like that.

He swam just beneath the surface, stretching his right hand until his fingers were barely breaking the surface. It wasn't forbidden to break it while he worked, but if someone found out, he would have to take responsibility for it, and the punishment wasn't pleasant.

The yacht he'd been tracking had stopped moving over an hour ago. Yuri had hoped its pause was temporary, but it still lingered inside his watch zone, which made it his responsibility. He'd been working the arabesque zone since his coming of age three years ago and it had been an uneventful spot until today. Arabesque was going red today, and this yacht was in the worst possible spot.

The noise from the vessel had been low until now. For the past five minutes, muffled voices and pleasant sounds broke the surface, there was celebration, there was cheering. It filled Yuri with curiosity and before he knew it his nose was just an inch from the surface, his fingers tracing lines against it.

He remembered his mother's soft warnings.

 _"_ _Every natare is born with curiosity, being curious is not a mistake. We all want to know more of what's above the surface, but the price of our curiosity is something you may not want to pay."_

Yuri hadn't really understood the warning back then. He was merely a fingerling when his mother told him as such. It wasn't until he'd come of age and started working as a monitor that he understood. Seeing the foreboding shadows of the vessels above. Feeling the water becoming restless at their passing. Hearing the muffled noises and sounds outside the safety of the ocean. Yet none of these things had made him feel inclined to reach out to them, not until now.

 _"_ _Being curious is not a mistake."_

Another loud sound of sheer glee exploded from the vessel and Yuri swam up. His head breaking the surface for the first and only time since Takeshi dared him to do it the day before his coming of age. His heart had beat so loud back then, even if he did it in an area known to be safe, when the punishment wouldn't have been severe. He had never forgotten the infinite blue of the water and sky.

It was so different when there was no light.

It took Yuri a moment to adjust his breathing and take in the bright vessel in the dark. It wasn't as large as he'd initially thought, but still large enough that he couldn't see the humans on it, just hear them. Their sounds of blithe continued. Yuri once again felt an indescribable urge to see what they were seeing, what brought them so much joy?

Yuri swam to the side of the vessel, his left hand sliding against it. The ocean was no longer calm, the vessel moved up and down along with the restless water. Yuri knew the humans wouldn't notice. He couldn't warn them either. As the situation stood, if he was going to look — to do something stupid — he couldn't ask for a better moment.

Yuri's hands stuck to the yacht and he was able to pull himself up along its side, unseen in the dark. The sound of human music filled his ears, easing his fright of being seen. It felt like it was calling to him, closer, closer, and once his head went over the edge, the fear vanished.

Movement caught his eyes. Hands in the air swooping down in an arc. Feet sliding on a hard surface like it wasn't there. The movement matched the softness of the melody, and the melody became everything Yuri could think of.

A group of humans stood watching in awe as another human moved to the melody.

Yuri's hands gripped the rail tight, his eyes focusing on the display of human movement in front of him. The human moved like he floated, a weightless enthralling body. His long silver hair sweeping behind him. Like he was swimming, but there was no water around him.

Yuri couldn't help but feel the pull of the movement. The curiosity he'd felt suddenly being fulfilled. It was a feeling he couldn't quite explain.

The music stopped, and with it the spell of movement. The humans clapped while the dancer bowed with grace. His smile making Yuri sink his head back behind the edge.

The ship rocked back and forth. Maybe it had been a mistake to see.

 _"_ _The price of our curiosity is something you may not want to pay."_

Another melody started. Yuri pressed his head against the side of the ship. He wanted to watch the human more. See him move to the music. See the flow, and the dance. His curiosity had been filled already, so why did he feel the need to keep watching? Was this the price his mother had warned about? To know his beauty was about to be snuffed out and he could do nothing to stop it?

Yuri felt the water beneath the ship. Time was up. A somber feeling filled his heart and Yuri pushed himself with force from the side of the ship just as the burst happened. The seemingly calm water suddenly rose upwards with force, tipping the vessel sideways. Yuri crashed into the ocean and swam away from the event. He was only the monitor after all, he wasn't supposed to get involved. The ship had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He turned around once he was at a safe distance, and witnessed all the humans that'd been just moments ago enjoying themselves, be flung into the dark water.


	2. Yuri, the natare

Human lives were so fragile.

Their screams gut wrenching.

Yuri detached himself from what was happening as the humans struggled in the water. Yet he didn't feel anything, not really, just a sort of shame that they looked so much like him and yet weren't able to survive through a level one submersion.

Once or twice the thought to intervene crossed his mind. It was a flicker of guilt inside him, to watch them die while he did nothing, but he couldn't do it. Saving humans… _That_ was absolutely forbidden. The punishment for it would not only be unpleasant, it would be final.

Once the vessel had sank. Once the cries had died out. Yuri broke the surface again, glancing around the debris left behind. He needed to count the items for the recovery team. Most of these things would end up sinking and could potentially harm the life below. As a monitor he had to try and remember as much of the items as possible and note anything harmful or useful to his kind.

Chairs, tables, plastic, all things he'd seen before in the storage caves. Things that needed to be cleaned. A few small human trinkets caught his eye here and there, those would be left to the expertise of the minute-objects team. The last thing Yuri took note of was a dozen or so floating jackets that the humans had been unable to utilize because the ship sank so quickly. These he needed to collect and sort together as a group for retrieval.

Yuri tied the fifth of the jackets to form a group and swam for number six when he stopped short his swim. A human was wearing the sixth one. He hadn't noticed in the dark. The human wasn't moving though, so it had likely already succumbed to the event. Yuri sank a little under the water, his eyes still above. He really didn't want to do what he had to do next. It was part of his job that if he found lifeless humans that hadn't vanished beneath the water, to make sure they did. That meant removing the life jacket from the human so it could sink.

Yuri took a deep breath and swam forward, leaving the group of jackets he had already collected behind. He gently grabbed the life jacket attached to the human and pulled it towards him. Strands of silver hair fell on his hand. Yuri let go as if bitten.

He sank down the water hastily and swam a few feet below. His heart beating loudly, his hand still feeling the strands across it. Why had he ran away? This was part of his job and responsibility. This was the first time a ship had sunk in his area. Some monitors spent their entire careers without any events. This was probably his only chance to show everyone he could do a good job as a monitor. Besides, the human was already gone. It would only take a few seconds to do what he had to do, then he could forget about everything.

Yuri took another deep breath and broke the surface again. _Just don't think_ , he told himself as he swam closer to the floating body. _Don't remember._

The jacket felt heavy when he pulled on it again. He lingered in front of the human, concentrating on the straps keeping him in the jacket. Yuri searched for a way to unbuckle them.

"Are you the rescue?"

Yuri froze.

He could hear everything. The slosh of the water. His heart in his ear. The human's shallow breathing. Why hadn't he heard it before? Had he been too distracted? Had he been—

"I don't remember you." The human's voice was barely a whisper, his eyes struggling to stay open. "Are you from the crew?"

Yuri just stared. He'd learned different human languages during his monitor training, but had never practiced it so he just shook his head.

"You don't have a life jacket? Stay close to me then." The human moved, and the strap Yuri had started unbuckling came off, making the human sink under for a second. The human quickly rose back up, his breathing broken, he coughed. "Do you see another life jacket? I don't think this one will hold us both."

Yuri tried vocalizing some words, the weak noise coming from his mouth something undecipherable. The human suddenly reached for him, fingers against Yuri's cheek. "It's ok, you can keep mine. I don't think I'm going to make it anyways." The human's fingers were warmer than anything Yuri had felt before. "Just do me a favor. There's a necklace around my neck. Take it."

Yuri held his breath while his fingers ran along the human's neck, finding the thin string of metal. The chain was long and it was easy to remove it from the man's neck and put it on around his own.

"If you survive, take that to my family."

"I will." Yuri found himself saying. His unused voice raspy and hesitant. He wasn't even sure he had said the right thing, they were his first human words after all.

The human smiled, his eyes closed again. Yuri unstrapped the final buckle and slowly watched him slip off of it. His head bobbing only once before sinking under the water.

Yuri forgot how to breathe. He couldn't save humans. He would be punished. He could be killed. It was better this way. Only a few more moments and the human's suffering would end. He would become part of the ocean. The world would never see him dance again. Yuri would never see him dance again.

Yuri took in a sharp breath. He would only be punished if they found out right?

Without thinking he submerged quickly, using his entire strength to swim quickly towards the drowning male. Grabbing his waist and pushing him up until they broke the surface again.

Yuri took a few seconds to catch his breath. His eyes never leaving the human's face. He had just saved a human. He'd just done something he could be killed for. So why wasn't he more frightened?

The silver haired male took in shallow breaths. His head resting on Yuri's shoulder. He was still in danger. Humans were not designed to survive in the water.

Yuri looked around at the remains of the sinking ship. Taking note of as much as he could see. This would have to be enough for his report.

He looked up at the moon and the stars, noting his position, and where he had to go.


	3. Victor, the human

Humans were heavy.

By the time Yuri had reached the island in his monitoring zone, he was exhausted, starving, and his entire body ached.

The human hadn't awoken since he started carrying it, and a few times Yuri thought the male had succumbed to the environment, until he felt the warmth of its breath against his neck which it made him swim faster.

The little island was surrounded by rocks and Yuri had some difficulty getting close to the land. His body squeezing past tight spots and sharp corners. More than once he felt the edges of rocks scraping his fin and arms and to make it worst the water here was impure.

By the time he had pushed the human atop one a large rock, the sun was already out and its warmth was dissipating the cold of the night. The human still slept, shivering in the remaining cold, so Yuri removed its top coverings hoping his skin would warm quicker.

Yuri stared at the human for the next few minutes, wondering why it still hadn't awoken. He even went as far as to give it some of the impure water and squishing some bugs between his fingers to feed it.

Yet none of this woke the human up.

Yuri sighed. He'd done all he could and he could no longer linger here, he had to return. He could try sneaking away tomorrow to see if the human had survived or not.

Yuri started heading back, squeezing through the same path he came, but soon realized the rocks felt closer to his body than before, even without the human.

The low tide. He'd miscalculated.

Yuri bit his lip and struggled back to the area where he'd left the human. The impure water wasn't going to kill him after all, getting stuck could.

Yuri rested his body next to the rock where the human was. He'd had to wait half a day for the tide to rise back up. He mushed more of the bugs crawling around and chewed some of them as well. It wasn't his ideal food, but it would have to do.

The sun was higher now, his skin should feel warmer, but the impure water wasn't letting his body adapt. His hunger was slightly abated, but he was starting to feel listless. He just hoped Takeshi wouldn't feel like checking on him today, if he did he would know Yuri wasn't where he was supposed to be. If that happened he'd have to lie, and he disliked lying.

Yuri kept thinking about everything that could happen. Thought by thought piling one on top of the other until their weight felt like a physical thing.

What had he been thinking rescuing a human? He'd risk his life for this human. Why? Why…

Yuri felt a warm brush of fingers against his ear and he turned quickly to blue eyes staring at him.

"You're real," the human said. "I thought I was hallucinating."

Yuri backed away, but his body hit rock. There was nowhere for him to go.

The human reached out again. "You look pale. Why are you in the water?" Yuri closed his eyes as fingers brushed against his neck and shoulder. "You're freezing! Get out of the water!" Yuri opened his eyes in time to see the human's arms reaching for him, without thinking Yuri grabbed both wrists, stopping the human and pushing him away.

The water sloshed around him with the movement. Yuri stilled. The silence stretched until the water calmed once again. "I can't," Yuri said weakly. That was a lie. He could handle being out of the water, it was one of the things they taught him in case of emergencies.

The human pouted then moved closer, reaching out for Yuri again. "You probably have hypothermia, you're not thinking straight." His warm hands grabbed Yuri's shoulders and pulled him forward.

"No! No…" Yuri couldn't help but remember the vow that been ingrained into him since he could understand. The words that were drilled and sworn when he was training to become a monitor. _We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us…_

Yuri struggled against being pulled, trying to pry the human's fingers from his arms, his fin splashing in the water.

The human let him go.

Yuri held his breath and watched the human's shocked blue eyes.

He'd seen it hadn't he? He'd seen what he was.

To Yuri's surprise the human reached out for him again, and Yuri almost welcomed the warmth spreading through his body from the touch. It was hesitant, but didn't leave.

"Why not?"

Yuri disliked lying. "I can't because I am natare. You call us mermaids."

The human pulled back and lied down on the rock. Yuri sank a little lower in the water, wishing he could run away. For a second he thought to say he had lied after all, but he'd crossed the line already, he had decided to save the human in the first place. Just another poor decision in a string of poor decisions he'd made in the past few hours.

"Do you have a name?"

Yuri wasn't expecting that. "…Yuri."

"Yuri…" The human offered his hand. "I'm Victor. Thanks for saving me."

Yuri sank under the water, quickly unsure why he had done that. He rose back up quickly and bumped his head against the human's stretched arm. The human smiled.

"Can I touch it?"

Yuri wanted to sink under again, but only did so down to his chin. "That is…" he flushed. Only his parents had touched his fin, and they'd stopped doing it years ago before he even came of age.

The human — Victor was he called? — tilted his head to the side in confusion. He really had no idea what it meant to touch Yuri's fin did he… Yuri pondered that for a second. If he had no idea perhaps it would not have the same meaning then.

Yuri took a deep breath and pushed himself up from the water. The sun biting his skin, he held his body up with his hands for a moment, watching as Victor's eyes widened in surprise to have a mermaid suddenly looking down at him. Yuri used the last of his strength to pull his fin out of the water and atop the rock, slowly lowering himself until he was lying on his side, face to face next to Victor.

For a moment no words were spoken.

Then Yuri panicked. He clearly hadn't thought this through, it was the first time his body had ever been fully out of the water. The thing he needed to live. Home. What was he thinking? He needed to go back.

Yuri started sliding back to the edge of the rock, when he felt Victor's hand on his fin. "Don't run." Yuri remembered to breathe again. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Statistically if you wanted to hurt me, you would have done it already."

"Statistically?" Victor laughed heartily.

Yuri felt his heart speed up at the sound.

"I guess it shouldn't surprise you know such words when you can speak my language," Victor's hand trailed down Yuri's fin. Poking it gently with curiosity. "It's smooth, and even colder than your skin. Is it always like this?"

Yuri didn't catch the question. He rested his head against the rock, the strain of the night leaving his body. Natare weren't touchy feely by nature, Yuri never understood why, it felt so nice to share space with someone else, to not be alone, to be touched.

Victor moved his hand away. "I think I should stop… sorry. I didn't mean—"

Yuri's' body felt entirely relaxed. The exhaustion of the night finally catching up to him, he wanted to sleep… but he couldn't. He started pushing himself back towards the water.

"Are you tired?" Victor asked.

"I need to wait until high tide so I can go home."

"I'll keep an eye out. There's no people here right?"

"No humans live here," Yuri hesitated, the words he was saying were too dangerous. "But I'm safer in the water even if..."

"If?"

"Impure water is not good for me."

Victor looked at the water, then took a sip. "It's fresh water. You can sleep on the rock. I'll watch over you."

Yuri sighed. He was so tired. He couldn't stay awake, but if he slept in the impure water he couldn't guarantee he'd be well enough to swim back home. But if he slept on the rock, he'd be completely exposed. He had to choose.

"What if they come for you? What would happen if they catch me?"

The look on Victor's eyes became somber. He tried to smile, but it was weak. "I'm embarrassed to say I don't trust my own species to be kind if that happens. I won't hurt you though. I promise."

Yuri rested his head on the rock. "My parents would only ever tell frightening stories about humans. When I was old enough I understood those stories were meant to make me afraid so I'd never think of speaking to them. Others like me… they say talking to humans is forbidden. They say humans hurt us, but you haven't hurt me yet. You said you weren't going to, but humans lie don't they? Are you going to hurt me after I fall asleep?

"No! I promised. You can't break a promise."

"Because I saved you?"

"I can leave if it'll make you feel safer."

Yuri looked up. The feeling of being alone suddenly worse than trusting this human. Before he knew it his hand had reached out and grabbed Victor's fingers. "Please don't hurt me."

He decided to put his trust and life in the hands of this human.

Victor.

And as warm fingers brushed against Yuri's hand, he hoped the decision wasn't his last.


	4. Yuri, wanting

The waves that crashed against the rock soothed Yuri's skin from the heat of the sun. High tide was back. Yuri moved and felt something roll off of him, it startled him until he saw a pile of large palm leaves falling to the water.

"Weird..."

Yuri raised himself up on the rock as high as he could but there was no sign of the human, Victor. For a crazy second he thought of calling out to him, but it was better not. He had saved the human, the human hadn't hurt him when he was vulnerable, they were even. It was time he went back home.

Yuri rolled his body back into the tainted water. His body felt stiff from being on the rock, but not too bad all things considered. He moved quickly between the rocks until he passed the barrier and was back in the ocean.

He took a deep breath. Being in the sea instantly made him feel better. He'd never been so long out of it, it was both a scary and an interesting revelation. That he could survive so long outside his habitat. That said, he'd like to avoid repeating the event if possible.

Yuri dove until he hugged the bottom, feeling the sand, and allowing the sea to wash away the last of the tainted water from his skin. When he felt better, he glanced back. The rocks from the barrier looked even more dangerous from below. He'd really taken a big risk saving that human and he still wasn't sure why beyond a rash impulse. Was it because he saw him dancing? Because he'd like to see it again? Or just because he wanted to ease away some of the guilt of not warning the ship when he knew they were in danger? Because he couldn't stand the thought that his actions had ended a life. He could still remember the feeling of his fingers unstrapping Victor from the jacket that kept him alive.

Yuri sighed. There was no point to these thoughts. He swam back to the surface, glancing at the island. He had no reason to be here so why was he still...

"Yuri! Yuri!"

Yuri's heart skipped a beat. _Victor..._ He swam quickly back to the rocks, reaching the barrier, but not crossing it.

"Yuri where are you?"

Victor was looking for him.

"Vi..." Yuri gulped, his hands grasping the rocks, hiding behind them. Everything he'd been taught stopped him from calling out. The vow of the natare kept repeating and repeating inside his head. _We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us..._

"Yuri! Are you ok? Yell if you need help!"

A human was searching for him. A human was worried about him. When was the last time anyone had done that?

"I'm here!" Yuri yelled. Pushing himself so he could see past the barrier. He saw Victor close to the rock he'd been sleeping on, he was walking hastily towards Yuri, precariously skipping over rocks, and almost slipping more than once.

Victor kneeled by the edge of the barrier when he reached Yuri. "You're ok. I thought you had drowned."

Yuri wasn't sure if to laugh or frown. He settled for something in between. "I'm natare, Victor. I can't drown. I sleep in the sea."

"Oh..." Victor seemed embarrassed. "You said the fresh water was bad for you, so I thought you had fallen in and maybe needed help."

Yuri noticed the human's clothes were soaked. "Did you jump in to look for me?"

"Of course! I thought you were," Victor paused, embarrassed, "drowning."

Yuri laughed this time. Victor smiled and sat on the barrier, his feet dipping into the sea next to Yuri.

Yuri paused for a second, allowing his body to move up and down along with the sea. Victor's feet. Human feet. He hadn't really taken a good look before... Yuri grabbed Victor's right foot without thinking. Victor yelped, then he started giggling as Yuri trailed a finger across the bottom of it. "Stop, stop!" Victor managed to say short of breath.

Yuri quickly let go, feeling a deep embarrassment. Just what had come over him? "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"No, no," Victor had tears on his eyes. Yuri wanted to touch that too.

"If you touch there it just makes me laugh," Victor explained. "Humans don't really touch each other's feet, but I touched your fin, so it's only fair for you to touch." Victor wiggled his toes and Yuri almost grabbed his foot again.

"That reminds me," Yuri said. "Did you put palm leaves on top of me?"

"Yes," Victor said proudly. "I didn't want you to get sunburned."

"Sunburned?"

"If you're skin gets exposed to the sun for too long, it can get damaged. Or maybe mermaids don't have that problem."

"My skin is fine?" Yuri wasn't sure what the right answer was.

"Then it worked." Victor smiled, and Yuri forgot about everything for that moment. This was so pleasant. A conversation where nothing was expected out of him. Where there didn't seem to be any rules.

Right... he was breaking the rules. Every second he remained here was another broken rule, another broken duty.

"I have to leave," Yuri said dejectedly. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. He hadn't expected the gleeful look in Victor's eyes to vanish either. "I have to report back or they'll come looking for me." Yuri explained.

"Report back?" Victor's voice had become cautious, and Yuri knew he had given too much away. A small tinge of fright trickled down Yuri's spine. This was dangerous. Giving information away. He knew that in the most common sense level, yet the words had simply slipped out.

"My family..." Yuri wasn't sure if he should say more or simply flee. It wasn't like Victor could follow him. If he just vanished he could forget this ever happened.

"They must be worried?" Victor offered as he leaned forward, his hands dipping into the water next to Yuri. Yuri's fright dissipated a bit, it almost felt as if Victor wanted to touch him, but he didn't know why. "How long do I have to wait until you come back?"

Come back? Victor wanted him to come back? Yuri had planned to never come back, the human was alive, he'd broken enough rules as it was...

"A few days." Why had he said that?

Victor groaned. "I can't believe I'm really stranded alone in a deserted island," he muttered.

"Other humans will probably find you before I return." Yuri tried to ease Victor's worry. It was true though, that other humans were likely searching. If not for Victor specifically, they would be searching for something from the ship's wreckage. He'd seen it many times before, but still Victor looked so unhappy... Yuri dove under, grabbing the largest sea shell he could find and giving it to Victor once back in the surface. "If they come get you, leave this pinned between the rocks of the barrier. That way I'll at least know you went back to your people."

"My people..." Victor murmured darkly.

Yuri wanted to asked about it, but didn't. He really could linger no longer, even if he wanted to stay...

Victor suddenly jumped in the water next to Yuri and wrapped his arms around the natare. Yuri was shocked at first, warmth spreading across his body from the places where Victor's skin touched his. This was different, he thought. This was... Yuri relaxed into the embrace, almost yearning for the warmth. "Thank you," Victor said against his ear. "Just in case I don't see you again, but I hope I do."

Yuri's heart beat a little faster, and when Victor broke the hug, Yuri could have sworn he felt the human's lips against his cheek. Victor's hands traced down his arms before moving apart.

Yuri lingered for a second, two, three, four. The vow of the natare echoed in his thoughts as he looked at Victor for one last time before diving under and swimming away as fast as he could.

 _We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us, they have to die._


	5. Yuri, reporting

It took Yuri less than a day to reach his nest deep in the ocean. The path to his home was dark and treacherous. His kind had lived here for centuries undiscovered and it was unlikely they ever would. Though in the past few decades some of the elders had expressed concerns that human advances could eventually discover them. That said the elders current worry was the humans abusing their habitat. Something that frankly scared Yuri, but without the danger he would have never been allowed to be a monitor.

His first stop was to report back to Takeshi what he had found during his shift. Yuri repeated everything he remembered from the ship, but there was much he'd have to lie about.

The monitor cave was the second largest in the nest, just a tad smaller than the sleeping and nursing caves. Takeshi was lecturing the group of six fingerlings that had applied to be monitors, the youngest one was only fifteen, it was the first time in the nest's history that they had allowed someone so young to start monitor training. Yuri didn't believe it should be allowed. Being a monitor was the most dangerous job in the nest, but also the most vital one. Even if the nature of the natare was to hide, they needed to be knowledgeable of the world above and also get supplies when possible.

The older fingerlings would start taking shifts within the year while the younger ones had a few more to go. Not all fingerlings that applied to be monitors got approved and even if you did, you had to three years to prove your worth. Yuri himself was still on probation, but his 24th year was almost here, soon he would know if he would remain a monitor or be relocated.

Four of the fingerlings spread out after Takeshi told them to go, the youngest stayed talking with him. The oldest spotted Yuri and headed straight for him.

"Hi, Leo." Yuri waved at the younger natare. "Still training?"

Leo nodded excitedly. Unlike Yuri, Leo was a natural to be a monitor, he had strength, he had speed, his memory was almost on par with Yuri's, and above all he already had a mater aman. He wasn't even an of-age natare, but he already had bonded, his future fingerlings would be born from a bonding pair. Yuri couldn't keep away the jealousy from his thoughts. Most natare were just satisfied with finding someone they tolerated, and if they were really lucky, have a fingerling or two.

Yuri kept his smile as Leo talked about the training they'd been doing. He was happy for Leo, he really was, he just wished he were as lucky. He wanted the power to make his own choices, but that was still in limbo while he remained in probation and still hadn't been branded.

The young blond natare finally stopped speaking with Takeshi and left the cave, but not before glaring towards Yuri.

"Leo, head to the sleeping caves," Takeshi ordered. "Group B is returning from their exposure and may need help in case they brought anything back."

Leo's eyes lit up. His aman was in group B. "See you later, Yuri!" he waved.

Yuri swallowed once he and Takeshi were alone. "Report," Takeshi ordered without wasting time. Yuri told him everything he dared while Takeshi took notes of the location of the wreck. How many trips from the retrieval team would it take to recover the items. Yuri was as detailed as he could recall, but he knew there were things he had forgotten, and hoped the things he was omitting weren't obvious.

Takeshi rubbed the bridge of his nose. "What happened, Yuri? You witness a shipwreck and I have literally less than one page of information about it." Yuri let the unsettling feeling seep into his bones. "You're the one that insisted on this path, do you have any idea how many uncomfortable conversations I've had with the elders about you? This was your chance, Yuri. I don't—" Takeshi stopped his rambling. Yuri fidgeted, this was going worse than he had originally thought. When it was all said and done, Yuri knew Takeshi was just worried about him, but that didn't stop him feeling like a complete failure and liar to boot. Was it really worth it keeping Victor a secret? "And what about that?" Takeshi pointed to Yuri's neck.

Yuri ran his hands across his neck and felt the locket Victor had given him. He'd completely forgotten about it. "It caught my eye," Yuri said cautiously.

"Well," Takeshi seemed to be at the limit of his patience. "It's normal for monitors to take a small object every once in a while. We just don't usually pick something so obvious that others can see." Yuri squeezed the locket. "You can keep it." Yuri felt relieved, but it was only momentary. He knew Takeshi wasn't happy with what he had returned with, and any other monitor chief would have given up on Yuri during his first year. Takeshi kept giving him chances, but there was only so much leeway he could give. On the eve of his 24th year Yuri had to be branded and if he couldn't be a monitor…

"Would being a mater really be so horrible?" Takeshi asked. Yuri winced, they've had this conversation a hundred times before.

"Is it so horrible I don't want to be forced to have fingerlings with someone I don't love?" Yuri snapped back without thinking.

Takeshi sighed loudly. "How can you know you won't love one of them?" There's plenty of of-age natare that are looking for a possible mater. Cristophe, Seung, Jean…

"I don't like any of them," Yuri bit his lip. "I just want what my parents have, what you have with Yuko."

Takeshi gritted his teeth. "Less than 5% of natare truly bond or find an aman. Your parents, Yuko and I are an exception, I'm sorry you grew up around impossible expectations, but Yuri," he stressed the younger natare's name. "I cannot in good conscience pass you as a monitor with what you have given me in the past three years. Our numbers become fewer and fewer every generation. Instead of fantasizing about falling in love how about thinking about the survival of your nest and that without new fingerlings, we are going to die out."

Yuri felt that dark pit he'd often felt when this topic came up. The one that made him wish he could just disappear. It was like it was his fault. His fault for not having the correct qualities of a monitor. His fault that his body had the affinity to be a mater that was almost to par with the female natare. "So I'll just become a mater who never leaves the nursing caves," Yuri exhaled. "Have as many fingerlings until my body breaks with someone I don't even like." The words were bitter, the tears in the corner of his eyes were bitter. _I'd rather be exiled_ , he thought.

"No one is going to force you," Takeshi tried to minimize the effect of his words. "But if you can't be a monitor the elders could—" he took a deep breath. This conversation always ended like this, with Yuri stressed, scared, and he feeling guilty, but what else could he do. Very soon he won't be able to protect Yuri anymore and they had to figure out what to do.

"Takeshi!" The little blond natare swam with urgency into the cave. "It's group B. They came into contact with something in their exposure and some of them are really ill. Yuko needs help."

Takeshi exchanged a glance with Yuri, their conversation would have to wait. He didn't waste any time rushing towards the sleeping caves. Yuri and the little natare followed.


	6. Yuri, out of place

The sleeping caverns were in full commotion by the time Takeshi arrived. Yuko was yelling directions at their daughters, and the three small fry were doing their best swimming from cave to cave delivering supplies and doing what their mother requested.

The sleeping caverns was a network of caves, both connected and separate, where the entire nest resided. The elders and their families resided in the largest caves above, while the rest of the nest lived in cluster caves of three to four families. Yuri's cluster included himself, and Takeshi and Leo's families. The first set of caves had no assigned families to them, they were just open to anyone for any reason or to take care of ill natare, like today.

There were five natare in group B. The four fingerlings that had been officially branded as mater's, and their exposure chief, Minako. Each of them rested in a bed of algae, their cries filling the cavern while Yuko, a nursing natare, tried tending to all of them at the same time.

"Yuko!" Takeshi reached his aman as she was giving a red-haired female natare an anti-toxin. She glanced at him over her shoulder, her eyes reflecting her delight in seeing him, but never missing a beat while she treated the ill group.

Yuri swam quietly further inside the cave, he had seen this type of illness before. Contact poisoning. Something invisible and colorless in the water until you came into contact with it. That the whole group had been affected meant the poison area had been wide and many more creatures would be affected by it, not just natare.

In the last algae bed near the back of the cavern Leo laid down, his arms wrapped around his aman, Guang-Hong. Yuri swam to them, he really was just in the way by being here, but Leo was part of his cluster, he wanted to check on him.

Guan-Hong took shaky breaths, his petite body pale and clammy, but unlike the other ill natare, Guang-Hong was quiet. Leo held Guang-Hong close, fingers gently rubbing the petite natare's skin. Only Leo could ease Guang-Hong's pain like this as his aman, as his bonded pair. Yuri had seen it before, in memories he barely recalled when his mother was sick and his father never left her side. When Yuko was having the triplets and Takeshi clung to her.

Leo placed a kiss on the back of Guang-Hong's neck. It was rare to bond so young, to bond even before coming of age. They had been inseparable from the moment they met and had bonded even before Guang-Hong had been branded as a mater. Their bonding story only theirs to tell.

The petite natare opened his eyes, and looked around for a moment, like he was searching. "I'm here," Leo whispered in his ear. Guang-Hong turned his head until his eyes met Leo's, his lips turning upwards into a soft smile and Leo embraced his aman tighter.

Yuri tried not to let the jealousy hit him, it made him feel wrong, it made him feel sad, it made him think of Victor.

"Yuri," Yuko placed a hand on Yuri's shoulder. "You shouldn't be here. Takeshi went to get the families of the others, their presence will help even if they have no amans, this place is about to get too crowded, Takeshi asked me to tell you to wait in the monitor cavern."

Yuri nodded. There was nothing he could do here but take up space. "Call for me if I can help," he still offered with a weak smile then left.

The cries of the ill natare could still be heard as Yuri exited the sleeping caverns and entered the tunnel that led to the monitor cavern. The tunnel was wide enough for two of three natare, but it was always a tight fit so Yuri was forced to slow as he spotted the blond fingerling resting at the halfway point between the two caverns. It was strange to be just doing nothing in the middle of a tunnel, but Yuri tried not to think too much about what went through the heads of fingerlings. The blond natare's eyes followed Yuri as he swam by. "Humans destroy everything," he said loudly. "Don't you agree?"

Yuri paused for a moment unsure if the fingerling was speaking to him at all, he was, his eyes expressing anger and something dark. "Some do," Yuri knew his words sounded empty, just like he felt.

The fingerling didn't appreciate the sentiment, his glare hardening. "I don't know how you ever became a monitor," he spat before swimming away back to the sleeping caves.

Yuri sighed and went on his way to wait for Takeshi. Once at the monitor cavern he sat on one of the rocks, his hands rubbing the locket. He'd had to return this to Victor if he made it back to the island.

Victor... Yuri hoped the human was doing well alone on the island. There was plenty of impure water to drink and lots of bugs to eat. Even if he had told the human he would return, the truth was that that was very unlikely. Yuri doubted he could disappear again without being caught, but he wanted to try. It's the only thing he could think about.

The locket suddenly popped open. Yuri panicked, thinking he had broken it, but it was just a secret compartment. Yuri looked inside and saw Victor. The image was hazy in the water, Victor's eyes looked sideways, his arm reaching out of the frame, strands of his long hair falling across his face. Yuri's heart fluttered and he remembered the feeling of Victor's skin as he took the locket, the weight of Victor's body as he held him above the water, fingers on his fin, and lips on his cheek.

Takeshi rushed inside the cave. Yuri closed the locket hastily.

"They're families are with them now," he informed Yuri without prompting.

"So they'll be fine?"

"Yes, they'll be fine." Takeshi rubbed his temple then swam over to grab the logs. "Come on, we have work to do."

They spent the next hour talking logistics for his next shift. Yuri would have to return to the area where the ship sunk and help the recovery team until they finished they're job. Once that was done he would return to monitor arabesque as usual.

Yuri acknowledged everything, a ball of uncertainty tugging inside of him. He apologized again for being unable to bring better information about the sunken vessel while being grateful about keeping Victor a secret.

Takeshi nodded then suddenly slammed the logs back in their place. Yuri flinched when Takeshi turned to look at him. "Yuri," his voice was very careful. "You can squeeze four, maybe five more shifts in arabesque before your birthday. You need to be ready."

The little ball of uncertainty suddenly turned to betrayal. "Are you saying you already decided?" His best friend, a natare from his cluster, the closest thing he had to family, it was a bitter betrayal.

"No—Yes" Takeshi suddenly sounded exhausted. "I just can't keep pretending Yuri, not for your sake. You need to realize that what you were trying to do by being a monitor is likely not going to happen. Even if I green light you as an official monitor, and I will, there are three other chiefs that have to approve you as well. You could be the greatest monitor we've ever seen, but once they look at your logs and see you're a mater…" Takeshi's eyes were red. "Instead of completing your last shifts you should spend the time you have left meeting possible partners. If you don't choose, someone will be chosen for you as soon as you're branded!"

"I know that." Yuri felt like he couldn't breathe. Everything that had been said was true. He had never been interested in being a monitor for the adventure or the prestige of the position. It was because it could protect him.

He still remembers the day of his pre-branding physical. Every natare had to go through it one year after reaching fingerling age. Yuri remembers waiting with a pair of clingy twins that would not stop whispering.

He remembers the look of glee the nursing natare had when she informed him he was a mater.

He remembers feeling like the world was out to get him.

He remembers crying in Yuko's arms when he told her.

He remembers feeling like an object on his coming of age pre-branding. The same day he applied to be a monitor.

"I'll think about it." Yuri finally said. Even if he didn't want it. He so didn't want it, but reality and what he wanted where two different things. Without thinking his fingers closed around the locket.

Someone cleared their throat. Yuri looked sideways to see the blond fingerling by the cavern entrance. "I'm here Chief Takeshi." The angry blond fingerling swam to be between Takeshi and Yuri, and crossed his arms. Takeshi looked as if he'd have enough.

"Yuri meet Yuri."

Yuri blinked. "Eh?"

The blond fingerling looked disgusted. Takeshi didn't miss a beat. "He'll be shadowing you on your final shifts."

* * *

NOTE: doesn't allow urls or images. This chapter includes fanart. You can find it on AO3, Wattpad, and my Tumblr (mykalovesbl)


	7. Yurio, the fingerling

Yuri blinked once, twice, thrice.

"Yuri," Takeshi called. Both natare in front of him turned their heads.

"Don't call me that!" the blond fingerling snapped. "Call me Yurio or Yura. I only have this name because his family is dead."

Yuri flinched. Suddenly he was five again, sitting on a corner of his family cave, covering his ears. "Forget me not," he whispered.

Yurio scoffed. Yuri glared.

It was an old tradition. To name newborn fry the same as a natare that had passed suddenly to keep their memory alive. Yuri's case was slightly different. In his case his entire family had passed, his sister, mother, and father. The next fry to be born had been named after him so Yuri wouldn't feel alone.

So this was him. It was the first time they met.

"I want to shadow someone else," Yurio addressed Takeshi as if Yuri wasn't even there.

"You're not even supposed to be shadowing anyone." Takeshi swam closer to the blond natare. He was almost twice as big as the fingerling and he wasn't taking none of its shit. "You haven't even had your pre-branding physical. The only reason you're allowed to shadow is because you're the grandson of an elder."

Yurio's cheeks became red. He bit his lip. "I'll tell my grandfather—"

"You do that," Takeshi was tired. So tired.

Yuri silently moved near the entrance of the cavern. He felt like he shouldn't b here for this conversation, but Takeshi hadn't dismissed him yet.

"I don't want to be in this group. I'll demand to be switched to another group," Yurio said.

Takeshi grinned. "You want to know why you are in my group? You really want to know?" Yurio's eyes hardened with rage. The eyes of a fingerling that had been granted every desire he wanted and wasn't familiar with the word no. "You're here because none of the other chiefs wanted a fingerling that hasn't even been pre-branded, even if they are the grandson of an elder. They took one look at you and they know you will be branded a mater. In their eyes, there is no point in training a mater to be a monitor, because the only thing maters are good for is making more natare."

Yurio shrunk at the words, and for a second he looked like the child he was. Yuri spotted small tears at the corner of the fingerling's eyes. "But he's a monitor," Yurio pointed at Yuri without looking.

"Because I'm here. I'm a chief willing to train a mater as a monitor. That's why you got placed in my group. Now do you want to keep complaining or are you going to shadow Yuri?"

Yurio bit his lip, his face downwards, but his eyes glaring upwards at Takeshi. "I'll shadow him, but only because I have no choice." He turned towards Yuri. "You better teach me properly," he grunted before rushing out of the cavern.

Takeshi groaned. "I feel old and my children are not even fingerlings yet." He sat by the logs, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe I was too harsh on him. He has proven himself many times over on the training exercises. He's going to be an excellent monitor."

Yuri felt a little sorry for both of them. "Is he really going to be a mater?"

"Who knows," Takeshi shrugged. "Male maters are rare enough, but there's enough gossip going around. Even privileged fingerlings are susceptible to whispering voices. He thinks he's so smart keeping secrets, when he's just a child trying to run from the inevitable."

Yuri rubbed his thumbs together nervously. He was also a child trying to run from the inevitable. He also kept secrets…

"There's something we haven't talked about yet," Takeshi snapped Yuri's attention back to himself.

Yuri shook his head. "What?"

"The humans."

A chill ran down Yuri's body.

 _We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us, they have to die._

"You witnessed a ship sinking, Yuri. Your report was generic and very matter of fact. I actually wondered for a second if you had actually been there when it happened or just got there after the fact."

"I was there." Yuri tried to defend himself.

"Then why didn't you say anything about the humans?"

"Didn't know I was supposed to." Yuri was suddenly back there. It was dark. The light of the sinking ship eerily illuminating the water and revealing the shadows of the struggling humans. Yuri remembered thinking of other things and reciting his vow over and over. "They all drowned. They all screamed. Do I have to tell you that? I thought we didn't care about humans."

"Yes—No," Takeshi took a deep breath. "Yes, you need to tell me everything. You've been reporting back for over three years. Your reports have always been impeccable and super detailed except this one time. Something happened there you are not telling me about."

 _Crap…_

Yuri's fingers inched towards the locket.

"And it has to do with that human trinket around your neck."

 _Crap crap crap…_

Yuri's eyes softened. Takeshi was waiting.

"There was a human…" he started. "I was gathering the life jackets and he was in one of them, I thought he was dead at first, but when I touched him he spoke to me." Yuri saw Takeshi move from the corner of his eye. "He thought I had been on the ship, told me to take this," he patted the locket. "I unbuckled his life jacket and he sank in the water."

 _Then I rescued him…_

Yuri bit his lip, avoiding looking at Takeshi. He heard the older natare swim close until he felt a hand on his shoulder, followed by a reassuring hug. "Never keep something like that to yourself."

Yuri felt the comfort of Takeshi's embrace and suddenly tears started spilling from his eyes. It was sorrow. Sorrow and guilt for all the voices he ignored, but also relief. Relief that Victor was still a secret, his secret. He wanted to see him. He wanted to see Victor so bad it almost hurt.

"I'm going to delay the recovery of the ship. I'm going to give you two days to rest."

 _What..._

"We are not made of stone Yuri. We feel when we see other creatures die. So I'm going to give you two days to refresh. I want you to sleep and help out with the nursing of group B."

Yuri nodded, slowly digesting the information.

"You're dismissed." Yuri barely registered the words as he rushed through the tunnels back to the sleeping caverns. His thoughts were going a mile a minute. Two days. Two days.

He rushed to his cluster — empty now since everyone was still taking care of group B — went inside his family cave and made sure the cover was drawn to block the view of his room.

Two days. Two days.

No one would even know he was gone. They never did anymore.

"How long do I have to wait until you come back?"

Not long after all, Yuri smiled to himself. Taking one last look at his cave, he swam out as fast as he could, outside the sleeping caverns, outside the nest, and into the ocean that would take him to Victor.


	8. Victor, missing

The currents where in Yuri's favor, and the half day trip ended being much shorter.

The sun was barely over the horizon when he spotted the island. The sky still lingering with night. Glee bubbled inside of him, escaping as a burst of his fin to swim quicker.

He reached the rock barrier first, lifting himself with ease over the rocks to glance above. "Victor!" Yuri called, looking around the area. It was barren. Just the sound of the soft waves and the scurry of tiny creatures.

 _Not here…_ Yuri tried to think where else Victor cold be, but they really hadn't agreed on a spot. He'd been so shocked when the human had hugged him.

 _The seashell!_ The glee Yuri had been feeling turned sour as he rushed to the corner where he and Victor had said goodbye, but the seashell wasn't there either.

Yuri took a deep breath and started swimming around the island, his eyes never leaving the shore. It wasn't as large as he originally thought, but it still took him almost half an hour to completely circle it. He did it twice. By the time he was done there was nothing left of the night and still no Victor in sight.

Yuri rested his back against the rock barrier near his starting point. He squeezed his hands together and let the feeling sink. He had to accept it. Victor was gone. He was gone and he hadn't even bothered to leave the seashell to let Yuri know.

It hurt.

In the pit of his stomach, and across his chest.

The sadness was sudden and unexpected. Yuri tried to shake it away, reminding himself that it was better this way. Now he wouldn't have to lie. Now he wouldn't have to worry...

He heard soft splashes. Feet stepping into the water. He followed the sound, glancing around the rock and saw Victor stepping into the water. The human had shed his clothes except for the black piece on his waist and thighs. Victor stopped once his ankles were beneath the water, his arms raised forward, stretching his body.

Yuri held his breath. Victor was still here. The natare felt relief, he felt a joy he couldn't describe. He opened his mouth to call out the human's name, but then Victor started moving, his hands swiping the air around him, his feet parting the water as he half turned to the right, to the left, then full circle. His hair trailing behind him like a shadow.

Yuri gripped the edge of the rock while he watched. It was beautiful. Victor was beautiful and if Yuri could, he would spend the entire day watching him dance.

Victor looked at the sky, then dipped his body backwards until his fingers almost touched the water, his hair touching the surface. Then his knees bent, he moved upwards again, swirling from side to side, and then he stopped cold.

Yuri blinked. Victor was looking at him, his mouth a small 'O' that quickly turned into such an amazing smile that made every secret Yuri was keeping worth it. Victor bolted towards the ocean, his feet awkwardly trying to step over the water to get to his goal faster. He dove into the water when it was deep enough and Yuri met him halfway.

Victor gripped him tight. Arms across his back. Palms on his shoulder blades. Yuri returned the embrace, almost clinging to Victor. It didn't make sense wanting to hold a human like this, but this human made Yuri feel more welcomed and wanted than his own people. "Yuri! You came back! I'm so hungry!"

Yuri burst into laughter, instinctively moving further into the ocean where it was deeper and it was easier for him to swim. Victor never let go.

The human's stomach rumbled with hunger. "I thought the island had bugs—" Yuri started to say.

"Yes!" Victor proclaimed, a little too eagerly. "They're everywhere and they're nasty. Some even crawled up my feet," he shuddered.

Yuri tilted his head. "You didn't eat them? I fed them to you before," he said matter of fact.

Victor froze for a second, then stuck his tongue out. "Ewwwww…" he slurped some sea water, gargled, and spit it out.

Yuri blinked then laughed again. Feeling the pleasant sensation course through is entire being. It was a joy he rarely experienced anymore. Straight from the heart, without forcing himself. It had been years since he laughed like this.

"Is fish ok?" Yuri asked. Victor nodded excitedly, holding tighter to Yuri as they swam around the island.

"There aren't sharks around here right?" the human asked suddenly nervous.

Yuri laughed yet again. "Sharks are afraid of natare."

"Good," Victor nodded. His hair trickled around him in the water, some if it sticking to Yuri's skin. They swam for a while until Yuri found a school of fish close by.

"Wait here," he told Victor as he left the human's side and dove under. The school had already detected his presence, moving erratically, already in flee mode. Yuri got as close as he could then used all his strength to swipe his fin as hard as he could, going faster and faster until he crashed into the school, his hands easily snatching two of the fish, killing them instantly. When he turned around he saw Victor underwater, watching him.

They both broke the surface together and Yuri offered his catch proudly to Victor. "Wow…" the human said softly. He looked away for a moment. "I almost forgot we're not the same," he whispered. Yuri felt the mood between them change. Victor smiled, but the joy was almost gone from it. It tugged at Yuri's heart and made him wondered if he had done something wrong.

* * *

Yuri laid on the sand close to shore, the water covering everything except his head. He watched Victor make a fire, cook the fish, then eat them with gusto.

The unusual smell of cooked fish hit Yuri's nostrils and he raised his head wondering what the fish touched by fire tasted like.

"Do you want some?" Victor yelled as if reading Yuri's mind. Yuri nodded. Victor put a piece of the fish on a leaf, then grabbed a twig with some of the fire on it, and brought both to Yuri.

"I saw you watching," Victor grinned with pride as he showed Yuri the fire.

Yuri reached out for the flame without thinking, feeling the increasing heat near the tip of his fingers. "Don't!" Victor threw the twig in the water. Killing the flame instantly. Yuri shook back, frightened.

Victor knelt in the water, clutching the leaf with the food in his hands. "I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. If you touch it you will burn yourself. I was just showing off." Yuri nodded, closing the distance between them again until Victor handed him the leaf. "Weird customs…" Yuri thought, as he bit into the cooked fish. It was an odd taste, not bad, but he couldn't say he enjoyed it. He'd rather keep eating the fish as is. "It's…" he wondered what word could he use to not disappoint Victor, but the human's attention wasn't on him, he was looking behind him, like he was searching for something. "Victor?"

"Do you hear that?" Victor stood up quickly, splashing Yuri accidentally. He dashed into land without another word, quickly disappearing into the brush.

"Victor!" Yuri called, feeling a knot in the pit of his stomach. He pushed himself back into deeper water diving under as soon as he could and using his full strength to swim as quickly as he could. It took him ten minutes to find Victor almost on the other side of the island, standing atop a high rock formation that created a natural arch. The human had his palm flat on his forehead and he stared at the endless blue, like he was searching for something, trying to reach.

"Victor," Yuri raised his voice, the humans glanced down to look at him. Yuri couldn't see his face clearly from so high up. It was a spot Yuri could never reach.

"How deep is the water there?" Victor hollered.

Yuri immediately went deep and back up. "Over ten feet!" he answered.

Victor jumped, diving into the water and disappearing underneath. Yuri had a second to panic before he dove after him. His fear was unwarranted though, Victor stilled calmly in the water, his eyes closed until he felt the shift of the water's flow when Yuri got next him. Yuri wanted to touch Victor, to pull him out of the water back to his habitat, but at the same time he didn't. For a moment it was like Victor was part of his world, surrounded by water. Victor opened his eyes and smiled at the natare. He moved, his knuckles pushing into Yuri's hands, his fingers spreading until they intertwined with Yuri's, locking them together.

Yuri barely moved, his fin feeling the current and the tip of Victor's toes. He felt the warmth again, it trickled from his fingers and up his arms, until it was everywhere, a part of him.

The ocean kept living and breathing around them. Yuri heard a school of fish swimming fifty feet to the west. The crabs and lobsters scurrying across the bottom. The sponges on the reef taking breaths. It all faded until the warmth and Victor's touch were the only things he could think about. Until dangerous thoughts crossed his mind. Yuri squeezed Victor's hands and pulled him closer, the current moving Victor higher and Yuri had to glance up to look at him. Their faces inches apart. The warmth stronger, like the fire. Yuri never blinked, wondering how he had lived so long without it.

Victor smiled. Soft and wide. He broke the spell, and closed the distance between them.


	9. Yuri, asking

Yuri saw a picture once.

He'd been hiding from his fingerling class in the storage cave after they had asked him about what happened to his family and Yuri couldn't answer.

It was unusual for natare to have pictures of humans. Not only because they didn't last long in the water, but because the elders had placed a rule the forbid keeping the images of humans unless they were for educational purposes.

Yuri had found the image hidden in the back of the cave. Tucked between other things that had been deemed useless.

In the picture, a male and female human pressed their lips together. He remembered looking at it for a long time for some reason. To the point where he had confided in Yuko that he had seen it and wondered if she knew what it meant. She just gave him a stern warning about looking for things that were not allowed, and reassured him that humans just had weird human customs.

Yuri had always wondered about those weird customs, and the image had never really left his memory.

So when Victor's lips touched his, he didn't know what it meant. He only felt the pleasant warmth intensify, as if the fire consumed him from the inside out. It was merely a brush, a lingering touch, but Yuri felt like his world was in that moment.

Victor broke apart and swam up, leading the natare along with him, not letting go of Yuri's hands. He took a deep gasp when he broke the surface, then leaned on Yuri for support as he tried to catch his breath. "That was my limit," he murmured. "Too bad."

Yuri watched him in silence, still feeling the burn on his lips, wondering what type of human custom was this? Because he wanted to do it again. He wanted to do it many more times.

Yuri didn't realized he'd been closing the space between them again until Victor turned to look at him and placed a finger on his lips. "This is dangerous," he whispered to the water.

Yuri pressed his lips against the finger. "Dangerous?"

Victor smiled ruefully. "Your lips are warm now." He ignored the question. "They were cold in the water."

"Natare are cold."

"They got warmer after I touch you."

"Yes," Yuri breathe and leaned forward again.

Victor pulled back, placing his hands on Yuri's shoulders pushing slightly away. "I shouldn't have kissed you."

 _Kiss..._ Yuri thought. _That's what the custom was called._

"Why not?"

"Because," Victor started, but no more words left his lips. He sighed, stopped touching the natare, and started swimming towards the rocky shore.

Yuri followed silently by his side, yearning to touch again. After a minute Victor reached a rock bed below the arch that was a foot under water and sat on it. Yuri didn't even ask before pushing his body atop the rock next to him. "Why not?" he asked again. His finger ran over Victor's hand under the water. "Why is it dangerous?"

Victor eyes turned towards the open water. "I heard a boat."

Yuri glanced sideways to see what Victor was looking at, but here was nothing there, just the endless blue. "I don't see it," Yuri said.

"It's gone or I imagined it." The feeling of Victor's fingers on his cheek claimed Yuri's attention back to the human. "Either way it made me realize that this is just a brief moment. Sooner or later a boat will appear and I will get on it."

Victor's words felt like a cut. Yuri didn't want to imagine Victor gone, but he understood. Deep down he understood and knew it was true. That this was indeed just a moment between them. A moment that would come and that would end. He couldn't stay here forever either, this wasn't his home… Fingertips gently rubbed his cheek, so the natare leaned into the touch, kissing Victor's fingers. "Even if it's just for a moment," Yuri felt like his voice had a will of its own. "I want another one," he said unabashed. "Another kiss." He tried closing the distance between them. Victor moved back, avoiding the connection.

Yuri pressed his lips against Victor's shoulder, the spot he could reach. His fin swayed in the water.

"Yuriiii," Victor half whined. "I'm only human."

 _Human. Yes._ Yuri thought, pressing his palm against Victor's chest, feeling the heartbeat underneath. Hand sliding up following the pulse to his neck. _My human._

Yuri closed in and nuzzled his nose against Victor's collar bone. "I still want another one," he insisted.

"You are..." Victor's hand fell on Yuri's shoulder. "I'm human," he heard Victor whispered, but it sounded far away, like it didn't matter. Yuri nibbled up Victor's neck. His thoughts all over the place.

 _Warm… warm…_

 _What am I doing?_

 _Mine. Yours._

 _If a human ever discovers us…_

 _Human. Human._

 _Natare._

Yuri whimpered as he closed the gap and pressed a kiss on Victor's cheek. His fingers tracing down until they touched firm hips. He felt soft fingers run through his wet hair.

Victor took a deep breath. "Fuck it," he said, and grabbed Yuri's face kissing him hard.

The warmth became fire. Yuri let the thoughts drift away from his mind. Not wanting to think. This kiss was like nothing he'd ever felt and he'd felt many things. Love, loss, loneliness, fear, confusion, want, joy. Most of the things he remembered feeling where things he'd rather forget. But not this. No matter what happened he knew that he would never forget this. That Victor would forever steal a part of him. Be a part of his memories. A part of his heart.

He would never regret saving Victor.

Victor made a noise deep down his throat and Yuri opened his mouth allowing for more.

They broke apart when the need for air became a burden. "Wow," Victor murmured against Yuri's lips.

Yuri had a second to clear his head. "What happened?"

"Something amazing," Victor spoke softly. Yuri could feel the hints of bliss underneath and smiled.

They kissed again and again, until Yuri forgot why they shouldn't in the first place.

They kissed until the natare's skin was dry and he felt the warmth all over his body.

They kissed until the sun had shifted and Victor's stomach rumbled with hunger.

"I'll get some more fish," Yuri said when they next broke apart. Victor laughed. Yuri echoed the noise, rubbing his nose against the human's before moving to leave.

Victor snatched his arm before he could go. "Wait," the human glanced around as if relocating himself. "Come. I want to show you something," he nodded towards the shore before diving in the water.

Yuri followed without hesitation.


	10. Victor, wavering

There was a medium sized cave not too far from the arch. It opened to the ocean so Yuri was able to swim inside with ease while Victor hopped on the rocks and started walking on a ledge towards the back. The falling sun flooded the cave with light, Yuri estimated the space was about four and a half fins deep.

The water of the cave lacked the life of the open sea, but at least it wasn't impure water. Yuri swam carefully in the small space. This type of caves varied from fairly open to extremely constricted. This one appeared to be a bit of an in between. It was big enough for him to swim with ease, but tight enough that his body could easily touch the edges if he wasn't careful.

Victor rushed to the back after hopping over some rocks, then crouched on the cave floor and started rummaging for something. Yuri tried to see what he was doing but it was too far away and he had reached a barricade. Halfway in, there was a small rock barrier that blocked his path. The barrier had small gaps that allowed water to pass to the other side of the cave, but they were too small for the natare to fit. If he wanted to reach Victor he'd have to jump over.

 _No problem_. Yuri was about to push himself out when Victor's feet caught his line of sight and before he knew it the human had grabbed him and pulled him out of the water in one swift motion.

"Victor!" Yuri's surprise was evident, not only by Victor being able to hoist him up, but by suddenly being pulled completely from the water. Victor's arms went around his back and fin, holding him high up. Yuri wrapped his arms around Victor's neck in case the human dropped him.

For a second, neither moved, as if trying to find a balance. Yuri's heart fluttered with a tinge of fear. He'd never been held out of the water. To be completely at the mercy of another creature. In the ocean he was the predator. He didn't fear others, the others feared him. Even the big ones that could easily swallow him whole kept their distance. Yet in the human's arms, he couldn't help but think of the fishes he hunted and held lifelessly on his palm with ease.

Yuri thought to struggle, to be dropped back in the water even if he would fall on the hard rocks and it was going to hurt like hell. He needed to go back in the water. He needed to be safe.

Victor took a soft breath and the dark thoughts inside the natare's head fluttered away. They were quickly replaced by the reassuring warmth of Victor's fingers against his back and fin. With the memory of their kisses just before. Yuri leaned closer to nuzzle against the crook of Victor's neck, allowing the warmth to spread. This was his human after all. How silly he'd been to think his human would hurt him.

Victor stood frozen. He was looking at Yuri, yet his eyes were unfocused. He was staring at the natare's fin like it wasn't real. Even as his fingers touched it.

"Victor?" Yuri asked cautiously.

The human shook his head and gave Yuri a rueful smile, then stepped forward carefully. It was only a three step walk, but it felt endless as Yuri feared Victor would run out of strength. The human stopped by the other ledge of the barrier, unsure what to do. "How deep is the water on this side?" Yuri asked. The filtering light wasn't enough to tell. "You can't just drop me."

Victor bit his lip. "I clearly didn't think this through."

Yuri sighed, but secretly smiled. "Put me down slowly." Victor nodded and carefully lowered the natare until Yuri's fin hit the water and he was able to sit down on the ledge. Yuri hopped into the makeshift cave pool, it was deep enough for him to swim, but still made him feel slightly claustrophobic. Victor walked around with Yuri following until they reached the back of the cave. There wasn't much space back here, perhaps a fin or less. Yuri spotted a handful of leaves on the floor and a pile of burned twigs.

"Are you sleeping here?" The natare asked as he leaned half his body on the ledge.

Victor was putting the twigs together in a pile. "I'm going to need more…" he mumbled to himself.

"You're going to make more fire?" Yuri asked.

Victor glanced at him briefly. "Yes. It gets cold here at night."

Yuri tilted his head, his fin making small sloshing noises in the water. He wanted to reach out to Victor, touch him again, but the human was...

"Is this what you were going to show me?"

Victor knelt by the twigs. Stared at them hard, like he was trying to figure out how he could make the fire again. His eyes glanced at the natare briefly before returning to the little pieces of wood. "Yes. I'm spending the night here. It's better than in the open."

Yuri pushed himself out of the water with ease and sat on the ledge. Victor was a little over an arm's length away, but he felt further away, distant.

 _Victor is acting strange_ , Yuri thought. _Things were nice when we were kissing… Ah! He's acting strange because we're no longer kissing!_

Yuri crawled across the small space between them. Victor didn't even notice until Yuri touched his arm and pressed his lips against the human's cheek.

Victor jumped back. Hard hand on the natare's shoulder and shoved him with enough force that Yuri fell back in the water.

There was a loud splash and the crunch of twigs.

Yuri's fin hit the bottom of the pool, it scrape along the rough rocks.

At first Yuri wasn't sure what to think. Then the sinking feeling crept up his entire body like the human poison that afflicted his nest.

How many times had he been pushed aside like he wasn't worth anything? How many times his fingerling class went off without him and claimed they didn't notice him? How many times he heard the words "I forgot" when he asked for something he wanted? Even his family had left him behind. He hadn't even been worth enough to stay alive for.

The natare was all too familiar with the ache of rejection.

Yet somehow this hurt worse.

The pool suddenly felt like ice and Yuri swam up until his mouth was barely out of the water. He didn't look at Victor. "I'm going to get some fish," his voice was barely a whisper as he turned around and easily hopped the barrier. He was almost outside in the open ocean when he heard his name.

"Yuri wait! Wait!"

Yuri hesitated for only a moment, before going under and swimming away as fast as he could.


	11. Yuri, trying

Yuri stared at the pile of dozen dead fish he'd easily caught. They laid on top of a rock, drying, their lifeless eyes staring at Yuri accusingly. Why had he caught so many? It wasn't in his nature to kill for sport, every little life he ended was for his own survival.

"Stupid, Victor…" Yuri mumbled at the dead fish. "You don't deserve these fishes."

The fish didn't respond to his query. Yuri sighed, then made a face when he felt a sting on his fin. He swam to the bottom and grabbed a ball of sand with both hands, placing it next to the dead fish. He repeated the step three times until he had a decent amount, then finalized mixing it with some algae, reef, and his own saliva to create a salve.

The natare pushed himself out of the water and sat on the rock, stared silently at the little gashes on his fin as he gently rubbed the salve over them. They weren't particularly deep, but an open wound was an open wound nonetheless, and even if he was on top of the ocean food chain, there were things out there with sharp teeth that enjoyed blood.

Why had Victor pushed him away? He'd only wanted to kiss again like they were doing before. It'd been fun. It'd been exciting. He'd never experienced a warmth like the one he felt when the human touched him. Why would Victor not want to do more of that? Perhaps humans could only kiss a limited amount a day? But what was the point of limiting something that felt so good?

Only Victor could answer his questions.

One of the dead fish slipped from the pile and fell next to Yuri's hand. Its dead eyes catching the natare's attention. He might as well give them to the human to eat.

The cave was empty and dark when he returned. "Victor?" Yuri put the pile of fish atop the barrier. "Victor?" his voice echoed in the small space. He exited the cave and looked around for any sign of the human. The sun was almost gone, humans couldn't see in the dark right?

Something large suddenly crashed into the water next to Yuri. The natare's instincts kicked in. He was wounded, he would not be prey. Yuri put as much force as he could and swiped his fin towards — silver hair. Yuri redirected his fin just in time, flipping in the water, snatching the human by the waist and pushing them both towards the surface.

"Never do that again!" The natare's heart beat loudly, like he forgot how to breathe.

The human stared silently then his lips turned upwards into a nonchalant smile. "I didn't mean to scare you." he spoke calmly, like what had happened was amusing. It only angered Yuri more. "I was afraid I wouldn't see you when you came back so I climbed to the cliff above the cave to be on the lookout. Good thing you returned before it got dark otherwise—"

"I almost struck you with my fin!" Yuri yelled.

Victor tilted his head. "I pushed you so it would only be fair."

"What you did was nothing! When natare strike we don't mean to slow down a threat, we mean to stop it permanently." Yuri felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Why was he getting so upset? He hadn't hurt Victor. Victor was ok. Victor was…

"Oh…"

They both stayed quiet for a minute, Victor seemed to take his time absorbing what could have happened. Yuri resisted the urge to go under and disappear.

"I'm sorry," the human finally said. He moved closer, fingers reaching towards Yuri's face. The natare flinched once and they both took another second to take each other in. Slowly. Almost as if they were meeting for the first time. Victor eventually closed the gap, palm rubbing Yuri's cheek, fingers against the back of his neck, and pulling him close until their bodies touched.

The warmth was instant. Yuri bit his lip and resisted the urge to hide his face in the crook of Victor's neck.

"I'm sorry I pushed you," Victor's voice was barely a whisper and broke at the seams. "I have no reason for having pushed you away. No excuse." Yuri felt Victor's thumb rubbing his skin. "Yuri, when I see you it's like I can't think clearly. It's a little scary. I see you so close, and for a second I think you're just like me." The natare felt Victor's knees and feet rubbing against his fin. "Then I remember you're not and I can't help but feel this deep worry about what's going to happen."

Victor's hands moved until his thumb pressed against Yuri's bottom lip. "I already can't stop thinking about you, but I also can't stop thinking that I can't stay here forever and how is that going to work—"

Yuri whimpered and leaned into the touch. He knew Victor wouldn't be here forever. He didn't need to be told that. He just wanted… he just wanted… what did he want? To kiss Victor? Then what else?

The natare squirmed against Victor's body, the human's name escaping his lips. Once. Twice until warm lips brushed against his cold ones.

Victor's voice came firm this time. There was no doubt. "We only live once, Yuri, and I'm done thinking." Water splashed around them as Victor closed the gap for good. Lips brushing, rubbing, hungry, and hard. Yuri met the effort halfway rubbing his fin against Victor's legs, pulling the human close as they went under the surface. It didn't last very long, Victor needed air after all, but it was like Yuri couldn't control himself.

 _Closer closer…_ The natare thought. _Victor still wants me. He wants me…_ He couldn't seem to gather his thoughts properly. He just wanted the human's touch and the increasing warmth between them. _Touch me..._ Yuri felt Victor's grip on his hips — right between his skin and fin — grinding the natare's body against his. Yuri vocalized a muffled noise he didn't even know he could make and without thinking the natare guided one of Victor's hand towards the front of his fin.

Victor's toes suddenly pressed against one of Yuri's wounds and the natare pulled away without thinking, escaping the ache. They broke the surface together, and stared at each other for a minute, it was clear both inched to be close again, but the sky was almost at full dark and common sense finally kicked in.

"I brought you fish," the natare squeaked.

The human smiled. "Good, I'm starving." Yuri beamed proudly. No longer regretting he'd killed so many fish. They were for his human. To keep him strong and healthy. They both needed to be strong and healthy. He'd killed as many fish as Victor needed.

Victor took the natare's hand and started swimming slowly back towards the cave. Yuri could have swam faster, but instead let Victor lead him.


	12. Victor, wondering

Yuri sat next to Victor as the human held one of the dead fish over the fire. The smell of it burning, permeating around the cave. The natare was sure he would never enjoy the scent of the cooked fish, but if Victor liked it then he didn't mind it.

The fire was the only thing bringing light inside the cave now that the sun had sunken. Its red dance creating shadows that Yuri rarely saw and giving the space an uncomfortable feeling, not really acceptable for his human.

 _This cave needs to be cozier._ Yuri thought as Victor pulled the fish from the fire and bit a chunk out of it. He chewed slowly, the corners of his mouth lifting, his face displaying little signs that he was enjoying the meal.

The natare felt a deep sense of pride watching Victor eat the food he'd hunted, because of him there was food in the human's belly, because of him Victor was alive.

"This is the first time I cook something for myself." Victor pulled a tiny bone from his mouth. "I tried catching some fish after you left, but it turns out I suck at it, maybe if I had a net or something. There isn't much else to eat on this island—" Yuri opened his mouth to remind Victor of the bugs, but the human placed a finger over his lips before he could. "I'm not eating the bugs. I'm not desperate yet."

Yuri waited until Victor slowly brushed the finger down his lips. "The bugs have the necessary nutrients if you are unable to hunt," he offered eagerly.

"Yuuuri," Victor complained. "I don't want to eat bugs." His forehead bumped against the natare's. "You'll catch some fish for me, no?"

Yuri's shoulders slumped at the words. "I have to leave tomorrow."

"You do?" The human sounded genuinely surprised. Yuri felt a tinge of guilt for not telling him sooner. That he only had two days. It took half a day to travel to his nest, so it was really one day they had with each other. If he wanted to make it back in time, he'd have to leave before the sun was at its highest point in the sky.

Victor released a heavy sigh. He sat back, creating distance between them and continued eating his fish as he stared at the fire with renewed interest.

Yuri missed the contact instantly. He didn't want Victor pulling away. It filled his heart with little bits of turmoil that the natare couldn't comprehend, he just knew he didn't like them.

"Do you really have to leave again?" Victor asked as he placed what was left of the fish on the floor.

Yuri looked down. "Yes. Tomorrow. I have to…"

"Why?"

Victor grabbed Yuri's hand and the secrets the natare been trained to keep all his life suddenly itched his tongue. He wanted to tell those secrets. He wanted to tell Victor everything, but something still stopped him.

The reason why his nest had these rules and these secrets. So they could survive to see future generations. So they wouldn't disappear from the world. The secrets weren't just to protect Yuri alone, they were to protect everyone in the nest. To protect Leo, Guang-Hong, Takeshi, Yuko, their girls, and even that feisty fingerling that shared his name.

When Yuri didn't answer, Victor went back to work on cooking more fish, moving further so there was even more space between them.

Yuri whimpered at the growing distance.

He wanted to tell. He wanted to tell so there would be no secrets between them. So they could close that last gap that remained. So they could—

Yuri inched closer until their bodies touched again. The natare waited to see if Victor broke the contact, but he didn't. He just kept feeding on his fish, enjoying every bite he took. Since he didn't pull away Yuri slowly rested his head on the human's shoulder, waiting for him to finish.

He never felt this close to anyone before, not even Yuko and Takeshi whom he considered his adopted family after his blood family had passed. It was different though, the way he felt he could trust Victor, to the way he trusted his nest.

"I wish I could read your mind," Victor's fingers brushed away a stray hair from Yuri's face. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

 _It's not that I don't want to..._ Yuri wanted to. He wanted to more than anything. If he could just choose — _I just can't tell. If I do I will be punished. If I do what will you do?_

Again the vow came into his thoughts. He'd been trained so well after all. It was clear whomever dictated those words had never met someone like Victor. _Must not save humans… must not contact humans… if a human ever loves us…_

Yuri held his breath at the twisted vow he recalled. Victor was suddenly there. Lips pressing against his softly.

"It's ok." The human whispered. "You don't have to tell me. Whatever you're thinking you can stop thinking it. I just don't want to see you so distressed."

"Victor…" Yuri cried and reached for the human, itching for warmth.

It suddenly didn't matter, even if it was forbidden. Even if he could never be forgiven. He just wanted no secrets between him and the human.

"The natare have one rule above all others," Yuri's own voice felt distant. "A rule regarding humans. It is the first thing I ever remember learning. The first promise I made." Yuri sunk against the heat of Victor's body, his arms closing around the human's back. Icy cheek just below the human's heart. "I vowed that if a human ever saw me, I had to kill them." Yuri felt Victor stiffened, it filled him with sorrow to know his words gave Victor fear, but he understood. Who wouldn't hesitate if someone that was touching them — a creature unlike them — just revealed to them they were supposed to end their life?

It's over. Yuri thought. There was no way Victor would want to be with him after knowing natare kill humans on sight.

Yuri expected to be pushed into the water again, but instead he felt Victor's fingers on his back. Careful. Just a trail of ten fingertips that slowly traveled down to his fin, then kept touching, pressing, testing…

The fingers traveled down the sides of his fin and Yuri pulled back a little so he could look at Victor's eyes. They were not frightened. "Is that why you have to leave? If it is then I—"

"I'm a monitor," Yuri didn't let Victor finish. If he was going to reveal the secrets he swore to keep, he was going to tell everything. If he was going to keep lying to his nest and keep seeing Victor, he wanted to be no secrets between them. "My job is to scour the ocean and report the things I see to my nest. Things we could use, things we should stay away from, things that could hurt us." Yuri took a deep breath. "I was watching the night your ship sunk. That area was at high risk for an event—"

Victor suddenly moved, hands roaming from Yuri's sides to his arms, squeezing slightly. "Did you know the ship was going to sink?"

Yuri bit his lip. "Not until the last minute. I'm only to watch and report. I don't interfere."

The pressure on his arms lessened. "So it sunk by accident…"

Yuri nodded.

Victor's eyes shifted uneasily. He glanced to his right, then to his left. Like he was searching for something. Like he was reaching for a memory. "I remember now," his voice was distant. "You unbuckled my life jacket."

The natare's eyes widened, remembering that moment like a small wound. Without thinking he starting inching away from Victor, to return to the water, but the human grabbed his arms once more and pulled him back. "I went under, I was going to drown wasn't I?"

Yuri saw the moment again, the way Victor's unfocused eyes stared at him as he went under the water. Like he knew he was going to drown, that he was going to die. "Yes," The natare nodded slowly, feeling his heart weeping.

Victor's fingers dug into his skin. "But then you pulled me out. Why? If you're not allowed to save humans, why did you save me? So many people died in that boat. Yakov, Mila, my friends… Why only I survived? Why did you save me?" The last question was broken and desperate, pain and guilt combined into one. It was a pain Yuri was all too familiar with. When his sister and mother died in the accident. When his father got so depressed he stopped eating and died soon after, because Yuri wasn't enough of a reason to stay alive for.

"Why did you save me?" Victor kept repeating the question in an almost soundless cry. "Why did you save me? Why did you save me?"

"I don't know," Yuri admitted. "But I…" Victor's fingers felt like bruises. He shouldn't have said anything. Why did it matter if Victor knew the truth or not? Their time together was destined to be short after all. Only until Victor returned to the humans, or until Yuri got branded and would be forced to remain in the nest. They were meant to be something fleeting by definition. A relationship between human and natare…

But Yuri didn't want it to end. He wanted to stay here and never return to his nest. "It felt like I couldn't bear it," his voice broke as well, like he was trying to take Victor's pain and guilt away. "I couldn't stand seeing you die. I still can't. I just can't explain why. I just want to be with you. I just want to kiss you." His words had become frantic. Tears blurred his vision. He was so unsightly, he didn't want Victor to see him like this, who would want to bond with something unsightly like him?

Victor's breathing eased. The fingers no longer pressing harshly against the natare's skin. Yuri counted. One. Two. Three. How much longer before Victor told him to leave? How much time left before—

"I need some time to think about this." Victor's voice was soft, but it didn't stop Yuri feeling like he'd been stabbed in the heart.

The natare nodded, slowly pulling away and started to crawl back to the water. He could probably find a safe spot to sleep in an underwater cave nearby. There had to be one or two.

His fin touched the water when a firm hand gripped his wrist and pulled him back. "I said I needed time to think. I didn't say I wanted you to leave."

Yuri breathed in, his fin splashing once in the water. "I can spend the night with you? Even after what I said?"

"Yes," Victor begged, pulling Yuri closer, kissing his shoulder. "I just… I don't want to be alone here."

The natare pulled his fin out of the water and slowly placed it on the dry surface. He rested on his side, watching as Victor arranged some rocks around the fire, then left it burning as he laid next to the Yuri.

"You're not putting it out?" The natare asked.

"It gets cold without it. I don't like the cold."

"But I'm cold."

"Not after I touch you."

Yuri relaxed as prickles of warmth spread all over his body when Victor touched his arm up and down. He wanted to reciprocate and touch the human as well, but was too afraid Victor would reject him again. This was enough for now. This was better than sleeping alone in an unknown cave.

He laid still as the human placed careful and gentle touches upon his skin, slowly warming it until Yuri no longer felt cold and was lost to sleep.


	13. Yuri, returning

Yuri woke outside the water. He blinked slowly, easing out of the lethargy of sleep. The cave floor was hard on his back, and his skin was dry and smooth. It surprised him how well he felt and how easily it was for him to be outside the water. Almost like it was natural for him to be here next to—

Victor mumbled in his sleep. His brow furrowed with discomfort.

 _Unacceptable_. Yuri thought. He had to make sure to get some seaweed or moss for a more comfortable sleeping arrangement for the human.

With a soft yawn, the natare stretched lazily, his hand dipping into the pool next to him so the small current traveled through his fingertips. Yuri's good mood instantly vanished. The currents were not in his favor, if he wanted to make it back to his nest before the end of the day, he'd had to leave soon, real soon.

Yuri rolled to face Victor and squirmed closer _. I want to stay here._

Without thinking the natare reached out to touch Victor, but stopped close of contact, afraid he would wake him. The human's body moved with every intake of air, his eyes fluttering in his sleep. It was still somewhat strange seeing a creature so similar to him, yet not, and a little part of him wished that Victor were natare. That way he could drag Victor down to the bottom without having to let go.

Yuri's fingers lingered at Victor's hips, at the little piece of human cloth that was just one of their many differences. He knew the skin continued underneath, it didn't change like his, there was no fin. Instead there were limbs used for walking, running, jumping — instead there was… something protruding between Victor's legs.

Yuri blinked. He didn't recall that from the little bit of human anatomy he was taught. From what he recalled this was the place human males had something dangling not standing. So naturally Yuri touched it.

Victor made a noise. Yuri retracted his hand.

Victor still slumbered so Yuri poked the thing again. Once, twice. It got bigger.

 _Oh…_ Yuri bit his lower lip. _This goes inside me._

The thought was clear — crystal — the natare closed the distance, fingers pressing gently against Victor's hip, allowing the human's warmth to pass to him. He squirmed closer, until his lips stole some of that warmth as well.

Victor's eyes opened, the glaze of sleep still deep in them. For a second their eyes met, and then the human moved suddenly, climbing atop Yuri, clinging to the natare like he needed an anchor. Victor's face found a home in the crook of Yuri's neck, teeth nibbling against the pulse he found there.

Yuri held back a cry, the warmth spreading quickly. So quickly the natare stiffened in surprise before he relaxed, opening himself to the warmth of the human holding him.

This meant he was forgiven wasn't it. This meant Victor knew his secrets and he still wanted to be close to him.

Yuri felt Victor's hand trail down his side to his fin, forcing Yuri to bite down on his lower lip. He must have made some sort of noise because Victor suddenly pushed against him, the thing between his legs putting pressure against the natare's slit, spreading it open.

A strange cry echoed inside the cave.

Victor stopped. "Shit," he murmured as he shifted off Yuri and pressed his body against the rock.

The loss of warmth was instant. _No, don't stop._ Yuri moved, snuggling against Victor. Wanting to be held, for the human to try and push inside him again. The affection wasn't returned, arms didn't close around him. Victor felt far away.

That's right. He wasn't human. Victor wouldn't want someone that wasn't human, and even if he did, they just didn't fit. He had a fin, while Victor had legs.

Yuri broke the contact, crawling uncomfortably until he fell in the pool. He broke the surface and watched the mouth of the cave. "I'll bring you some food, but then I have to leave."

Fingers against the back of his neck made him turn around. The fingers never broke contact, touching his chin and cheek as he turned.

"You're really leaving?"

The natare took a deep breath. Victor was acting what had just happened hadn't happened. He nodded sadly. "I have to go back."

Fingers rubbed the side of his face. "Why?"

"If I don't return they will search for me—" Or at least Takeshi would for sure— "and eventually find me."

"Kill me if they see me."

"Yes."

"So I'm your secret?"

"Yes." The natare answered with certainty. _My human. Mine._

Victor yawned and broke the contact. "I'll leave the sea shell if I get rescued."

 _Mine until the other humans find you._

Yuri started to swim away. "I'll bring you food," he repeated. Wishing Victor would ask him to stay again, but the human just smiled and watched the natare leave before going back to sleep.

* * *

The currents were stronger than Yuri had estimated and he arrived at his nest much later than he had intended to.

The nest was quiet. Eerily so. It made Yuri uneasy and extra careful as he entered his cluster and made his way to his family cave. The cover was undisturbed, maybe no one had noticed.

"You finally came out."

Yuri yipped and turned to find Takeshi at the entrance to the cave. Yuri waited a moment to see if he would say something else, to see if there was something in his eyes that revealed he knew. There was nothing but exhaustion in them.

"Sorry," Yuri mumbled. "I was tired."

"Letting your thoughts get the best of you again?" Takeshi swam forward inside Yuri's cave. Yuri nodded in answer to the question. "I came to check on you earlier, but the other Yuri said you were sleeping."

Yuri tried to stay as emotionless as he could. "The fingerling?"

"He was rambling about wanting some training. I told him not to bother you though."

"Thanks." _Shit_. Had the Yuri fingerling seen he hadn't been in his cave? Had he looked behind the cover?

Takeshi didn't noticed Yuri's alarm. "Since you're up, can you check on group B? I finally got Yuko to take a break from taking care of them. She's sleeping in our cave with the girls bundled around her, I want to join them."

"Sorry I didn't go before like you asked."

"It's fine. You wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway. It's bad, Yuri. The usual remedies are not working. Whatever they came in contact with is something different. If we lose them…"

"I'll go see if I can help." Yuri touched Takeshi's arm and swam forward towards the entrance.

Takeshi gasped softly. "You're warm, Yuri." he whispered.

"I am?"

Takehsi smiled softly. "Yeah. That's good, yes. I'm happy for you."

Yuri pursed his lips in confusion as Takeshi patted his shoulder and returned to his own family cave. _What a weird thing to say_ , he thought as he headed to the nursing caves.

* * *

 **Authors Note** : This story contains images and silly doodles. doesn't allow the integration of images to a story. Check out the story in AO3 or Watppad to see the images :)


	14. Yuri, guilty

The nursing caves where the ill group of natare was trying to recover was deadly quiet. Filled only with shallow breaths and barely audible cries. Yuri swam quietly glancing inside each small cave, taking quick note of the young mater's inside, as they were supported by family members.

He passed quickly from cave to cave, trying not to disturb, knowing that there was nothing he could do.

On the second to last cave he found Minako alone, she was the only one without family.

Minako, the exposure chief of all the fingerling mater groups, including Yuri's group a few years back, laid immobile in a bed of algae. Yuri sat quietly next to her, there was no reaction. Minako wasn't a mater, it was rare for female natare not to be maters, from what Yuri had seen they struggled to fit into natare society. Some becoming isolated creatures since they were forbidden to bond with anyone, just because they couldn't have fingerlings...

Yet even with that harsh condition, the Minako Yuri knew was cheerful and motivated. She took pride in her work training with maters. If it hadn't been for her, Yuri probably would have never accepted he was a mater himelf. Never accepted that no matter how hard he tried, he would end up paired with someone not of his choosing.

Yuri shuddered when Minako struggled to take a breath. The ill natare in front of him resembled nothing of the teacher he remembered. Her ashen complexion something Yuri had never seen.

"Minako…" he called softly.

She opened her eyes slowly, squinting for a moment, until her facial features softened with recognition. "Yuri," her words came like small gasps. "It's so nice to see you." Yuri held her hand, it was frozen cold. "You came of age already right?" She forced a smile. "Did you find a good mate? You must have, your hand is so warm."

Yuri nodded, suddenly feeling guilty. Takeshi had told him to help with this and without even thinking he had ran away to see Victor. Would these natare be better if he had stayed to help? "I'm sorry I didn't come earlier," he apologized.

Minako exhaled slowly, her eyes becoming listless for a second. Yuri felt the tinge of panic until she blinked once again. He spotted a bowl full of food nearby and offered it to her.

"Can't keep anything down," she coughed. "We're dying, Yuri. Whatever was in the water… I didn't see it or smell it in time." She squeezed Yuri's hand with little strength. "It's my fault. I've killed all these fingerlings."

Yuri shook his head. "You know it's not," he tried to reassure. "It's the hu—" the word died in his throat. He couldn't say it. Even though he knew it was the human's fault. This kind of thing wouldn't happen if humans didn't exist. Natare wouldn't fall sick or die for simply trying to live. They wouldn't have to hide in the darkness of the ocean's deep.

Maybe it really would have been better if he'd let the sea take Victor.

No.

He can't, every time Yuri thinks back on that decisive moment — wondering if he should have made a different choice — every time he dives under and pulls Victor out of the water. Even now, he would still save him. Even now he would betray his nest.

"Don't be scared." Minako cut through his dark thoughts. Offering a weak smile for him to lean on. "Whatever happens. Don't be scared."

Yuri leaned closed, his chest suddenly feeling tight, his voice hushed and hurried. "It's not his fault. He's not like the bad ones. He's…"

Minako's breathing slowed. She hadn't heard, she'd fallen asleep. Simply talking with Yuri had exhausted her.

Yuri squeezed her hand before letting go and moving to the last cave.

"Who is not like the bad ones?" Leo asked.

Yuri froze. In the last cave, Leo clung to Guang-Hong, his aman. It looked like he neither had moved since Yuri had last seen them. "You heard?"

"Some of it, I hear almost everything that goes on in these caves. They're all whispering about it." Leo gritted his teeth. "How they should have improved by now. How they're getting worst. How they're going to die." He pulled Guang-Hong close, the sick mater took a slow deep breath.

Leo reached for a single shrimp left on the bowl next to the bed and chewed it carefully, gentle fingers pulling Guang-Hong's chin close until he could press his lips against the young mater and feed him mouth to mouth. Guang-Hong choked a bit and Leo rubbed his throat gently until his aman had swallowed the food.

"I won't lose him." He pressed his lips against the pale shoulder. "If he goes, I will go with him."

"Leo…" Yuri didn't know what to say. No one better than him knew what it was like to lose family. He knew from experience what happened when a natare lost their aman to death. When his father lost his mother. Slow, miserable days full of heartache, until they too became casualties.

"I wouldn't mind," Leo choked a bit. "I wouldn't mind at all."

Guang-Hong released a soft cry, his half lidded eyes trying to stay open, but failing. Even without words Yuri knew what the fingerling was trying to say. That he didn't want Leo to follow him. That he wanted Leo to live.

Almost as if reading his aman's thoughts. Leo pulled Guang-Hong close, resting his forehead on his mate's shoulder and started singing a melody.

 _I can feel my heartbeats waving like the ocean…_

Yuri reached out for Guang-Hong's hand. It was hot, the opposite of Minako's.

 _You're warm, Yuri._

Yuri connected the dots. The flurry of thoughts and words he'd heard crossing his mind quickly. He moved and grabbed the empty food bowl as Leo kept singing, leaving the cave to refill it.

Guang-Hong was warm. He was warm.

Was he warm because of Victor?

Was victor his—

Yuri reached the food area and grabbed handfuls of shrimp to fill the bowl hastily.

Victor and him. That was impossible wasn't it? They didn't fit. They couldn't even survive in each other's environment. Their time together was just temporary, whatever connection Yuri was feeling was meant to end.

The shrimp sunk down as they spilled from the bowl.

But what if it was? What if his body thought that he and Victor were going to bond? Then… Then…

He remembers teeth against his neck, the pressure of Victor's body atop his.

The bowl slipped from Yuri's fingers as he slid to the floor of the cave. Then…

What would happen to him when Victor finally disappeared?


	15. Yurio, demanding

Yuri rested on the bed of his cave, his body snugly tucked in among the algae. Fingers held the locket around his neck a few inches above his face. Tugging at the chain. Open, close, open, close. Victor, no Victor, Victor, no Victor.

It had been two days since he'd arrived back at the nest. His monitor meeting with Takeshi had gone well. The shipwreck he had witnessed still hadn't been recovered, and Yuri was assigned to lead the recovery team there.

The event already felt like something long in his past. Not something that had happened just a few days ago. The ocean swallowing the vessel. The screams he couldn't do nothing about. Saving Victor.

The dark haired shifted in the algae as he stared at Victor's image inside the locket. He hadn't really slept since he'd left the human. Every time he would doze off, Victor would appear. Touching him, saying things to him, stealing away Yuri's sleep. Yuri would snap awake from the dreams, feeling warm all over and with the urge to push his fingers inside his slit.

It was the first time he regretted not paying attention during his mater lessons as a fingerling. What would have been the point of learning how his body would behave when it was getting ready to have fry if he was never going to birth them. At the time he'd been certain he would avoid being paired with someone. That he could use the pity the elders felt for him and use it to his advantage. Beg them not to force a mate on him. Beg them not force him to make another family he could lose.

He'd been so certain. He'd been a naive fingerling.

And now he couldn't stop thinking about a human.

He needed to talk to Yuko about this. As the head nursing natare she would know what was happening to his body. Unlike most of the natare in the nest, Yuri trusted her. He trusted her, considered her family, and he still needed to figure out what lie he would tell her. Which unpaired, of-age natare in the nest could he pretend was making him react like this? Chris? Seung? Jean?

Yuri shook his head. None of those seemed like good options. He barely knew any of them.

What if he told her the truth? That it was Victor. What would she say if he told her his body wasn't working right? That it was reacting as if Yuri and Victor could mate. Victor was human, their bodies were different. There was no way they could physically bond. No way that Yuri could choose him as his mate. Even though he wanted to… He wanted to…

Yuri rolled and pressed his face against the bed of algae. Hands crushing the plants, fin curling against his chest. The thought of Victor being his chosen mate made his body hot with need. He exhaled slowly, his arms and fin shivering with want.

As he opened the locket again to look at the picture inside, Yuri gave in to his thoughts and imagined that Victor could be his mate, and that they could bond. The natare ran his hand down his body from skin to fin. Remembering the weight of Victor on top of him. The human's skin against his, his body shivering in response, fingers slowly pried open his slit.

"Scotoplane are you in here?"

Yuri straightening up with a hard flick of his fin. He pulled the curtain to see the fingerling Yuri glaring at him from the entrance to his cave.

"Aha!" The fingerling rushed to Yuri's side, invading his personal space. "You're here. Where have you been? Takeshi said you had to train me. You're not training me."

Yuri put space between them. _Crap_. The fingerling had noticed he'd left the nest? How much did he know? No one else had mentioned he'd left. Takeshi would have mentioned it. He would have gotten in trouble already. "What did you call me?"

"Scotoplane. It fits."

Yuri had never met a fingerling so brash. Why did he have to train him again? Oh, right. Grandson of an elder. Privileged. Unburdened by the rules of the nest.

Yuri decided to ignore the scotoplane thing, it was more important to figure out how much did this fingerling knew. "You came to look for me?"

"Yes." The fingerling appeared distracted, nosing around Yuri's cave. Grabbing things that didn't belong to him and discarding them. "I want you to take me on your next assignment outside the nest."

"Yuri…" It was so weird saying his own name.

"Yurio," the fingerling corrected. "I hate your name. I only got it because your family is dead."

Yuri bit his lip and pushed down the bit of rage he felt. They were just words. Just words of things that had already happened and he couldn't control. Words of a fingerling that had never felt the cruelty of the world. It was best to let it go.

Yurio dove his head inside Yuri's food barrel. "Why is this empty? Don't you get hungry?"

Yuri felt a headache starting to creep its way in. This fingerling, Yurio, was going to be nothing but trouble wasn't he? Demanding to tag along during his assignment. That was unheard of. Every fingerling training to be a monitor had to be of age before even thinking of going on assignment with a training partner, and before being allowed to leave the nest. What this fingerling was demanding just never happened.

Yurio crossed his arms and stared at Yuri confidently, like he could read the older natare's mind. "My grandfather said I could go."

Yuri swam closer to Yurio. The elders really had absolute power if the whims of a fingerling could break the rules like this.

A month ago perhaps Yuri would have seen this as an opportunity to prove to the elders that he could be more valuable to the nest as a monitor rather than a mater. To insist they not force a mate on him. To let him be. A month ago this blond fingerling rummaging around his belongings would have been the best thing to happen to him, but not now. Now all he could think of was that Yurio couldn't tag along because if he did, Yuri wouldn't be able to escape to see Victor. "You can't demand things like that. No matter what your grandfather says. Takeshi has authority over our assignments as group chief."

"But you can help convince him."

 _No_ , Yuri thought immediately. _No. I want to see Victor. You can't come along. You'll be in the way_. "I don't really think it's a good idea for a fingerling to go on assignment. There's a reason it's forbidden."

Yurio suddenly got close, invading the older natare's personal space. His eyes squinted as he pursed his lips, he was glaring harder than usual.

"If you don't, I'll tell him you weren't in your cave for two days."

Yuri took a deep breath, feeling the panic instantly. "I was helping with group B," the lie fell quickly.

"You weren't. I looked for you."

Yuri put distance between them. Suddenly wanting to hide behind his curtain. Hide from the truth. That he had been found out. That every decision he made from now on had to be careful and calculated. If he wasn't cautious, Victor could be discovered. "Please don't tell."

Yurio's brows rose. "I won't as long as you take me training with you."

Yuri really had no choice. "I'll speak to Takeshi."

* * *

 **Authors's Notes** :

Scotoplanes are known as the sea pig.

wiki/Scotoplanes

 **Natare Ages:**

Fry = newborn to 11

Fingerling = 12 – 18

Of age: 19 +

Pre-bonded: 18-24 (natare can choose or be assigned a mate at any time without warning during this range)

If you have a question about the natare world, feel free to ask here or my tumblr. I will answer anything as long as it doesn't contain spoilers.

I drew and added doodles to chapters 1-3.

For updates, asks, and sneak peaks follow my tumblr: myka-writes


	16. Yuri, escaping

Yurio hummed happily to himself as he swam behind Yuri towards the entrance to the nest.

The older natare had hoped that Takeshi would forbid the fingerling from leaving the nest, that he would stick by the rules that a fingerling not of age was just too inexperienced, too much at risk in the open, hence forbidden to leave except on exposure trips. Going on monitor assignment was nothing like the exposure fingerlings went through. Exposure trips were heavily monitored, controlled, and in areas that up until recently were known to be safe from humans.

All these things had changed since the incident with group B. Exposure trips were banned indefinitely, and all the unmated maters had been ordered to stay in the caves. Only Yuri had been excluded from this rule because he was a monitor. A monitor close to the maximum age of being unmated. He was running out of time. This could possibly be the last time he was allowed to leave. Yuri wanted to use that time to see Victor, but with if Yurio tagged along, that would be impossible.

Takeshi had agreed all too quickly for the fingerling to join Yuri outside the nest. Something that Yuri was having difficulty grasping. Even with the problems the nest was currently facing, rules were rules, no?

With a hard swipe of his fin, Yuri burst into the open ocean, feeling for a second the freedom it brought him and the knowledge that Victor was out there somewhere. Just thinking of the human made Yuri's center warm up, made him want things that were hopeless.

The feeling didn't last long when he paused and turned around to see Yurio had stopped just before the border. "What is it?" Yuri asked after re-joining the fingerling.

The young natare hesitated at the invisible border. "I just need a moment."

Yuri saw it as an opportunity. "If you want to stay, you can. It's all right to be scared. I'll train you next time."

 _Please stay please stay please stay._

"I'm not scared, stupid scotoplane," Yurio stuck his tongue out, then he glanced past Yuri, towards the open waters. "I'm just wondering if I'll see them."

Yuri looked behind him, there was nothing there. "See who?"

The blond fingerling's head snapped up in anger. "None of your business," he snarled. "Why am I even telling you this?" he spat before dashing forward with a burst of his fin. Passing by Yuri quickly and vanishing into the dark of the ocean.

Yuri stared dumbfounded wondering what the heck had just happened, then he rubbed his brow. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"It's a blue whale, a blue whale!" The fingerling swam excitedly around Yuri. "Juvenile, weaned. pre-mating age, solo."

Yuri nodded in agreement and watched carefully as Yurio got as close as he dared to the large creature. To his surprise, the day hadn't been as bad as he thought. It was clear that Takeshi had been right when he'd say that Yurio would be a good monitor. The fingerling was a natural. Doing the things Yuri expected without being told how to do them. Recalling his early training by heart, and despite their rough start, Yuri wasn't completely hating showing the inexperienced fingerling the ropes.

"Now we observe to see if another blue whale is in the vicinity," the fingerling swam excitedly forward.

Yuri followed. "How long do we search for?" he asked.

"Five miles either forward or backwards from the direction we see the whale. To confirm is he's really solo or part of a nest."

"Correct."

Yurio grinned and sped up a bit, making Yuri put some more effort into following. His excitement was contagious. It made Yuri wonder if he ever enjoyed being a monitor like this or had he simply enjoyed it because of the benefits the position brought him.

After an hour they determined that the whale was indeed a solo and decided to rest and catch some lunch.

Yurio greedily dug into his half of the bluefish they had caught, using his fingers and teeth to rip it apart.

"Do you eat like this in front of the elder?" Yuri found himself asking.

"Grandfather doesn't care what or how I eat. He just wants me to be a monitor."

Yuri's ears perk up at the disclosure. "He wants you to be a monitor?"

"Yup," the fingerling takes another chunk of his fish. "It's all I've ever heard him say for as long as I can remember. You have to be a monitor, Yuri," he imitates the elder natare, then ughs. "It's a good thing it's actually fun. Plus if I'm here I could search if I wanted to. There's so much space here in the open, I think I could spend my whole life searching and I would never see them."

 _Them who?_ Yuri thought, but decided not to ask. He was certain the fingerling would just snap at him again. His appetite suddenly faded. The bluefish's dead eyes staring emptily. He was searching too, wasn't he? Searching for a way to stay with Victor. Even when he knew it was futile to even try.

Six days had passed since he'd last seen the human. Was he eating well? Had he been found by other humans? Did he miss Yuri as much as Yuri missed him? The warmth had been slowly fading, it's loss bringing Yuri an ache he had never felt before and feelings that haunted him and kept him awake through the night.

"You're a good monitor," he commented offhandedly, trying to change the direction his thoughts were heading.

"Of course I am," the fingerling grinned, and somehow Yuri didn't feel annoyed at the words, just amused. There was a sense of comfort with the fingerling that he rarely experienced with the other natare in the nest. Perhaps it was because they were alone, and right now Yurio was depending entirely on Yuri to learn and survive.

Yuri was very careful not to let anyone break through the bubble he had created around himself after his family died. Even the few natare he got along with in the nest — Yuko, Takeshi, Leo, and Guang-Hong — even them Yuri still kept at bay just in case. Close enough to trust them, befriend them, but not close enough to depend on them, get to truly know them, or care about them. Just in case he lost them.

Like he was going to lose Victor.

Victor whom he had let break that bubble.

Yuri felt the ache of knowing Victor would soon vanish from his life deep in his heart. His fin, fingers, everything felt cold at the thoughts, frozen. A growing wound that could only be healed by the human. He bit his lip until he drew blood. Yurio was still happily munching on his half of fish. "You don't even need me," the older natare joked.

"I don't."

Yuri glanced towards the fingerling. The words had lacked the joking tone he had used. Giving Yuri an awful idea.

"Do you really think you could do it alone?"

 _This is a bad idea. I shouldn't do this._

"Of course!" The fingerling approached Yuri as if seeking affirmation. His eyes wide and eager.

 _Yurio could get lost. Yurio could get hurt. Yurio could die._

"We could cover more area if we split up." Yuri could no longer control his words.

 _If something happens to him it would be my fault._

"Yes!" The fingerling bounced excitedly with flicks of his fin. "We can regroup here in a few hours."

 _But this way I can see Victor._

"Let's regroup here by nightfall," Yuri says, sealing their fate.

Yurio does a backflip, bursting with excitement. Then swims away, quickly disappearing from Yuri's sight. With a deep breath the older natare started swimming towards the island and didn't look back.

* * *

 **AN** : I got fanart for the next update! And OMG we're getting a movie XD Still want a season 2 though :P

For updates, asks, and sneak peaks follow my Tumblr: myka-writes


	17. Yuri, realizing

The seashell was not on the rock.

Yuri rushed to the cave. "Victor!" He wasn't there.

He rushed outside. "Victor!" He wasn't there.

Victor must be somewhere on land. Yuri could only swim around the island and call, hoping for a reply. He didn't have much time, a couple of hours at most. He promised to meet back with Yurio before nightfall.

A bubble of fear started to spread. All of this could be for nothing. He would have put Yurio in danger for nothing and the ache he felt would just get worse. It almost felt like he would go mad if he didn't see Victor soon, and he knew it wasn't normal. That it was his body malfunctioning. His body believing that Victor could be his mate.

It was dangerous to want anyone like this. He knew he shouldn't be needing anyone like this. Because when you want someone with all your heart — like he had loved his family — when they leave to never come back... Everything changes, nothing is the same anymore.

"Victor!" Yuri cried as loud as he could. From the heart, from his soul.

"Yuri!"

The natare turned around. At first he didn't see anything. Then he heard his name again and spotted Victor far up at the edge of a ridge.

Yuri fidgeted, simply for the fact that he could see Victor, but couldn't reach him.

"Go to the cave!" Victor yelled and started running along the ridge.

Yuri followed in the water, matching Victor's speed, glancing every so often to make sure they were side by side even if separated by sea and land.

Before he knew it Yuri reached the open area by their cave, right below the high arch. He watched Victor carefully trek across the rock until he was right above Yuri and without thinking twice, he jumped.

Yuri felt no panic this time.

As Victor crashed into the ocean Yuri dove under to meet him beneath the surface. The human's hair floated around him like it belonged in the depths, his hand reaching out to the natare. Yuri's fingers closed around it, pulling, holding. Lips meeting in forlorn touches for one moment, then two, until Yuri remembered Victor needed air and he took the human with him back to the surface.

Victor breathe deeply, almost gasping. He didn't say anything was wrong, but Yuri knew, he had held his breath for too long.

"You came back," Victor murmured then bit his lip, like he wanted to say more, but the words were never uttered.

Yuri nuzzled against Victor's neck. Feeling the ache in his core finally abide. Wanting the moment to last, but reality was too pressing. "I have to leave before nightfall."

"Don't," Yuri felt Victor's fingers grazing the back of his ear. "Don't go."

Yuri took a shivering breath. Each of Victor's fingers felt like marks upon his skin, making him want more. The warmth was everything. "I have to." Just saying the words, knowing that he would have to leave soon made him questioned why had he come in the first place if it already hurt this much to think about leaving. Why had he come knowing what he knew. That he was a broken natare that thought he could mate with a human.

"You're making that worried face again." Victor's words failed to reassure Yuri.

"Pretend I don't have to leave. Please." Yuri begged. He didn't want to think right now. He only had a few hours, he didn't want to think at all.

Victor started swimming towards the cave. Yuri stuck to his side, following his pace. Once there, the human placed more twigs on the dying fire, reviving it.

"What happens if it goes out?" Yuri asked, sitting on the rock and trying not to splash droplets into the flame.

"I'll try to make another one if I can—" The sound of his rumbling belly interrupted his words.

Yuri's instincts kicked in. His human needed food. "I'll go hunt some fishes for you."

He started hopping back to the water when strong fingers gripped his arm and pulled him back. "No. I'll find something later, right now I just want you to be here with me."

"Victor…"

 _We need to stop pretending. I need to stop pretending._

A familiar sound caught his attention. A tail splashing. Yuri stared at the entrance to the cave. His heart thumping rapidly. He watched. Searched. Had Yurio followed him? The sound didn't reoccur. There was no one there.

Yuri gasped suddenly as Victor touched his tail without warning. He slapped it down against the rock instinctively as a whimper escaped his lips.

"What does it feel like when I touch you?"

Yuri squirmed under the trail of fingers. "Like the fire," he answered.

"I feel it. The second I touch you I feel the cold, then it changes until I think it's going to burn me, but it never does." He spread all five fingers slowly, until his palm rested entirely on the blueish skin.

Yuri closed the gap. Wrapping his arms around Victor's neck, just wanting more of the warmth, more of the heat. He didn't care anymore if he was broken.

Victor responded eagerly. Sitting up and pulling Yuri to him until the natare was on his lap. Lips teasing on the corner of his mouth until they clashed. Hands pressing into his sides, pulling him as close as possible.

"This time isn't a dream is it?" Yuri barely registered Victor's words. "Yuri, how can I have you?" The natare thought the warmth was going to drive him mad.

"Yuri, Yuri..." Victor kept calling his name. "How do natare have sex?"

Yuri blinked, snuggling closer to the human. His thoughts becoming coherent. "What's sex?"

Victor sighed and rubbed his temple against Yuri's cheek. "Sex. What else could you possibly call it." The natare nuzzled towards the touch, still unsure what Victor asked for. "You have kids where you live right?" Victor continued. "Baby natare."

"We call them fry," Yuri smiled, feeling a pleasant warmth in his belly.

"How do adult natare make baby natare?"

The pleasant warmth vanished entirely. Yuri didn't want to talk about this with Victor. Tell him that a mate would be chosen for him soon. That he would be confined to his nest and give birth to fry until he no longer could. He wanted to keep pretending, even if it was just for a little longer. For another hour. For another minute. He wanted to keep pretending.

Victor had put space between them. He wanted an answer. Deserved an answer.

Yuri got off his lap, the warmth dying down. "Once a natare comes of age, they can choose a mate. If they don't choose, the elders assign a mate for them."

Victor instantly pulled back. "Assign?" he asked. "Are they going to force—"

"Please." Yuri whispered. He closed his eyes. Didn't Victor know he was running out of time?

 _He won't know if you don't tell him._

 _But I can't tell him! I just can't. How can I tell him that if they really allowed me to choose, I would have chosen him?_

"Please." Yuri repeated. "I don't want to think about that right now. I just want to be here until I have to leave." _Because I may not come back._

Victor hesitated, then sighed, resigned. He laid on the hard surface of the cave and pulled Yuri close to him.

"Just for now," he kissed the natare's lips softly. "But Yuri, when you can, please tell me everything."

Yuri kissed him back. "I will," he replied, knowing it was likely a lie.

Victor hummed pleasantly, rolled and pulled the natare atop of him. Yuri felt toes against the skin of his tail and stopped thinking.

It was okay for a little longer. Until Victor left he could pretend they were mated. He could pretend he didn't have to return to his nest. He could pretend to be happy.

Victor wrapped a hand around his waist, pulled him closer still, and kissed him deeply. Yuri closed his eyes, and let the warmth enveloped him.

* * *

Story is hitting a point of no return soon. Before it does I'm kinda curious, what do you guys think will happen?

For updates, asks, and sneak peaks follow my Tumblr: myka-writes


	18. Yuri, sorry

It was dark when Yuri woke.

The first thing he felt was Victor's arms holding him tight.

The second was a puff of warm breath on the back of his neck.

The third was pure fright when he realized it was probably hours after he had agreed to meet back with Yurio. He hurried to back to the water. Victor's protests calling him back to his arms.

But Yuri had to check on the fingerling. If something happened to him, he would not be able to live with it.

Victor's hand dipped in the water. Yuri reached for it, taking more of the warmth. He pulled the hand close to his cheek and made promises he may not be able to keep.

"I'll come back."

Victor smiled fondly and Yuri started swimming away while hearing replies that urged him to go astray.

"I'll be here waiting."

* * *

The swim back felt eternal. Each swipe of Yuri's tail taking him further and further from Victor.

But he had to check on the fingerling. He'd promise.

Yuri's fear started to become real as he reached the spot where he'd agreed to meet with Yurio and the fingerling was nowhere to be seen.

"Yurio," Yuri called, voice tinted with hesitation. Had something happened to him? Had he tired of waiting and returned to the nest by himself? Should Yuri himself return? What excuse should he use?

Yuri stopped swimming for a moment, trying to decide what to do. The sea quieted around him, except for a small muffled cry. The older natare rushed to the sound near the bottom. Where did it come from? Where did it come from? He heard it again beneath the sand and started taking clumps out.

He touched cold skin four inches in, when he did a petite hand shot up through the earth, trying to scratch him.

"It's me!" Yuri exclaimed at the frightened fingerling that had burrowed himself in the sand. Burrowing was one of the first things a natare would learned as fry. Adult nature are on the top of the food chain by nature. They had the size, speed, and experience to face anything the sea threw at them. Fingerlings didn't have that. They are easy prey for the sharks and meat eaters. How could Yuri have forgotten that?

"It's me," he said again, softer. Yurio was shivering with fright, his eyes searching in alert. It took a moment for him to realized he wasn't in danger anymore. That Yuri wasn't a predator out to tear him apart.

Once the knowledge settled in the fingerling's eyes, he whined, clinging to Yuri like an anchor. "It was scary!" he cried. "It almost ate me." His tail moved slightly and Yuri saw the distinct punctures of teeth on one of the tail fins.

This was his fault. "I'm sorry," he tried to comfort the young natare. Yurio clung to him a little tighter, tiny sobs escaping his lips, his heart thumping rapidly as he hyperventilated. Yuri was still trying to figure out how to calm the fingerling when he suddenly went limp in his arms.

"Yurio?" Yuri asked with fright.

The fingerling's chest rose slowly, his breathing finally eased. Yuri breathe a sigh of relief. It was just another defense mechanism once the young natare had realized there was an older natare there to protect him now.

And Yuri was older. The predators feared him… as long as he was by himself. But in the open with a fingerling to protect he was as much the prey.

The ocean suddenly felt scary for the first time since Yuri had been a fingerling himself. Alone in the depth with a life that depended on him. To not know what was beyond in the darkness where he couldn't see. He remembers the stories of lonely maters trying to protect their fry in the open, only to have them snatched away by sharp teeth and eaten in front of their eyes. This was why fingerlings ventured in supervised groups inside safe areas. This was why they weren't allowed outside the nest by themselves.

The only thing Yuri was sure of was that they couldn't stay here. If they stayed immobile they would just be prey faster. His options were limited. Try to make it back it back to the nest with the unconscious fingerling, or return to the island. The nest was almost half a day's swim away. Yuri knew what kind of predators they could stumble upon. The island was closer, they would have better odds to survive, but it meant Yurio finding out about Victor.

Either way... everything would be over soon.

The familiar sound of a swishing tail claimed his attention. Yuri's heart skipped a beat. His eyes widened, his chest felt tight, his hands started trembling.

"Takeshi..." Yuri's voice was careful.

The monitor chief approached them without saying a word, his eyes hard set on the slumbering fingerling in Yuri's arms. "I should have followed him instead of you. I failed to protect him as well."

Yuri's trembling got worse.

Takeshi set the still hard eyes on Yuri now. "You've been acting so strange, I just had to know."

The sea blurred in front of Yuri. It felt like he couldn't breathe.

Takeshi took the unconscious fingerling from Yuri's arms. Cradling him like he would his own child. "I'll carry him. You watch my back."

He swam forward, but Yuri sat frozen in the sand.

 _We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us, they have to die._

"Did you kill him?" Yuri's voice gets lost in the current.

Takeshi turned around. His eyes stared down at Yuri for a second until something flickered in them. Something like pity.

"Is he dead?" Yuri asked again, meeting the older natare's gaze. He needed to know. Even if it broke his heart. As if he knew the answer, he felt the loss like a deep bleeding wound. If Victor was dead, this was it, he was not going back.

"The human?"

Yuri nodded.

"No." Takeshi's tone was bitter. "I didn't let him see me, like I'm supposed to."

Yuri felt his body relax. He sank closer to the sand and without sinking turned around to go back to the island.

"Yuri!" Takeshi was furious. "You know as well as I that I won't make it by myself. You need to watch my back or are you really going to abandon us?"

Yuri glance towards the direction of the island, resisting every urge that screamed at him to go back to Victor. To really see that he was still alive. One last time, he wanted to see him at least one last time, to tell him not to wait anymore, to tell him that—

"Yuri." Takeshi's voice was calmer this time. "Let's go home."

Yuri nodded sadly. Glanced behind him once more, then followed his chief back to their nest.

* * *

The nursing caves had been restricted to the natare taking care of group B and Takeshi had no choice but to take Yurio to Yuri's cave.

Yuri's family cave was one of the few caves that had available space for more than one natare. The elders could have reassigned the orphaned natare to a smaller cave or allowed another family to live there, but it had been decided for Yuri's wellbeing to retain the space as is so Yuri's family wouldn't be forgotten and he would have something to remember them by. The decision was estimated to be the right one once Yuri was discovered to be a mater and the elders could be reassured that eventually the large cave would be filled with his fry.

It had been almost an hour since Takeshi had left. Yuri swam restlessly from side to side as Yurio slumbered in his sister's old bed. Too many thoughts going through his head, too many worries. Was Victor ok? Will Yurio heal? Did Takeshi lie? What was he going to do now that Takeshi knew? How was he going to leave the nest to see Victor again? Would he even be allowed to leave?

Yuri paused for a moment, noticing the half-moon indents on his arms he'd caused himself by pressing his fingernails into his skin. He was rubbing at the redder ones when Yuko swam inside the cave to treat Yurio. They glanced at each other briefly. The female natare's eyes were puffy and red. Like she hadn't slept since Yuri last saw her. She carried a small box in her hands and placed it next to her as she sat next to Yurio. She didn't say anything at first, just bit her lip as she took a closer look at the fingerling's wound.

The short silence became oppressing and Yuri couldn't take not knowing. "Did Takeshi tell you anything?" he asked cautiously.

She tilted her head. "Only that the he had gotten hurt." She grabbed an ointment from her box and started applying it on Yurio's bite gently. The fingerling released a small sigh of relief. "His wound is not deep," Yuko put the ointment back in the box and closed the lid. "I cleaned it as much as possible, it will heal quickly."

The tiredness in her eyes dissipated a little as she turned her attention to Yuri. "Takeshi said I had to check on you as well. Give me your wrists," she ordered, Yuri obeyed.

She pressed her thumbs along his arms, watching carefully for Yuri's reactions to the impersonal touches. Her skin was warm. A different warmth than when Victor touched him. Yuko felt like the memories of his mother and sister that still remained.

She touched his neck. "Still warm," her voice softened. Touched his belly. "Warmer." A small smile lifted her features. "You haven't told me who it is," she said with a hint of delight and held his hands reassuringly. "Our nest needs this. I'm so happy you found a bonding mate, Yuri. Who is it? Chris, Seung? Or maybe Sara! Even if you're both maters, the elders won't separate bonding mates of different genders. Is that what's worrying you?"

Yuri swallowed hard. He tried to pull away from Yuko's touch. It was one thing to think that his body had been malfunctioning. Another to hear for a fact that it was showing true signs of bonding. With a human.

Now that Takeshi knew about Victor, it was time to stop pretending. "If I can't be with my bonding mate, how long until my body stops feeling warm like this?" Yuri asked.

Yuko shook her head. "Why wouldn't you be with them? Just tell the elders—"

Yuri took in a quick breath, interrupting her. "He's not a part of this nest. He doesn't live in these caves."

Yuko's eyes widened slightly. "Yuri, did you find a stray natare out there during assignment?"

Yuri lowered his head, he couldn't answer. That would give too much away.

"Yuri, what's going on?" Yuko tried to hold his hand, but he pulled away once he felt her warmth. "It looks like you're about to cry. Even if he's a stray, if he's your bonding mate, maybe the elders would allow him inside the nest. Maybe they'll make an exception this time."

 _No. He's human. They will kill him._

"How long?" Yuri asked again, trying to keep his voice as deadpan as possible.

Yuko bit her lip, but stopped pressing. "A bonding is permanent. Once you find your mate, and they are your true bond, your body knows as much as your heart. You will always yearn for them."

Her words didn't cause panic. Didn't cause fear. Somehow, Yuri already knew. He'd seen it before. "It's why my father died right after my mom," he said in a hushed tone.

Yuko reached for his hand once more. He let her grab it this time. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad for her to know everything.

"I miss him already," Yuri whispered, feeling his resolve crumble. Yuko held his hand tighter. "I..."

"Yuri." Takeshi stood just outside the room. "Let's debrief in the monitor cavern. Come."

Yuri nodded, pulling his hands free from Yuko's touch and slowly made his way out the room and out of view.

"What's going on?" Yuko asked her mate before he could leave. Takeshi tried to ignore her, which was a mistake. Yuko swam quickly to him and snatched his hand, demanding her pair bond's attention. "Something is wrong and you know what it is. Yuri found a true mate, but he's miserable. Why?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Tell me now. He's our family. After all he's been through, he deserves to be happy."

"I know. Which is why I'm going to do everything I can to protect him."

"From what?" she demanded, but there was no answer, and she knew she wasn't getting one for now. "Takeshi..." Yuko complained.

He only kissed her furrowing brow before leaving.

* * *

Yuri considered running away twice when he noticed Takeshi had stayed behind to talk to his mate. But he didn't, fleeing would only guarantee Takeshi would follow him, find him, and maybe even regret his decision to let Victor live.

When Takeshi arrived, Yuri knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. So when his friend demanded to hear everything. Yuri took a deep breath and told him everything.

From the moment he saw the ship arrive in his zone. From the moment he knew there would be an event and the ship would be caught in it. Seeing Victor dancing. Watching and listening as all the humans died around him. Finding Victor in the water. Saving him. Knowing him. Bonding with him.

Yuri felt the immense weight lift when he finished telling the story.

Takeshi just stared. Disbelieving.

"We kill humans, Yuri. We don't save them. What were you thinking saving a human? It's because of humans that group B—"

"Victor had nothing to do with that!" Yuri's body instinctively drew forward, he needed to defend his human. Protect him.

"Don't say its name like it belongs here." Takeshi hisses, appalled.

"Why is it so wrong for me to want to spend time with him? I'm not hurting anyone!"

"He's stealing you from us! From this nest. He could tell other human's about us! That's what they do. Humans only take without care! They poison without thinking! They kill without caring!" Takeshi's face was red. Yuri felt cornered. The older natare moved quickly grabbing a pair of shackles from one of the collection piles. "You're my family, Yuri. I'm going to protect you."

Yuri tried to estimate how far he would get if he tried to escape. Not very far. Takeshi was larger, he could swim faster. Yuri had no choice but to swim further inside the cavern. "What do you mean?"

"Since you can't kill him. I'll do it for you."

Yuri saw it before it happened. Takeshi move to lock his arms in the shackles. "No! Please!" Yuri pulled back further inside the cavern, trapping himself further, but at least he was free.

It hurt deeply to be betrayed like this. It shattered his heart. "Please…" Yuri found it hard to speak, hard to think. Just the idea of Victor gone forever… "Please don't kill him… I won't go back… I won't…"

Takeshi stared. First at the shaking natare in front of him. Then at the shackles in his hands, finally realizing the horrible thing he had tried to do and threw them aside. "I'm sorry," he approached the trembling Yuri carefully. "I just want to protect you. How can I do that? I don't want you to vanish as well. We need you, Yuri. This nest needs you. We need fry."

Sorrow was replaced with anger instantly. Yuri expected such words from the elders or people he barely knew. But not Takeshi, not since he knew exactly how Yuri felt about being a mater and being seeing as useful only as long as he had children. Like his life had no value unless he had fry. How could Takeshi say such a thing?

The younger natare moved away from the reassuring touch. His words dry. "That's all I'm good for here. Make fry, we need fry. That's all I hear behind my back!" Takeshi pulled back, surprised. "Well I don't want fry! Not from anyone in this nest." Yuri just knew, he felt it deep in his belly along the memory of warmth. "The only fry I want are Victor's!"

He knew.

He couldn't keep it in anymore.

"He's my _aman_."

"That's madness..." Takeshi shook back a bit.

Saying the words made Yuri's body feel warm instantly. He was tired of fighting with himself and what his heart and body wanted. These past few days with Victor had made him realize how much he hated his life inside the nest. How trapped he constantly felt, how hopeless.

Even know, thinking of Victor waiting for him on the island made his heart surge with delight and his body itch with yearning. He had found his aman. Something every natare yearns from, something impossible for most.

It made him so happy.

"Please, Takeshi. I want to be with him. To never leave his side. I don't care if he's human." Each word lifted Yuri's spirit. "I've always been told I can choose who will be my mate." Each word made him happier and happier. He was going to leave this nest forever to be with Victor. He knew Takeshi would not stop him. "There are other maters to take my place. I can just disappear during my next assignment. It's not that uncommon for monitors to come to grizzly ends or simply vanish."

Takeshi's shoulders slumped. "I can't, Yuri." He ran one hand over his eyes, rubbing them hard as if something heavy weighted atop his shoulders. "I can't. I have strict orders to stop all assignments, especially yours. You're a mater, Yuri.

"But the others—"

Takeshi released a shuddering breath. "There are no others." He sunk against the rock, supporting his weight on it as he covered his mouth. "All the maters from group B succumbed to the human poison this morning. They're all gone, Yuri."

The world shook.

Suddenly Yuri forgot about everything that weighed on him. His problems instantly becoming tiny spots inside him. Meaningless. He only recalled his friends holding tight to each other, trying to breath, trying to live, and the sound of soft songs being sung.

 _I can feel my heartbeats waving like the ocean…_

"Guang-Hong... Leo..."

* * *

 **Notes** :

I LOVE hearing your theories on what's going to happen even if I can't confirm or deny those theories. Some of you were pretty close or spot on though XD

For updates, asks, sneak peaks, and YOI mermaid reposts follow my Tumblr: myka-writes


	19. Yuri, disconnecting

Yuri swam quickly through tight corners and small passages of the nest, reaching his cluster quickly. Skipping the entrance to his cave and going straight to Leo's instead.

"Leo!" Yuri called.

He was met by a hush. A request to be quiet. A finger over lips.

Leo sat gingerly on his bed, his fingers absentmindedly running through Guang-Hong's hair. The fingerling slept soundly, body instinctively reaching for his aman — his true mate's — touch.

"You're ok," Yuri whispered as he approached, not wanting to wake the fingerling.

Leo nodded sadly, then kissed Guang-Hong's forehead, before covering his body with more algae and swimming out of the room with Yuri following him.

"Yuko said Guang-Hong should be fully recovered in the next few days," Leo said.

"You fed him. Never left his side. You saved him…" Yuri felt a stray tear roll down his cheek. His thoughts with the ones that didn't make it. The five mater fingerlings that died, and Minako.

Leo shook his head. "We saved each other." The young natare moved his tail restlessly. "I feel so guilty," he lowered his voice. "Why did only Guang-Hong survive? The others had their families with them. What was the difference?"

Yuri touched the locket around his neck. "You're his aman," he whispered.

"That shouldn't matter." Leo's voice broke and Yuri agreed. It shouldn't matter. But somehow it did.

They sat on the common area of the cave. "You're parents..." Yuri queried, noticing the empty half of the cave.

Leo didn't take his eyes off the room where Guang-Hong was. "They were called to the emergency elders meeting. There's been rumors... that things are going to change."

"Five maters died." Yuri bit his lip.

"How many are there left now?"

"Only three unmated. Four if we include Guang-Hong."

"He's mine," Leo snapped. There wasn't animosity in his voice, just facts.

Yuri nodded. He understood. The indescribable pull of being with your aman. Of belonging with them, of feeling possessive of them. Right now all he wanted was to be with Victor, make sure his human was well fed and healthy.

"The entire nest knows we're each other's aman." Leo continued. "It's not our fault we realize it just after last year's mater assembly."

The mater assembly… Yuri had almost forgotten… "They'll likely push up the assembly date now," he said deadpan. The assembly happened once every two years. It was when unpaired maters could choose their mate or if their time was up, get one chosen for them.

"It's your last assembly isn't it?" Leo asked, like he knew what Yuri was thinking. Everyone in the nest knew. Yuri was considered too old to be an unmated mater. He had gotten away with it so far because he was an orphan, and because group B had given the nest hope that the lack of maters in the nest would be a thing of the past. Now that the group was gone. There was just so much leniency the nest would allow. If any.

Yuri felt the dark bubble rise within him again, along with the bitter cold across his skin. He was never going to be allowed to leave was he? He was never going to see Victor again. He told Victor he would come back, Victor said he would wait.

How many times had he heard Victor's stomach rumble with need. How many times did he bring food to the human? How long would Victor survive without him?

He had to go back somehow.

He had to keep his word.

He had no idea how, but he had to see Victor again, even if it was to tell him that—

"There you are scotoplane."

Both Leo and Yuri turned towards the entrance to Leo's cave. Yurio swam in just passed the threshold, like nothing had happened to him. Like he didn't almost die.

Leo swam towards his aman. "I have to tend to Guang-Hong," he offered Yuri a soft smile. "See you around."

Yuri nodded and left the cave, motioning at Yurio to follow him.

"What assembly were you talking about?" The fingerling asked as he followed.

Yuri didn't answer until he was back in his own cave. "The mater assembly," he sat on a rock in his common room.

"Isn't that every two years?" Yurio asked, going to Yuri's food area and rummaging through Yuri's things like before. Did this fingerling had any notion of personal space?

"I have a feeling they will move it up."

Yurio hummed in agreement, poking his head inside the storage hole within the rock. "Makes sense. Grandpa always says the mater assembly is the most important one for the nest. The one that will direct our future." Finding Yuri's box of shrimp, the fingerling yipped in triumph.

"I guess…" Yuri muttered. He didn't want to speak with this with Yurio. Not with a privileged fingerling that had no idea — and never will — of how freedom was strictly controlled inside the nest. All in the name of survival. All in the name of a continued carbon copy existence of the generation before them.

"I'm sorry you got hurt." Yuri changed the subject.

Yurio stuffed some shrimp on his mouth and looked at his tail. The wound was already healing and he could move it just fine. "It's not your fault. It was my idea to split up," he said between chews.

"You were my responsibility. I still shouldn't have left."

"I wanted you to." The fingerling shrugged, offering Yuri his own box of shrimp. There was only one left. The older natare shook his head. He wasn't hungry. "I wanted to be left alone." Yurio ate the last shrimp without hesitation. "I wanted to search for my…" he paused, and stared at the now empty box.

 _Searching?_ Yurio was a fingerling that had never been outside of the nest before. What possibly could he be searching for? Yuri wanted to know, but he didn't press, he just waited until the fingerling was ready.

"My parents are voyagers." The fingerling revealed.

 _Oh…_

Voyagers were natare assigned to leave the nest for long periods of time. To search for unknown sources of food, unknown dangers. See what territory humans have claimed as their own. Search for other natare, and perhaps an even better nest. They were frequently gone for months, sometimes even years. He didn't remember Yurio's parents.

"How long have they been gone?" Yuri asked.

"They left when I was four."

 _Eleven years... too long…_

"Everyone says they're never coming back, but sometimes... sometimes my grandpa would say it could be possible. That I could see them again one day. I barely remember them as it is. My mother would pat my hair, my father was stern..."

The fingerling looked a bit younger as he talked about his parents. Yuri wonder if he did the same when talking about his family. Did he have that lost look as well?

He realized then — that out of the entire nest — Yurio was the only one that could understand to some degree what it felt like. To remember your mother's words or your father's hugs. To remember them and know you will never see or feel them again.

It was not only a name they shared.

They were both searching for something that claimed their hearts.

But even so, it was his duty as an adult in the nest to protect the fries and the fingerlings. To protect the future.

"It was still my responsibility as your trainer to make sure you were safe. I didn't do that. I never should have left you alone. I'm sorry."

"I didn't die right?" The fingerling grinned and moved his tail. "I'll heal in no time and now that you know my secret, next time we go on assignment you have to help me search for my parents."

Yuri smiled and nodded. Even if he knew that wasn't possible. As one of the three unmated mater's left in the nest, he would never be allowed to leave. He would be given a mate and be confined to the caves until he had fry.

Yurio didn't need to know that.

* * *

"I want to see him again."

Yuri closed his hands into fists. He didn't blink, didn't stutter. Takeshi stared at him like he had lost his mind.

The mater had spent the last few hours debating what to do. What he wanted to do versus what could he possibly do?

He'd decided he was going to see Victor again. He couldn't stand that the last word he said to the human were a promise that he was going to come back. It was tearing him apart, thinking of Victor believing his words and waiting forever.

After the elders emergency meeting ended, an announcement was spread throughout the nest that no natare was allowed to leave, and that watchers would be stationed at all entrances. It would be impossible to escape even for a handful of hours. He needed help.

"No." The monitor chief said without hesitation, taking the younger natare further inside his cave so they wouldn't be overheard. "You heard the elder's mandate. No one leaves."

"I need to see him," Yuri insisted, he didn't back down. "I told him I would come back. I don't want him to wait—"

"He'll be fine. He's not going to wait. As soon as a ship finds him he'll disappear."

Yuri bit his lip. "I want to see him," he repeated. "Please."

Takeshi glanced towards the cave entrance. As if to verify their conversation was private. "I know you, Yuri. I know when you are lying. You have no intention of coming back."

Yuri remained quiet. It was true. He didn't. Even if his intention was truly to say goodbye, he knew once he was back with Victor he would choose the human. He would choose his aman.

Takeshi gritted his teeth. "Why do you keep insisting in putting this nest in danger? Our livelihood — our very existence could depend on you."

"Then perhaps we are meant to die out!" Yuri snapped. His frustration boiling to something he couldn't contain. "This world is no longer made for us. It's made for humans. You're a monitor too, you've seen it." Yuri remembers the moment he realized this world wasn't meant for his kind. The day he saw the giant over bearing shadows looming above him. Natare were simply surviving. Trying desperately to hold on to a way of life that was no longer viable in a human world. "One natare— I shouldn't be the sole pillar on which this nest survives or dies. That's ludicrous. Things will be fine without me. They will adapt. They will survive."

"That isn't the problem!" Takeshi swam forward, his body towering over Yuri's. "This isn't about how each year we have fewer maters and fewer fry born. How can you still not understand? What are we to humans, Yuri? If nothing more than a fairy tale?"

"To Victor I'm real." Yuri countered, unfazed.

"Exactly. Without you he has nothing but a crazy story. With you he has proof we exist. You leaving to be with a human puts every natare in danger, not just yourself!"

Yuri swam backwards. The realization from Takeshi's words hitting him.

"Don't make me choose, Yuri." Takeshi's voice was careful. "Don't make me choose between you and my girls. I would die for them. I would kill for them." He bit out harshly. The implication unhidden in his words. That if he had to, he was going to kill Victor to protect the nest. "Can you tell me with one hundred percent certainty that that human won't betray you? That he would keep you a secret for the rest of his life?"

Yuri wanted to say yes. That Victor would never betray him. Would never sell him out to other humans. He was his aman. He was Yuri's aman. Something every natare dreams of, something every natare would be overjoyed to have. Surely they would accept him...

But Victor wasn't natare. Victor was human. A human trapped in an island. A human that had survived so far because of Yuri.

So what was Yuri to Victor?

"Humans don't pick mates like we do, Yuri." Takeshi continued. "They do not feel a bond like we do. They do not feel the warmth of it."

"Please stop..." Yuri didn't want to hear it. He knew this was true. He knew it when Victor asked about the warmth his body generated. Clear that he didn't feel the same things Yuri felt.

"Yuko confirmed you haven't fully bonded yet. What you feel will fade away. You can pick a new mate, a natare, someone that can actually be with you in this nest."

"I want Victor..."

Takeshi's voice lost all kindness. "I have every reason to restrict you to this nest. Every reason to tell the elders there is a stranded human in one of our areas and that we need to get rid of it."

Yuri whimpered.

"But if you promise me... If you swear that it is just to say goodbye. I'll let you go see him."

Yuri's heart fluttered.

"You will?"

Takeshi reached out, like he wanted to comfort Yuri, but his fingers never connected. "I'll go with you to make sure you come back. I won't intrude. I'll stay away while you say goodbye."

Yuri looked away.

While he says goodbye.

It was the only thing he could do wasn't it? He couldn't stay with Victor like he wanted to. Couldn't run away like he wanted to. But he could at least make sure Victor wouldn't wait for him. So when a boat arrived he could return to where he belonged. With other humans. Not trapped in an island where he could barely survive.

It had never been meant to be.

This way they would both at least live. This way he could at least remember that for a little while he had found his aman, and for a little while he'd been happy.

With the ache in his heart growing and growing Yuri nodded. Accepting Takeshi's offer. "Ok. Just to say goodbye."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

The unspoken rule of angst is that things will get worse before they get better, right? But how bad will they get? I want to hear your theories again, gimme, gimme.


	20. Victor, telling

It was the middle of the night when they left. The nest void of life or noises.

The watchers stood still at the entrance, unmoving forces fulfilling the elder's mandate. Their eyes careful as they saw Takeshi and Yuri approach. Yuri recognize them, they were retired monitors. They knew him and Takeshi well.

A lie got them to pass. It made Yuri feel slightly less insecure about Takeshi's intentions. The chief was risking his position in the nest and the security of his family. Yuri had every reason to trust him, but still a little part of him wondered if his friend was really coming along only to make sure he would return, or would he try to hurt to hurt Victor.

Yuri led the way. Takeshi followed. The conversation between them non-existent.

The silence made Yuri think of things he didn't want to. Of his life after today without Victor. What would it be like? Would he really move on? Will it all become a flicker of memory? Something he remembers once in a while?

Takeshi rose to the surface first. The moon still high in the sky as they reached the island. Yuri hesitated for a minute, listening to the sound of the water crashing into land.

"I'll wait here." Takeshi said. "Go."

Yuri took a deep breath and moved forward, stopping suddenly as his hand was snatched and pulled back.

"Twenty minutes, Yuri," Takeshi warned. The younger natare's eyes widened. _Twenty minutes? Only twenty minutes? Why?_ "Any longer and I will come get you. I will keep our nest's vow if that human sees me."

The threat was clear and it was like Yuri suddenly didn't know this Takeshi. It wasn't the Takeshi that live in the same cluster as him for as long as he could remember. It wasn't the Takeshi that found him crying in one of the cave holes after his family died and hugged him. Nor the Takeshi that promised him he would do everything in his power for him to be a permanent monitor so he wouldn't be forced to be a mater.

No. This Takeshi was a natare Yuri didn't know. A natare that wasn't his friend.

"Ok." Yuri's voice was cold, devoid of anything. He turned around towards the island. "I'll be back in twenty minutes."

* * *

Yuri didn't check the seashell. He didn't search frantically.

He knew where Victor was, he could feel it.

The cave was dark. The fire had long since died out.

Victor was sleeping. His chest slowly rising and falling with every breath.

Yuri quietly hopped over the rock barrier and dipped into the cave pool.

He watched — for a minute – and for that minute he considered that perhaps it would be best to disappear without a word. To retain their last moment together as something happy and not broken. He could take the seashell and leave it on the barrier along with the necklace. Victor was smart enough to decipher what that meant. He would know that he would be alone from now on.

Victor took a deep breath and shifted in his sleep.

"Victor," Yuri called. Hand leaving the water and reaching for the human. "Victor wake up."

Blue eyes snapped open. A quick flash of surprise ran across them as they searched in the dark, adjusting and filling with affection as soon as recognition sank in. "Yuri, Yuri," Victor sat up and the natare pushed himself out of the water to sit next to him. "Yuri…" Fingers dipped into the skin of natare's arm, each one igniting the warmth inside him. The warmth now Yuri knew was his body recognizing and bonding with his aman.

Victor kept saying his name as the fingers travelled upwards, as they caressed his face and pulled him close so their lips brushed.

"Wait, I can't see you," Victor said as he broke apart and moved to the little fire pit.

Yuri slowly turned away from the touch, already wanting more. Yuko had confirmed that he hadn't fully bonded with Victor yet, but what if she'd been wrong and it was it already too late? What if he would say goodbye and the ache would never leave him?

Victor lit the fire on his second try, the light and heat from the flame filling the cave. He smiled proudly at the simple achievement and Yuri felt the warmth even if Victor wasn't touching him.

"You got the hang of it." The natare took his tail out of the water and rested it on the rock.

"Survival," Victor commented. "Raw fish is not exactly something my stomach enjoys."

"You can catch your own now right?"

Victor crawled back to his side and sat next to him, facing the opposite side. Their hands brushing against each other.

"To be honest, not really. The only fish I've eaten are the ones you caught for me. I've found some edible things on the island and crabs are easy enough to catch, but sometimes…"

"You go hungry," Yuri finished the statement.

Victor nodded as he leaned forward to rest his forehead on Yuri's shoulder. "I need you here, and not because I need food. Yuri, I want you here all the time. I miss you. I keep dreaming about you."

 _Me too_. Yuri wanted to say, but only had a sad smile to give at the words. He was running out of minutes.

"Something bad happened in my nest," he said with a shaking breath. "I came to tell you—"

Yuri turned sharply towards the ocean at the sound of a splash. The undeniable sound of a tail splashing. Takeshi. Why… He still had minutes.

Arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him further away from the water. "Don't go back," Victor whispered against his ear, a tinge of fright hidden beneath the words, like he knew. "Stay here with me. We'll figure something out. I don't want to see you swimming away not knowing if you will return."

Yuri heard the splashing again. Takeshi was out there, watching him. Was he making sure Yuri wouldn't betray the nest? Didn't he trust him?

For that moment Yuri hated the older natare. For not only threatening Victor's life, but even stealing this moment from them. Hated him for making Yuri feel so powerless. There was nothing he could do. Nothing but say goodbye and stop prolonging the inevitable.

"I can't." Yuri squirmed away from Victor's touch.

"Yuri…"

This had to be enough. This would have to be enough to keep him warm for the rest of his life until he returned to the dark. As he mated with a natare they will pick for him, as he gave birth to fry and spent the rest of his life cold inside the nest.

"Yuri." Victor called his name again. Reaching. Touching.

When Yuri felt the warmth spread he broke the connection — afraid — then crawled quickly to the pool and went back in the water. Reminding himself he came to say goodbye.

"Yuri?" Victor's eyes were uncertain, he moved carefully, lying face down on the rock, resting his head on his right arm and reaching out towards the natare with the left. His fingers hovered less than an inch from the water, and from Yuri.

"I came to say—"

"Remember that day I ran across the island?" Victor interrupted as he stretched his hand as far as he could. "The first time we kissed?" Yuri avoided the touch, a flicker of hurt crossed Victor's eyes. "I told you I thought I'd heard a boat."

Yuri touched his own lips. The memory flickering in his mind. "I remember," he answered softly.

"It came back."

Yuri's fright was instant. A boat meant other humans. A boat meant other humans could have seen him just like Takeshi had warned.

"It came back while you were gone," Victor continued. "A young man with dark hair drove it. I watched him from the ridge as he reached the shore. Watched as he searched around the beach. I watched and I hid. I hid from him. I didn't even think about it. All I could think was that I couldn't just disappear without telling you. Without figuring out how we could see each other again."

Victor's fingers dipped gently in the water.

"We can't." Yuri said dryly. "It's mating season soon, I will be paired with another natare and start a family."

"But you don't want to."

Yuri looked up as his pretense crumbled. No, he didn't want to. He had never wanted to. He blinked as an overwhelming feeling of sadness suddenly tugged at his heart.

"It's the way things are. The only way they can be."

"But why?" Victor asked. "What if you run away? Couldn't you stay with me?"

 _I already tried._

Yuri reached for the necklace around his neck. Pulling the chain above his head and collecting it in the palm of his hand and offering it to Victor. "I can't stay. We don't fit."

"I don't care if we're different."

Yuri offered the locket again, this time with both hands.

"I don't want it if it means I'll never see you again."

Yuri didn't move. _Take it back and remember I once had it. Take it back and remember that for a little while it made me happy._

Victor moved, snatched Yuri's wrist instead of the necklace, and pulled him forward. The locket slipped and fell to the bottom of the pool.

"I hear the words you're saying," Victor's voice broke a tad. "But I can see your face, Yuri. You're hurting, like me. You want to stay."

Yuri knew his face betrayed him, the crushing hurt in his chest. The natare felt warm tears trail down his cheeks. "I do want to stay. I want to stay, but I can't." He broke free and swam to the opposite side of the pool, as far from Victor as possible. "This time when I leave. I'm not coming back."

Victor's eyes widened, he moved without thinking, rising quickly and diving into the pool. Yuri scrammed away, he couldn't let Victor touch him. If Victor touched him his resolve would vanish with the warmth from his aman. If Victor touched him he would never want to leave his side again, and Takeshi would come looking for him, he would see Victor, he would kill Victor.

The natare hopped over the rock barrier with practiced ease just before Victor reached him. The human struggled desperately to go over the barrier as Yuri watched from the open sea.

"Take that boat when it returns," Yuri cried. It was impossible to hide his sorrow any longer.

"Don't leave!" Victor dove into the ocean and started following, but he would never catch Yuri, he wasn't built for swimming, he couldn't keep up. "Please don't leave! I—"

"I'm not coming back," Yuri cut the words, feeling a part of him die within him. Knowing he would feel the loss like a tiny wound forever.

"Don't wait anymore," Yuri told him. "Don't die here alone. Survive. Get on that boat. Forget about me and live a long life."

"But I don't want to forget you!" Victor used his entire strength to try to reach Yuri one last time, but Yuri moved away with ease from the human's grasp.

There was a small moment of silence between them, of understanding. Yuri tried to smile, committing Victor's face to memory.

"Don't leave," the human begged.

Yuri smiled through the tears, hoping Victor would remember at least that. "Goodbye," he said, then turned around and disappeared into the dark.

* * *

 **Author's Notes** :

For updates, asks, sneak peaks, and YOI mermaid reposts follow my Tumblr: myka-writes


	21. Yuri, in the dark

Takeshi didn't understand.

He didn't understand when Yuri refused to speak as they made their way back to the nest and refused to answer when he was asked questions.

He didn't understand when Yuri ignored his invite to share a meal and shut himself away in his cave instead after they arrived at their cluster.

He didn't understand when Yuri decided to miss all his appointment the following day.

And he didn't understand when he was woken in the middle of the following night by a low sorrowful cry.

At first he thought it was his girls, but he found them sleeping soundly in their room, unbothered by the noise.

"It's coming from one of the other caves," Yuko said with slight alarm. "Maybe it's Guang-Hong." She dashed towards the center of the cluster and made her way to the adjoining caves. Takeshi followed close behind. Leo's cave was quiet. They were also undisturbed by the sound.

"It's Yuri," Takeshi said. Yuko turned towards him, her eyes widening slightly. This was a cry she was familiar with.

She swam even faster than before and by the time Takeshi caught up, she was already sitting by Yuri's side. Her face twisted with concern. "He's in distress," she hissed.

Yuri moaned mournfully at the sound of her voice. His entire body was curled into a ball, his breathing coming in shallow gasps.

"These are symptoms of losing someone, this level of distress…" Yuko's voice tinged with concern.

"But he wasn't bonded. You checked on him before we left."

She bit her lip and looked at her mate. "What happened yesterday? He was fine before you left. Did you meet the natare he was bonding with?"

Takeshi gritted his teeth. "I met him."

"And?" She pushed. "Did you notice any signs of an aman bonding?"

"He said it was… but I don't think so. It would be impossible."

Yuko's brow furrowed. "Aman's are different, our knowledge is limited. Short of that their bond is strong and are likely to die without each other, we know nothing."

"But they still didn't mate," he repeated as if would make a difference. "Even if it was his aman, the bond never happened. He's not going to die is he?" He swam next to Yuri, touched his shoulder. The younger natare shook away from the touch and cried in pain.

"We have to take him to the nursing caves," Yuko said. "I can treat him better there."

"No!" Takeshi snapped. "If we take him there, the others will start asking questions." He ran a hand over his hair. "Maybe if I take him back to the island."

"He won't survive in the open," Yuko said. "A natare in distress is nothing more than free lunch for the predators." She pressed her palm against Yuri's brow. He still resisted, but didn't fight her touch. "Go find his mate." Her eyes locked with Takeshi's. "I know you know who it is and where to find them. Bring him here."

"I can't." Takeshi's voice was powerless.

"I'll convince the elders. They have to let him in the nest. I'll—"

"I can't," Takeshi repeated. Teeth grinding. Hands closed into fists. He regretted everything. "It's a human. Yuri's mate is a human… He called him Victor."

At the sound of the name Yuri's body shook, curling further into a ball. The name of his aman escaping like a cry from his lips.

Yuko watched. Her features twisting like a thousand thoughts were running through her head. "The stories..." she whispered.

Yuri cried out again. His hands pressing against his stomach.

"Bring the girls. All of them. Now." Yuko ordered.

Takeshi wasted no time rushing to their cave and picking up his girls one by one. They burrowed sleepily against his chest for the short journey, seeking the warmth of their parent. They didn't wake as Yuko took each one carefully into her arms and settled them against Yuri. Axel against his chest. Lutz against his back and neck. Loop atop his tail.

The three fry nuzzled close to Yuri in their sleep. Instinctively searching for the warmth of a mater, even if it wasn't their parent.

Yuri's body became rigid at first from the strange new warmth, his fingers reaching for things that weren't there, until they found little warm heads to pat. Little warm bundles to hold. It took a few minutes, but eventually he settled and his breathing calmed.

Yuko released a breath she'd been holding and moved quietly, grabbing Takeshi's hand and pulling him out of the cave and back to theirs. Her fingers squeezed her mate's hand as they crossed the threshold. "Tell me everything," she demanded.

Takeshi sat on a rock in their common room. "Is he going to die?" he asked again.

Yuko bit her lip. "If the human really is his aman he could. His body was getting ready for mating season, for fry. I think the girls will trick his body into believing they are the fry he would have had with his aman. Hopefully it will be enough to bring him out of his distress. If he doesn't come out of it, he will die, but he's done it before. He's strong."

Takeshi stared at the floor. "I remember the last time he was in distress. Nuzzling against his father only to find him cold when he woke. I remember his cries and tears. We bundled together to keep him warm. Us and Leo." The memory flickered in and out. "I remember all this and I still…" Yuko pulled her troubled mate close. "I just couldn't believe the stories were real. I was just thinking about our girls. Our nest. If humans discover we're more than a fairytale—" He pressed his forehead against hers. "We're already dying in alarming numbers without them knowing. How would we survive if they do? What kind of life would that be for our girls?"

"It's not your fault."

"But it is," his voice broke. "I chose not to believe him. I chose to think that the stories were just stories. I gave him no choice and took away his life and love. I can't take him back to the island. I can't bring his human here. I can't do nothing but hope he survives. Did you see how he recoiled from my touch? How even in distress he knows I was the one who hurt him…"

"It's not your fault," Yuko repeated in tears. Arms around her mate's neck, nose nuzzling against his neck. "It's not your fault."

Takeshi clung to her. To her warmth. They may not be an aman pair, but it didn't mean their bond was any less strong. She and their girls were his world. His everything. He had only been trying to protect them.

If Yuri survived they could apologize and try to make it up to him. If he survived… Yuko squeezes her mate's hand. They exchange a mournful look. "Tell me everything, from the beginning."

* * *

Yuri didn't want to open his eyes. There was something pleasant about floating in the dark where he didn't have to remember.

It wasn't just that Victor was out of hands reach. It was knowing that he would never see him again that made him feel like suffocating. Like he would drown even if he could breathe in the water.

This was what it was like to lose your aman.

But Yuri didn't get lost in the dark. He was surrounded by warmth. Little bundles clung to him. He could feel tiny hands pressing against his skin. Their little fins wagging happily. Part of him wanted their warmth. The warmth of fry that needed him to survive. Part of him resented it because it wasn't the same as Victor's.

He would never feel Victor's warmth again and the little dark thoughts still floating inside his head hoped that the loss would kill him.

Someone sneezed. Yuri opened one eye to see one of Takeshi's daughters nuzzling like a ball against his chest. Another was curled around his tail, the third latched on to his back.

The feeling was familiar. The feeling from a long time ago when he'd lost his family and he woke to find Takeshi, Yuko, and Leo clinging to him.

Seeing the small fry clutched at his heart. These weren't his fry. He would never have fry with Victor. Would never hold a new life that resembled the human.

"Glad to see you're all right," Yuko's smile was halfhearted. Takeshi stood by her, waiting.

Yuri patted one of the girls head as his heart filled with heartache. "Please take them," he couldn't hide the sorrow in his voice. "Please take them."

Yuko and Takeshi moved quickly, picking up their fry. Yuko insisted in taking all three and without another word took them back to their cave. Takeshi remained.

Yuri sat up sluggishly. His stomach rumbling and demanding food, but he wasn't hungry yet. Not yet.

"I'm sorry," Takeshi spoke.

Yuri felt his heart tug. "Are you apologizing because I almost died?" he couldn't hide the rancor he felt.

"I thought you hadn't bonded. I thought I could save you."

"Save me?" Yuri felt angry tears well behind his eyes. "From being wanted by someone? From being happy?" he snapped. "My entire life I have been shunned by this nest. I was always the orphan. Deserving of pity. Deserving of loneliness. It was never bad when you, Yuko, and Leo were with me. I had a happy life in this cluster because you were there. But after you and Yuko mated. After Leo found Guang-Hong. You started forgetting about me. And none of you noticed me sitting here alone day after day, grabbing dead shrimp from an almost empty barrel. None of you noticed!"

Yuri gasped for air. The words and feelings he'd been thinking for so long finally out and heard. His aman was gone. He had nothing left to lose.

It remained quiet for a while. Takeshi sat defeated close by. "I was trying to save you from the stories."

"What stories?" Yuri snapped, the anger still close to his heart.

"The stories the elders reveal to the chiefs. The warnings about humans. The reason behind our vow."

 _We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us, they have to die._

"It's to protect the nest," Yuri said.

"Yes," Takeshi acknowledged. "And to protect ourselves," he paused. "We kill humans on sight as to not fall under their spell."

The words triggered a memory of a ship in the dark. The sounds of glee. The dance of silver and feet.

"The stories tell of how natare feel compelled to bond with humans. Even when they don't want to. Human warmth triggers something inside us. An impulse that can't be controlled or resisted. Leaving us no choice but to bond with them."

Yuri remembered diving into the water to save Victor. Letting the human touch his tail. The warmth spreading like wildfire. The matching of lips he couldn't resist.

"To be used by them," Takeshi finished.

Yuri bit his lip until he drew blood. So what if it had been a spell. What if he had been trapped from the moment he laid eyes on that dancing form? It didn't matter. It didn't matter how or why it had happened anymore.

"Even if it was something I couldn't control." Yuri's voice shuddered. "Even if I didn't know what was happening… Even then I still wanted to be with him!" he cried. "He tried to follow me. He wanted me too!"

"I saw. I'm sorry." Takeshi looked down, guilt and regret written all over his face. "I don't know if it's possible, but if I can I'll—"

A howl echoed through the cave. Takeshi immediately turned to the sound and swam to its direction. Yuri followed and when they reached the center of the cluster saw the cause of the commotion.

Three watchers stood near the entrance to their cluster. Guang-Hong sat next to one while Leo was kept at a distance by a second.

"Are you mater Yuri?" The third of the watchers asked, his hazel eyes reflecting no kindness. He held a long staff in one hand. He was the leader.

"Yes," Yuri hesitated, the urge to lie heavy on his tongue, but there was no lying here.

The hazel-eyed watcher approached close to enough to be at arm's length. A nonverbal warning. "All mater's are to be taken to the nursing caves prior to the mater assembly." Yuri flinched and instinctively retreated a few paces. The watcher grabbed his arm to pull him back. "Elders orders. For your safety."

"The assembly isn't scheduled for another few months." Takeshi said.

"It's been moved by elder rule," the watcher responded. "The nest will be informed in the morning to protect the remaining maters."

"He's my aman," Leo cut in, trying to push past the heavy watcher keeping him away from Guang-Hong. "I demand to stay by his side as per nest law."

The smallest watcher next to Guang-Hong spoke. "You are not his official mate. We will take him like all the others."

"He just recovered from an illness." Leo growled. The hazel-eyed watcher held his staff a little tighter. "If something happens to him. If he falls ill again I'll—"

"I'll be fine, Leo," Guang-Hong swam around the watchers, they didn't stop him. The fingerling's voice was soft, reassuring his aman, preventing him from doing something that could get him hurt. Leo wrapped his arms protectively around the younger natare, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. Yuri could tell he was resisting with all his might taking Guang-Hong back to their cave and hiding him away. "I'll be fine," the young mater repeated. "This is a good thing. It means I get to choose you for real."

"Yeah…" Leo whispered. "And then no one can separate us."

Guang-Hong smiled and kissed Leo's lips softly. "You just have to be patient for a little longer."

"When is the assembly taking place?" Takeshi asked. His eyes meeting Yuri's briefly.

Yuri held his breath. How much time he had left until it was too late? How long did he have to try and run away? Takeshi hadn't said it out loud, but this time he would help Yuri escape. This time he would help Yuri be with Victor forever.

"Tomorrow," came the answer.

Yuri felt the air leave his lungs. He had no time at all.

 **Notes** :

Even if I had to split the chapter it somehow ended long still. Hope you enjoyed.

As always I love your theories.

Visit me over at Tumblr (myka-writes) to chat, chapter sneak peaks and progress updates!

P.S. I had to do research on aquatic breathing for this chapter, so in theory it's possible Yuri has air in his lungs even if he's underwater.


	22. Yuri, mated

The group swam towards the nursing caves. No one uttered a word as they passed quiet clusters full of sleeping natare.

Guang-Hong stuck to Yuri like a sea urchin. His small hands casually touching Yuri's back for safety and reassurance. Just like Yurio, the fingerling instinctively sought out the safety of an older natare, and right now the only one to offer that safety was Yuri. It wasn't the group of watchers surrounding them as they were being escorted to the nursing caves. On the contrary, their presence left the two maters with a sense of foreboding, like something bad could happen at any moment.

A twist of a tail caught Yuri's eye. "There's an interesting rumor going around the nest." The youngest watcher — a barely of-age natare with crimson hair — teased, glancing at Yuri momentarily. It the older mater's hair stand on end.

"The rumor is mater Yuri hasn't chosen a mate." The watcher with sleek dark hair added with a grin and pointed towards group's leader. "Pick Chris, he'll be a good mate."

"Georgi," the hazel-eyed watcher hissed. "It's irresponsible to use our position to influence a mater's decision."

Georgi gritted his teeth, ignoring his leader's warning. "So what? There weren't enough maters before as it was. Now that so many died, we may never have maters of our own. I want fry of my own too. This could be our only chance."

Guang-Hong yelped when Georgi suddenly stopped mid-swim and grabbed the fingerling's arm. Pulling him forward. Yuri moved quickly pushing the larger natare away and swiping at him with his tail as he put himself between Guang-Hong and the watcher group. Georgi's eyes flickered with fury and he rushed forward as a hiss escaped his lips. Yuri braced himself for impact when the Chris intercepted — pressing his staff against Georgi's throat — halting his advance. "You only get one warning, Georgi. We don't touch the maters."

Georgi exchanged a quick frazzled look with his leader — waited for a breath — then backed off, bowing in apology.

Yuri felt Guang-Hong's small fingers squeezing his arm.

"Chris is a good leader," the third watcher whispered against Yuri's ear. "He'd make an excellent mate." The older mater backed off from the proximity. Behind him, Guang-Hong shivered.

"Enough," Chris snapped at his watchers. "We will take these maters to the nursing caves without further problems, understand?"

"Yes, sir," the three watchers replied sullenly as they returned to formation.

They moved on. The rest of the journey thankfully quiet and without incident. Four more watchers guarded the entrance to the nursing caves when they arrived. All four bowed when Chris passed through. Guang-Hong snug closer to Yuri, his eyes slowly tracking their vigilant eyes.

"We will remain at the entrance, but won't disturb you. Please try to rest for tomorrow." Chris said as he allowed the maters to pass him and go further inside the cave.

"Thank you," Yuri said as the watcher leader gave him a small nod, a smile, then returned to the entrance.

Guang-Hong immediately relaxed once the watchers were gone, but still remained behind Yuri as they ventured further into the nursing caves. It was long before they heard a pair of twins was squabbling inside.

"I'm choosing someone and you can't stop me!" A female natare with long dark hair swam a half circle around her sibling. "You can ask for exemption again, but I don't want to."

"Saraaaa," the male complained.

Sara was having none of it. "No, Michele. I've requested exemption since I've been of age because you always beg me to do it, but not this year. This year I'm choosing Seung-Gil."

"He doesn't want to be chosen," Michele sniped. "The only reason he even pays attention to you is because we live in the same cluster."

Sara glared, but Yuri noticed the ever so subtle quiver on her lips. Michele seemed to regret the words, but he didn't take them back.

"What's exemption?" Guang-Hong asked, peeking behind Yuri.

The twins turned to him in unison. Sara's mouth broke into a smile. "Yuri!" She rushed over and hugged the older mater tightly with delight.

"Hi, Sara." Yuri patted her back softly and tried to return her smile, but his heart just wasn't in it.

"This is the fingerling mater?" Michele peered behind his sister. Guang-Hong moved next to Yuri. His body relaxing now that he was among maters only. "This is your first assembly, isn't it?" Michele smirked at Guang-Hong. "All first-time maters get exemption anyway." Guang-Hong blinked, still unsure. "That means you don't have to choose a mate," Michele clarified.

Chestnut eyes widened with worry and filled with tears. "But I want to choose Leo," Guang-Hong cried.

Sara smacked Michele on the side of the head. "You forgot Guang-Hong has an aman." She pouted at her brother and placed a gentle hands on Guang-Hong's shoulder. "Exemption is just if you want it. It's not mandatory. You can choose your aman."

"So I can choose Leo?" Guang-Hong asked. Sara nodded reassuringly and the young mater's sorrow turned to laughs. Michele apologized. Yuri watched silently from the sideline. Feeling disconnected from the conversation. This was an exchange between maters excited to be able to choose a mate. Some excited to choose their aman. Yuri was neither. And every word spoken in delight felt like a cut that got deeper and deeper with every laughter.

Perhaps it was because he couldn't choose the one he wanted. Perhaps it was jealousy of Guang-Hong's smile that he was choosing his aman while Yuri was separated forever from his. Yuri wasn't the type to have such petty thoughts, but each joyful sound out of the younger maters made him think of Victor. Victor who kissed him underwater. Victor held him tightly in his arms. Victor who dove under the dark water trying to find him after he had said goodbye. And he just wanted the sounds to stop.

"That is if they let us choose at all." Yuri spoke listlessly. The cave quieted instantly. The oldest mater glanced at his peers. "The elders could state that we are free maters since five of us died."

A look of horror flashed across the twin's eyes.

"That hasn't happened in almost one hundred years," Michele said.

"They wouldn't do that," Sara added. "At least not to Guang-Hong."

"I don't think they would care if a mater had an aman or not."

Guang-Hong blinked a few tears. The young mater may be ignorant in some customs of the nest, but he knew what a free mater was. Everyone knew. Free maters could never choose a mate, they would be available to anyone interested in having fry. It was a fate Yuri had been threatened with twice if he kept insisting on an exemption. A fate he thought of as nothing more than a baseless threat — not worth taking seriously since the entire nest viewed the practice as a harsh and horrible way of life for maters. If that fate happened to be forced upon a mater — upon him — many voices in the nest would cry out in complaint. Many natare would have come to his aid. But if the elders claimed the need for free maters as something necessary for the nest's survival… If that was the case, then Yuri had no idea what could happen.

A strangled cry escaped Guang-Hong's lips. His entire body shuddered.

Sara rushed to young mater's side and held him tight, calling his name softly as she ran fingers through his hair. Michele joined her, their instincts kicking in to protect a fingerling in distress. Yuri felt the urge to protect the young mater as well, but he remained apart from the group. Letting the guilt sink slowly in. How could he have forgotten? Guang-Hong was a still a fingerling. He was still a natare not of-age that depended on the older natare for survival, and Yuri had hurt him. "We won't let that happen," Sara reassured the shivering fingerling. "Even if they brand us free maters. Even if we have to take the burden of the nest's future on our shoulders. You will be with your aman. Right, Yuri?"

Yuri stood silently as no air filled his lungs. The guilt and jealousy rising within him like venom. How horrible he was to make Guang-Hong cry. How unfair it was that Guang-Hong got to choose his aman why he couldn't choose Victor. It all festered and boiled in his core until he couldn't think anymore, until slow trickling tears fell from his eyes and nothing mattered as he nodded with no emotion.

* * *

The large cave where the assembly took place was filled to capacity. Over a hundred natare of mating age settled along its walls, creating a circle of living beings. In years past, the mater assembly was an event attended by the entire nest, but as their numbers grew, it became mandatory only for unmated of-age natare of breeding age. Mated pairs and infertile natare could only attend if space allowed.

The large circle of natare broke on one end where the four elders — Josef, Lilia, Alain, and the leader Nikolai — sat on a large broken rock.

The buzzing of the nest vanished as the maters entered and slowly made their way to settle next to the elders. Guang-Hong stuck to Yuri's side once more, ignoring the eyes that followed their every move.

The voice of Yurio's grandfather, Nikolai, broke the silence. "Historian." An of-age natare not much older than Yuri approached the elders carrying a handful of tools to write down on the records, the history of the nest. His name was Morooka if Yuri remembered correctly. He'd been in training when Yuri had seen him in the previous assembly. If he was in charge of keeping the records for this one, it meant the previous historian must have passed.

"Record that we will now begin this mater assembly," Nikolai somberly faced the nest and not a single sound could be heard short of small switches of tails in the current. "This assembly is the result of the tragic loss we have suffered. As you all know by now. The last fingerling mater group to go on an exposure excursion was lost to the poison of humans. In sudden events like these — when the survival of our nest is compromised — it is often tradition for mater natare to have more than one mate to guarantee more offspring for future generations." Yuri felt Guang-Hong squeezing his left hand as the words were spoken, to his right, Sara covered her mouth as she gasped. The mood among the small mater group instantly became bleak. When Yuri had brought up the possibility of being branded free maters, he hadn't actually thought it could happen. To not being able to choose a mate. To give yourself to any natare the council approved. Give birth to children that would be taken away so they could bond with and be raised by other natare, away from their parents touch. Yuri couldn't imagine it. It was such a cruel fate.

"However," Nikolai continued. "Our situation isn't that dire yet. We are almost two hundred strong and there are eight fingerlings that will undertake examination ahead of time to see if they are maters. We also have a rare aman pair among this mater group." The voices in the nest rose ever so slightly. "Taking this into consideration, this council has decided the unpaired maters will be allowed to choose mates." Nikolai finished. The voices grew louder still. Most in approval, but in some corners — if you listened closely — you could hear the dissatisfaction of a few.

Sara exhaled a sigh of relief, her voice hiding a tinge of glee. She was happy. She could choose.

"Mater Guang-Hong," Nikolai called and the cave hushed once more. The youngest mater looked at Yuri with questioning eyes and Yuri patted his hand while whispering what he had to do to his ear.

Guang-Hong moved to face the council, bowing before each of them in respect. The young mater looked frail and small before them. He squeezed his hand together waiting for the question.

"Have you chosen a mate?" Lilia asked.

Guang-Hong's face broke into a smile so wide it couldn't be contained, and even Yuri — whose heart ached — felt a tinge of joy from the young mater. Guang-Hong slowly turned around, his eyes searching among the crowd, until he found who he was looking for. "I choose Leo!" he announced. It wasn't allowed for chosen natare mates to unite with their maters during the assembly, but they could exchange knowing looks, smiles, and a wave or two.

"Historian. Record mater Guang-Hong has chosen the natare Leo as his mate. Also record that the council acknowledges this bonded pair as aman mates."

The noise in the nest rose again, and Yuri found it curious that so many did not seem to know Leo and Guang-Hong were an aman pair. Guang-Hong settled back beside Yuri as he wiped away happy tears. Leo was his mate in the eyes of the nest and no one could take that from him now.

Nikolai called Sara next. She smiled brightly as she faced the council and bowed her head before them. "Have you chosen a mate?" Alain asked her. She turned as was customary, her eyes searching and finding who she was looking for, but when she found them her smile faltered and hesitated.

Among the crowd, an of-age natare with dark hair and an unfriendly expression avoided her eyes. Sara looked away, staring at the floor instead as she bit her lower lip. "That idiot," Michele muttered next to Yuri. The noise in the nest increased. It was unusual when maters didn't immediately say a name. Sara's shoulders shook slightly at the sound, but when she glanced up again, Seung-Gil was looking at her and gave her the briefest of nods.

"I choose Seung-Gil!" Sara announced as she covered her mouth to hide her delight.

"Historian. Record mater Sara has chosen the natare Seung-Gil as her mate."

Yuri took a deep breath as Sara joined his side once again and Michele was called. Only one left. The oldest mater always went last.

"Have you chosen a mate?" Josef asked the twin.

"I request another year of exemption," Michele's voice echoed through the nest. It was followed by soft gasps.

The elders exchanged brief glances. "You are close to the maximum age for exemption, but not there yet. If the situation were different we would grant it as we have before." Yuri knew they were referring to him. "Unfortunately, due to the current situation our nest is facing we cannot grant you exemption. If you don't choose a mate we will choose one for you."

Michele gritted his teeth. His disappointment was clear, his thoughts of unfairness, little choice, and having absolutely no power to make a difference visible even if he didn't express them out loud. Yuri knew the feeling, knew it far too well. He also had no choice this day. Michele turned around without looking at anybody. "I choose Emil," he deadpanned.

High up in a corner, an excited natare swam above the crowd screaming gleefully. "Yes! I promise I'll make you happy, Michele!"

The male twin rolled his eyes as if he regretted his decision, but there was something already different about the way he moved. About the weight he had lifted off his shoulders. Yes, he wasn't happy he was forced to choose, but he didn't regret it either.

Yuri suddenly found it hard to breath as the voices in the nest got louder. Everyone knew. He knew. It was his time to choose now. The oldest mater in the nest. The monitor mater that had requested exemption since his eighteenth year and it had been granted every single time, breaking every custom the nest ever had. There would be no exemption this time, there would be no running away. He had to choose, or someone would be chosen for him.

Yuri barely registered as Michele settled back with the group and Sara nudge him with delight. He didn't registered as she started fantasizing about living together in the same cluster and raising their fry together. Nothing registered until the watcher Chris was suddenly next to him claiming his attention. "They've called you," he said calmly. "Do you need assistance?" He offered his hand, Yuri stared at it then looked up to see all the eyes in the nest upon him, making the world swirl before his eyes.

"I'm ok," he managed to answer and slowly started making his way before the council, trying his best to ignore the watchful eyes and the murmurs he couldn't help hearing.

"Mater Yuri." Nikolai's voice was somewhat kind. He'd been head elder for as long as Yuri had been alive. He had carried this nest through some of its most fruitful years and through some of its worst. He'd been the one that had granted Yuri exemption since he became of-age. "This is your seventh assembly is that correct?"

"Yes, sir." Yuri took slow deep breaths.

"We have granted you exemption in the past, but as you heard, this is something that will not be granted this year." Yuri nodded. He knew, everyone in the nest knew as well, but it had to be said out loud, acknowledged, recorded. He had to accept it in front of everyone. "Yet even if it was something we could grant, you have reached the age limit of an unmated mater." Yuri nodded again, suddenly wondering what Victor was doing right now. Was he still on the island? Had he gotten on that boat like Yuri had begged him to do? Or was he still sitting on that tiny cave hungry, waiting while he stared at the water…

"Have you chosen a mate?"

Yuri took a quick sharp breath and for a second, he dreamed. He dreamed that when he turned around, Victor would be somewhere among the natare in the crowd. That their eyes would find each other and Victor would smile, knowing that his name would be the one out of Yuri's lips. Yuri dreamed that the nest would cheer for them. That the historian would write on the nest record that mater Yuri chose Victor as his mate…

A soft cry escaped Yuri's lips as the dream flickered away. He scanned the crowd with the dream lingering in his thoughts and saw only strangers. Hungry eyes like he was the prize in a lottery, and somewhat he was. Victor wasn't here. Victor couldn't survive here. Victor wasn't natare and he would never be. Just the same as Yuri would never be human.

This world was simply too real for dreams.

Yuri spotted Takeshi and Yuko on a corner. Their hands clasped together, watching him with a tinge of sorrow. They were the only ones that knew who his choice was. They knew and couldn't do anything to help him even if they wanted to. They'd realized too late.

"Mater Yuri have you chosen a mate?" Lilia asked with caution. It was his only warning.

Yuri's eyes suddenly spotted Georgi, the watcher that had grabbed Guang-Hong, leering at him. He hung by the front of the crowd, along with the other watchers. It made Yuri's hair stand on end to think that the elders could choose that natare for him. That he would have to have his fry. It made him shiver.

Chris stood next to Georgi as he watched the assembly calmly and searched for signs of disturbance. Yuri bit his lip, his mind reeling for a second. Perhaps… since he had to choose… perhaps it would be best to at least choose someone he knew in person, however brief that interaction had been. Chris had at least protected him and Guang-Hong. He seemed like a fair and well respected leader. Wasn't that better than not knowing anything?

Yuri squeezed his hands together as his eyes momentarily met the watcher leader's gaze. The exchange resulted in the tall, blond natare smiling and nodding at him. Yuri squeezed his hands together tighter still, realizing he'd made a choice.

"Em…" he tried to speak, but his voice was quickly lost among the growing whispers. Yuri glanced at Chris again expecting another smile, reassurance of some kind that he had made the right choice. He got it, but then he saw it. It was barely a flicker, a second. Georgi grinning at his leader with a knowing smile, and the ever so subtle realization that Chris's smile was nothing like Victor's. Victor always smiled at him from the heart. Victor's smile warmed his heart. Victor's smile never lied. Chris' smile lied, it was fake, Yuri felt nothing from it except the twist of his stomach as he realized that the entire incident with Guang-Hong had all been a set up to make the watcher leader stand out in Yuri's eyes. To increase his odds to be chosen.

Yuri felt anger within, quickly followed by sorrow. For the first time in his life, he truly felt like he didn't belong among his own kind. It wasn't a new feeling. Ever from the moment he'd been orphaned, that sense of not belonging had always been present. Through the years Yuri tried to make it go away. To spend as much time as he could with his cluster and friends. Yet the feeling remained and grew. More so as his friends started making a path for their own lives with less of him in them.

If Yuri thought about it. If he really really thought about it. The last time he felt like he belonged anywhere was when he was in that small dark cave with Victor next to him.

And if he didn't belong, none of it mattered.

Yuri took a deep breath. "I choose Victor," he whispered and stopped looking.

Nobody heard him. Nobody cared.

Nikolai's voice rose above the others. "Historian. Please note mater Yuri did not choose a mate and the council will choose for him." The whispers increased ten-fold around the nest. A tinge of excitement, of possibility could be felt from the unmated of-age natare. They suddenly had a chance for a mate, a chance for fry. The elders conversed quickly among themselves. The youngest elder Alain seemed to try to add his opinion to the discussion, but Nikolai brushed him aside, and looked back to Yuri. "Historian. Note that this council assigns the natare Jean-Jacques as mater Yuri's mate."


	23. Side Chapter - Victor, remembering

Victor felt like he had fallen into another world, into the darkness as he swam further down. He had no idea where he was going. His body convulsing with the need for air. But there was nothing to see, nothing to find, nothing to hear but the thundering of his own heart.

He broke the surface. His chest burning savagely as he took sharp breaths. "Yuri…" It was so dark. He could barely see a few feet in front of him. "Yuri!" The ocean moved around him quietly. "…please come back."

 _"I'm not coming back."_

Victor reluctantly swam back to the cave. Everything was as he had left it. This makeshift home that helped him survive while he remained stranded. How many days had it been already? How many weeks? Months? He no longer kept track of time. He'd only kept track of the days it took Yuri to come back, because he had always come back.

He remembers the first time he saw the natare. A night he sometimes wants to forget, and sometimes he doesn't. He still has nightmares of everyone screaming. Still has nightmares of seeing the crowd that had been watching him suddenly crash into each other and go over the rail while he flew further than them. How such a small difference in positions meant that he survived while everyone else died.

He tried to save others. He tried to save Mila when he found her face down in the water, pulled her close and kept her head above only to find a nasty gash on her forehead and that she was already gone. It was hard letting the water claim her as he searched for the other voices in the dark. Far away voices he never reached and before he knew it was just him and the ocean, shaky fingers strapping the life jacket he'd found.

The ocean and the silence. As if nothing had happened. As if hundreds hadn't just died here. Victor looked around, knowing full well he was the only one left.

Then suddenly the silence was broken by something splashing around.

 _I'm going to get eaten._

Victor stilled in the water and for a second he wished he hadn't survived the plunge. Whatever was splashing around was not a small creature and it was coming closer.

 _I'm going to get eaten._

The splashing stopped close to him. Victor took slow inaudible breaths. Something grabbed his life jacket then disappeared beneath as if bitten.

 _I'm going to get eaten. I'm going to get eaten._

He felt the creature in front of him. Victor opened his eyes and saw a boy. Someone else had survived. He wasn't alone. "Are you the rescue?"

The boy froze. Victor noticed trembling fingers on the straps of the life jacket.

"I don't remember you," his own voice sounded distant and weak. The adrenaline was fading and the cold of the water finally hit him. "Are you from the crew?"

The boy stared. Beautiful brown eyes wide as he shook his head.

Was the boy searching for a life jacket? Had he thought Victor was dead? "You don't have a life jacket? Stay close to me then." Victor made to pull the boy to him, but when he did a strap came loose and the jacket slipped slightly from his shoulders, making him sink under for a second. Victor felt water go up his nose and down his throat, he struggled to rise back up, coughing as he tried to catch his breath. The boys' eyes were wider than before, frightened. "Do you see another life jacket? I don't think this one will hold us both."

The boy tried to speak, but the weak noise coming from his mouth were undecipherable. Victor felt the cold take over his body. The water numbing everything and he came to a realization. He wasn't going to make it. He was going to die here. He would be claimed by the ocean. His life would be lost, but he could save the one in front of him.

He reached for the shivering thing in front of him, fingers against a soft cold cheek that turned warm against his touch. "It's ok, you can keep mine. I don't think I'm going to make it anyways." Eyes stared at him "Just do me a favor. There's a necklace around my neck. Take it."

Victor felt frozen fingers against his skin. Clumsy touches finding and pulling the necklace that had belonged to his mother. The necklace he put around his neck a day after she died. He watched as the boy put the necklace over his head. "If you survive, take that to my family." He hoped the boy would make it. He hoped the necklace made it back to his father so he would have something to remember his wife and child.

"I will." The boy's voice was otherworldly and beautiful. Victor allowed himself to be drifted away by the cold and the water. He felt the life jacket become loose and slip off his shoulders allowing the sea to claim him. He remembers swallowing water. He remembers trying to breath and his lungs burning, and before he faded into the dark he remembers someone grabbing him.

Victor resurfaces after diving into the pool inside the cave. His mother's golden locket in hand. He slowly puts it around his neck, the desire for Yuri to keep it overwhelming him. He gets out of the pool and stares at the dying fire inside his cave, finding little warmth from it. That night already felt like a lifetime ago.

At first he'd had no idea Yuri wasn't human. Had no idea when he opened his eyes and realized he was still alive. Had no idea when he saw Yuri waiting in the water beside him. His heart had skipped a beat at the sight. Enough that he couldn't help himself and reached out, fingers wanting to touch. Watching beautiful brown eyes widen in surprise.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't shocked when he saw the tail. Stories of merpeople were things only found in fairy tales or from crazy fishermen. He would be lying if he didn't for a second consider leaving Yuri there and finding safety in firm land. It was only a second though as he watched Yuri pale beneath his gaze. Saw as the natare bit his lip and sunk as deep as he could in the water. He was trapped and he needed help. It didn't matter that Yuri wasn't human. Victor just wanted him to not be scared.

 _Don't be scared._

Victor regrets not telling Yuri those words. He should have. He should have reassured the natare that no matter what happened to not be scared. Every time Yuri came to visit him… Every time he said Victor's name — behind the smiles and the kisses — Victor knew Yuri was scared. It was always there in his eyes. Scared of his own people. Scared of what was happening between them. Scared of what would happen between them.

Victor knew because he'd been scared too. He'd been terribly frightened, but he pretended nothing was wrong. He didn't say anything. He didn't act soon enough. He pretended that everything would work out and now Yuri was gone.

And deep down Victor knew Yuri had spoken the truth and was not coming back. He wouldn't see his smile again, would not kiss his lips again. He wouldn't run along the islands edge and see Yuri swimming parallel in the sea below. Would not stand high on the arch and find brown eyes looking up at him as he jumped—

Victor looked around the cave as he wiped tears from his eyes. His home — no — this wasn't his home. It was just a cave. His home was with humans.

 _"Take that boat when it returns."_

 _"Don't wait anymore."_

 _"Don't die here alone. Survive. Get on that boat. Forget about me and live a long life."_

 _"Goodbye."_

Yuri's last words. Yuri's wish for him. Yuri wanted him to return to humans. To live.

How could he not honor that?

Victor took a deep breath, grabbed the seashell, and left the cave just as the fire ebbed away.


	24. Jean-Jacques, refusing

Yuri forgets to breathe for a second. Then he takes a slow deep inhale, tuning out everything around him. He stares at his clasped hands, squeezing his fingers tightly. He had a mate. In the eyes of the nest he had a mate and it wasn't Victor.

Jean-Jaques… The name struck a chord of familiarity. Yuri looked up towards the elders. They all looked pleased except Alain — oh — Yuri remembered. Jean-Jaques was his son…

"No!" The shout came from the opposite side of the cave. A dark haired young natare swam above the crowd. "Father! You promised you would let me choose Isabella. You promised!"

Nikolai glared. "Control your son, Alain. It's unsightly."

Alain glanced briefly at Nikolai then left the elder group and quickly swam to his son's side, the entire cave watched with curiosity as he spoke to the unhappy natare in a hushed yet direct manner. Jean-Jacques protested again while a female next to him wiped tears from her eyes. Alain had no choice but to take both of them out of the cave as the whispers rose in surprise.

"Silence!" Nikolai's voice rose above everything, and the nest calmed, the voices died down. Yuri's eyes caught a handful of watchers staring at him with hardened looks, Chris in particular looked very unpleased. There was a sense of bitterness there, but Yuri didn't care anymore. He had a mate. A mate… One he'd never even talked to before. One that — it seemed — already loved someone else.

The assembly ended with Nikolai ordering the historian to repeat the events of the day. To acknowledge each natare mating pair that had been affirmed. Yuri sat back with the rest of the maters. Listening. Accepting. And just thought of Victor.

"The future of this nest has been established today." Nikolai said to the crowd. "We put our hopes for the next generation of natare that will soon be born and become a part of our family. As we continue to protect our own and identify more mater's to further ensure our future. With that, let it be known that mating season has officially begun."

The nest cheered. The voices grew loud and excited. The watchers approached the mater's and motioned for them to exit the cave. Yuri felt Sara's hand wrap around his and he held it back like an anchor as the world hurried around him, as they swam to the nursing caves once more. He knew what happened next. Each mater would be reunited with their chosen mate. They would settle into a cave and for the next five days they were expected to join together and create new life.

Sara was the most nervous among them all. "Do you think Seung-Gil will be upset with me?" she asked her brother who seemed in a perpetual state of annoyance.

"He looked worried when you looked away and didn't immediately say his name," Guang-Hong offered with a warm smile. "I don't think he will be upset."

Sara's face made a small 'o' then broke into a smile of her own. A few tears escaped her eyes. Beside her, Michele grabbed her hand in wordless support. "We have mates," she told him excitedly. "I'm so happy."

Her glee was infectious and for a moment, Yuri forgot that this was a horrible day. Because to others — to Sara, Guang-Hong, and Yuri suspected even Michele — this was a happy day.

"Guang-Hong!" Leo burst pass the watchers guarding the cave and wrapped his arms tight around his aman, and now official mate.

"Leo," Guang-Hong cried as he hid his face on the crook of Leo's neck. It was a joyful sound. An aman pair officially mates in the eyes of the nest.

The next to come into the cave was Emil. He yelled his mate's name excitedly, but when he tried to hug Michele he was met by a scowl and a cold shoulder. The scruffy natare appeared immediately dejected. It didn't go unnoticed and Sara elbowed her twin. "What?" Michele complain as he rubbed his side. "He knows I was always going to choose him. I just wanted more time to do other things you know, but now we're going to have fry and—" Michele's explanation was cut off by a glomp from his mate, and while he still appeared irritated, Yuri was certain now, this was a happy day for him too.

Seung-Gil arrived next. Sara approached him with a bit of hesitation, but it was easy to see that they shared a language exclusively between them. Without saying a word he ran his fingers down her arm and held it tightly, making her smile with sheer delight as she wrapped her arms around him.

Yuri sat in the far end of the cave and waited for his mate to arrive. There would be no hugs for him. No hints of smiles. Two watchers called for the three reunited pairs to escort them to their caves. They would be moving to a new three-cave cluster to start their families. Before they left, Guang-Hong thanked Yuri for everything. Offering reassuring words that fell on empty ears.

And then Yuri was alone.

The current kept flowing by, the watchers occasionally peering inside to make sure he was still there and whispering between each other in mockery.

No one had come for him. No one had come…

Yuri remembers waiting for his sister and mother in a cave just like this after being identified as a mater. How excited he'd been to tell them, how proud he felt to be one of the few that would give new life to the nest. He remembers sitting and waiting for hours, his smile fading, his excitement slowly turning to worry, then fear.

It hurt being left behind. Even if this time it was a reunion he didn't want. Being left behind always hurt.

"Your mate doesn't even want you." The harsh words came from the entrance. Yuri looked up to see the watcher leader, Chris, enter the cave.

"No one is allowed in here but mater's and their mates," Yuri's voice sounded weak to his own ears. It wasn't just that he knew the watcher leader was breaking nest rule, but that he could feel the other natare's intentions were not amicable.

"Why didn't you choose me?" Chris' voice tinged with anger. "You can still change your mind. Tell them it was a mistake. We would make such pretty fry."

"You're breaking nest rule," Yuri moved to put distance between them, but Chris rushed forward suddenly. Yuri didn't have time to react until the watcher had pinned him to the wall. His fingers putting pressure on the mater's arms until a painful whimper escaped Yuri's lips.

"I have a mate, you can't touch me," Yuri tried to wiggle free of the watcher's hold, but he was at a clear disadvantage pressed against the wall.

"You were supposed to choose me." Chris squeezed harder still. "Become a leader, my father used to say. Become a natare with power and a mater will choose you. Become a natare of power and our bloodline won't die." He gritted his teeth at each word, but his hold on Yuri softened. "I did all that and still no one chose me. Everything my father said was a lie. The bloodlines that don't die are the ones already in power, the offspring of elders—"

"Please let go," Yuri pleaded. He wasn't really listening to the watcher's rant. Not really. He knew enough of nest politics to know that everything that happened here was unfair. Everything that happened here was just for the nest's survival. Survival trumped anything else in this nest. It was more important than choice. It was more important than love. The mater assembly was the only act of choice this nest presented, but in the end it was still just an act that few benefitted from.

Yuri's thoughts were sharply disrupted at the feeling of a hand on his tail. "If I put a fry in you, you will still have to carry it, right?"

Yuri felt his breath catch at the words, a trickle of panic spreading through his body. "You will be exiled. Banned from the nest!" His voice pitched louder and louder until a rough hand covered his mouth.

"Perhaps," A hint of regret flashed through Chris' eyes. "But at least my bloodline won't die out."

Yuri opened his mouth and bit down without a second thought, finally wriggling free of the fevered watcher. He hit him hard with the back of his tail and rushed to the entrance where he was suddenly blocked by Georgi.

"It will only take a minute," Georgi said and pushed Yuri back inside the cave.

Yuri gasped as hands grabbed him from behind and pushed him to the cave's floor. Cold hands, colder than he'd ever experienced. "You're not, Victor!" He threw his arm up, it connected with Chris' nose. "You're not my mate!" he swiped his tail violently again and knocked the larger natare aside.

Yuri barely had a second to collect himself when Chris rushed at him again. A sight of pure anger and need.

But he never reached Yuri.

Two natare burst inside the cave. Yuri saw Alain from the corner of his eye pushing Georgi against a wall and his assigned mate, Jean-Jaques, pinning Chris to the ground.

"Take them to the holding cavern," Alain ordered as a second group of watchers came in. The new group exchanged quick glances of slight shock at first, quickly followed with disapproval. Breaking nest rule, trying to hurt a mater, was one of the gravest offenses in the nest. The eyes of the new watcher group settled harshly on the offending pair and Yuri knew right then, there would be no forgiveness for Chris and Georgi, they would be confined to the holding caves forever, or worst, exiled.

"Are you ok?" Yuri looked up and saw Jean-Jaques offering his hand. He hesitated, staring at the hand as if it were something foreign. The hand of his assigned mate. Yuri almost didn't want to take it. Taking it meant he accepted this match his nest made for him. Taking it meant—

"Were you hurt?" Jean-Jaques asked inching a bit closer. Yuri's fingers traced the line of his neck where the locket used to be as he closed his eyes. It was still kindness. Something he was rarely used to. It was still better than not being wanted.

Yuri reached out as Jean-Jaques grabbed his hand. A small part of him even wishing that he would feel the warmth he had come to know, but Jean-Jaques hands were cold. There was no warmth in them.

"Thank you," Yuri said, breaking the contact as soon as he could. "Jean-Jaques—"

"Call me JJ. Please." The dark-haired natare gave Yuri a smile, it was tinged with regret, but it was real, unlike Chris'. "It's my fault you were in that situation, but I—"

"JJ." Alain warned his son to not speak further. "That is a family matter, let's head to the cave."

JJ nodded and offered his hand to Yuri once more. "I'll make sure you're safe," he promised. Yuri glanced around at the eyes of the natare around them. Hints of approval, hints of wanting, hints of jealousy. Natare that still saw him as prize, but now a forbidden one. Yuri was tired of all the looks, took his mate's hand, and left them all behind.

* * *

They arrived at Yuri's cave, much to the mater's surprise. Once maters have an officially mate, they settle into the cave they will live from now on and raise fry in. That meant JJ would move in with Yuri instead of them settling into a new cave.

The female natare Yuri remembered from the assembly was waiting in the main living area. "JJ!"

She smiled and moved forward to greet Yuri's mate, but Alain stopped them. "Not until Yuri decides," he warned.

"Decide?" Yuri asked with uncertainty, but paused when he noticed the way JJ was looking at the female. Suddenly understanding. "She's your mate."

"No," Alain corrected. "You are JJ's mate, Yuri. And as his mate it's up to you to agree with Jean-Jaque's request or deny it."

JJ looked at Yuri. "I wanted her to be my mate," he said with a tinge of sorrow. "Yuri, I wanted to ask if Isabella could live with us from now on."

"I don't understand," Yuri said. "If you wanted her to be your mate, why did they chose you to be my mate?"

"Isabella can't have fry," Alain revealed.

"She could!" JJ countered when Isabella's eyes filled with sorrow at the words.

"It's extremely unlikely," Alain continued. "Practically impossible. You need fry if you want to become an elder."

"I was fine with never being an elder!" JJ ignored his father's original request and went to Isabella's side, wrapping his arms around her as she shed tears. "You said I could choose her. You broke your promise."

Alain looked away at his son's accusation. "I tried bargaining with Nikolai, but he refused. A member of our bloodline has been an elder since the beginning of this nest's history. I couldn't do anything and you just have to accept it. Yuri is your assigned mate, you will be sequestered here for the next five days and you will make fry."

"But Isabella—"

"Enough!" Alain's voice was sharp and tired. "Nikolai knows about Isabella. Why do you think he picked a mater for you? You grew up around elders, JJ. You know how things work and what happens when you try to break custom. You only have two choices, boy. Have fry with your mate or refuse and risk you and Isabella being exiled."

JJ's eyes widened. For a moment Yuri thought he would get angry. That he would lash out at his father for making such a threat. True or not. But he didn't lash out, he didn't get angry.

Yuri watched JJ shed angry tears. "But I wanted to have fry with her. Just her. I wanted—"

Yuri felt the urge to leave the room. He felt like an intruder. Yet at the same time, this was supposed to be his family now. His mate. The natare that will fill his empty nest with life. Yuri moved silently to the food area and found the barrel full of shrimp and fish. Isabella had made meals for all of them like his mother used to do.

Yuri listened as JJ's words towards his father became desperate. He almost wanted to say that he understood. That he also had someone else that he loved. But he couldn't reveal Victor. Victor was his secret to protect.

"We could all raise them together." Yuri bit his lips as Alain, JJ, and Isabella turned to look at him. He'd been surprise himself that he spoke out. "Our fry. We could raise them together all three of us. I don't mind."

Yuri's vision blurred as his eyes watered. This was going to be his new family, even as ache for another. Arms suddenly enveloped him and he felt Isabella's tears as well. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear, but her gratitude was lost in the heartache of her voice.

"Your mate has allowed it. Satisfied now, son?"

JJ turned towards his father. "No," he said matter of fact and hugged Isabella, placing a soft kiss on her brow.

"She will stay with me until we confirm a successful breeding." Alain said. "Let's get going, Isabella."

JJ opened his mouth to say something, but closed it as Isabella pressed a finger to his lips. "I will see you in a few days," she forced a smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

JJ hugged her tight. Pressed her close as hard as he could. Mumbling words against her lips just for them. She held him back, as their tails twined together.

Yuri watched. He understood. They may not have been an aman pair, but they were bonded. They were bonded.

He understood.

* * *

It got quiet after Alain and Isabella left. JJ stayed by the entrance to the cave, watching until he couldn't see them anymore and even after they were long gone.

Yuri waited, knowing what happened next. He just waited.

"Yuri," JJ called. The mater glanced up. "Would it be better if we just get it over with?" The natare looked away as he said the words. "I'm sorry," he ran a hand over his hair in frustration. "I just—"

"Yes…" Yuri squeezed his hands together. "Let's just get it over with." He swam deeper into the cave without saying another word. To his parent's room that had been empty for years. He sat on the large algae bed and stared at the floor. Trying not to listen as JJ swam close and sat next to him.

He just had to close his eyes and let it happen.

A finger brushed away the hair from his face. It was cold, so cold. Gentle, but still cold.

Just get it over with.

Like a punishment.

Just get it over with.

Pretend it is Victor.

Victor… Yuri closed his eyes and picture the silver-haired human swimming in the water with him. Yuri had no doubt anymore that he had fully bonded with Victor. That he had survived being separated from his aman and would spent the rest of his life knowing no other warmth. He could do it right? He could do it…

Cold fingers touched his tail. Yuri backed away without thinking until his back hit the wall and he slapped JJ's hand away. "You're not Victor."

JJ stared at him. "Who is Victor?"

Yuri's eyes widened in panic. Why had he said that? Hadn't he sworn to keep Victor secret? Hadn't he given up everything so Victor could live? So why had he said that? Why?

"I heard you yelling his name before we got to the cave as well." Yuri looked away and shut his eyes. The urge to spill secrets burning in his throat like fire. But he kept silent, no matter how much it hurt.

"You have a mate. Victor is your mate."

Yuri opened his eyes and looked at JJ, he tried to deny it, but all that came out of his throat was a stifled cry and the truth. "I want to have Victor's fry. No one else's."

 _Ah…_ Yuri covered his mouth as the secret escaped. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This wasn't how he protected Victor.

"Please don't tell your father," Yuri begged. "I won't say such a thing again. Neither will our fry."

JJ turned, a glint of joy in his eyes. "You have a mate," he laughed. "You have a mate, I have a mate…" Yuri could almost see the wheels turning inside the other natare's head. "Where is he?" JJ asked excitedly. "Why didn't you name them at the assembly?"

"He's not a part of this nest," Yuri feared revealing more secrets, but…

"Then go to him. Spend these five days with him and I'll spend them with Isabella."

Yuri moved, getting closer to JJ. "Really?" he asked hopefully, before quickly remembering. "I can't. No one is allowed to leave the nest."

JJ grinned. "I know a secret tunnel only known by the elders for emergencies."

Yuri felt his heart race. Was this really happening or was it too good to be true? Could he really escape and see Victor again?

JJ took his hand and led him out the cave. Yuri let himself be led. The sights around him blurring as they swam hastily. Twice they hid behind dark corners, as watchers swam by. Once they almost got caught as JJ led the way to places in the nest Yuri had never seen.

"There," JJ pointed to a small opening high on the ceiling of a small cavern. "The last time I used it was years ago. It will be a tight fit, but I know you can make it."

Yuri stared at the small tunnel above, his heart beat so loud. "JJ. Thank you," Yuri hugged the other natare earnestly. "Thank you."

"Just come back in five days," JJ warned. "Otherwise it could be over for us, and Isabella. I'm trusting you to come back."

Yuri nodded, even if it was a promise he didn't want to make. He swam up to the opening as JJ left. Scrambling desperately through the small passage. His skin and tail being scraped against the sharp ends. He ignored the claustrophobia, ignored the pain as his body and mind screamed at him to stop. That it was dangerous, that he could get stuck. This fear meant seeing Victor again. This fear was worth it.

Yuri felt the current of the open ocean ahead. Felt his hands wrapped around the edges of the small opening as he pushed himself out to freedom and outside the boundaries of the nest.

He took a few deep breaths to collect himself, noting the dozens of small scrapes on his body. It had been a small price to pay.

The current rushed past, making him shiver as he knew where to go.

And once he did, he swam as fast as he could into the dark.


	25. Victor, searching

Yuri's heart breaks when he sees the seashell.

It shatters.

His trembling hands hold on to the hardened rocks, his fingertips touching the shell tucked between its gaps.

 _Don't wait anymore. Don't die here alone._

It's what he had told Victor. What he had wanted at the time. But now… now…

A high pitch cry escapes from Yuri's lips — his thoughts twisting — remembering what he had told Victor.

 _Forget about me and live a long life._

He didn't want to be forgotten. He wanted Victor to be here. Waiting for him, like he had many times before. Yuri takes the seashell from the rocks and stares at it. Knowing that Victor had touched it, that Victor had been here…

The cry escapes again as he drops the shell and covers his mouth instinctively.

He can't think. Can't hear the ocean anymore. Can't feel warmth.

His aman was gone. His mate.

Yuri paces. The water becoming like pressure around him. What was he supposed to do know? He sinks in the water until he reaches the bottom just a few feet below the surface. What was he supposed to do?

He sees the seashell on the bottom as his fingers touch the sand, disappearing beneath it. He needs to hide. He's not safe in the open, here he's just prey...

Without thinking Yuri digs.

* * *

Victor holds a tiny ball of mud in his hand as he sits by a lake deep inside the island. He looks at the ball with resignation as he smears the mud all over his shoulders and back as far as he can reach. Grimacing as he feels the sting of his skin from the peeling sunburns.

His stomach rumbles and he runs a hand through his dirty hair in frustration. It sucks being stranded. It was a pain. Every day trying to find something to eat and hoping the water was safe to drink. Every day watching the open sea in hopes of seeing something in the distance while his skin burned under the sun.

He wants things, wishes for things, and regrets twice as much.

He wants to not be hungry. He wants to stop hurting every second of every day. He wants to be rescued. He wants to go home. He wants to be able to catch a goddamn fish without feeling like a complete inept failure.

Every day here alone has been a nightmare. From the moment when he opens his eyes at the crack of dawn — startled by the sound of birds calling and things rustling in the bushes. When he can barely see in the twilight and knows his mind is betraying him. In those moments he wishes he'd wake up and realize this was all a bad dream. That he hadn't survived the wreck after all — that he had drowned and was trapped in limbo — being punished for being himself.

Then there are the moments when he's caught off guard in the water. When he hears a splash and his heart fills with hope only to find it was only a wave. Is those moment when he wishes he had swam further down to the dark.

He regrets not telling Yuri how it felt to have him here. Regrets not admitting that he would take all this pain — all this discomfort and guilt — if the natare would never leave his side. Because what he wanted and wished most of all was to see Yuri again and to tell him everything he had kept in. Everything he had left unsaid.

The mud helps a little bit to ease the pain, but it is only a temporary relief. Victor lost count already of how many days had passed since Yuri told him he would not come back. He left the cave the same night, knowing that the only reason he had stayed there was due to the natare. It was the only place they'd silently agreed was theirs. The place he knew Yuri would go find him. But Yuri wasn't coming back and staying in that cave would only guarantee he would never be found.

And Victor wants to be found. Deep down he wants to leave the island. He no longer has any reason to stay.

With a groan Victor stands, the mud has quickly dried and he can feel tiny flecks already falling to the ground. He glances to the lake, his current source of food — or at least he'd like for it to be. Small pools of fish lived in the lake and in theory they were easier to catch due to the limited space, but Victor had been unable to capture any, and had been getting by with fauna he'd discovered to be edible and much to his discontent… bugs.

Not that he would ever admit to eating them.

A sudden chill travels up his spine at a strange sound. Above the trees a few birds scatter up high. Victor's head turns towards the sound — towards the ocean — and is overwhelmed by the impulse to start running towards it. Unsure why at first, until the sound comes again. Quick. Piercing. Broken.

 _Yuri._

Victor runs faster and faster. Even though it hurts, even though he knows his feet bled.

He reaches the beach out of breath, but doesn't see anything. The cry had disappeared.

 _The seashell._

He carefully navigates the rocks to the spot he had left the seashell. The place where he had found out what Yuri was. He notices the seashell gone and just knew Yuri had been there. It had been Yuri's voice he had heard.

The water wasn't too deep here, less than 10 feet to the bottom, and so clear you could see everything. So clear Victor could see…

"Yuri!"

Victor almost slips on the rock as his toes curl around the edge. "Yuri!"

Yuri had come back. Yuri was here. Yuri was… "Yuri?" Victor realizes quickly something isn't right. He watches for half a minute in silence. Watches as Yuri turns around and around beneath the surface, sinking deeper and deeper. "Yuri!" Yuri can't hear his words… Victor braces himself to jump when—

 _"I almost struck you with my tail!" Yuri yelled._

 _Victor tilted his head. "I pushed you so it would only be fair."_

 _"What you did was nothing! When natare strike we don't mean to slow down a threat, we mean to stop it permanently."_

The memory slams into Victor and stops him by the ledge. Now painfully aware of the risk. "Yuri…" The natare was hard to see now, like he was disappearing into the bottom of the ocean. If Victor jumps in and scares him, Yuri could kill him without meaning to. If he jumps he could get seriously hurt, but… if he doesn't he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he would lose Yuri forever and that was worth risking everything.

The doubt finally leaving his heart, Victor leaps.

* * *

Yuri feels safe beneath the sand. If he stays here forever he doesn't have to worry about having an assigned mate. About having fry. About losing his aman.

He knew the chances of Victor still being on the island had been small. But he had hoped for it so much. Put his entire being into escaping his cave, into swimming here as fast as he could. It still hadn't been enough.

He had to hide until the pain drifted away and he could return to the nest. He promised JJ he would. But not today, perhaps not tomorrow. Right know all he could do was hide from—

A predator…

Something large suddenly appears in the water. His senses can feel it, trying to warn him. His entire body becomes rigid by instinct. Ready to defend itself. Ready to attack and survive. Yuri tries shaking the feeling away for a moment. For a moment he allows himself to listen to his broken heart and not do anything. To be devoured and stop everything…

Suddenly he recalls Victor's face watching him in the dark as he sank below the water, recalls Victor smiling at him as he jumped from the rock arch. He sees Yuko laughing as she hugged him tight. Saw Takeshi next to him the first time he broke the surface and saw the sun and sky. Saw his parents and sister all nuzzled around him protectively…

Yuri knew he couldn't die. Not yet.

He waited until the creature got closer and closer. Stays as still as possible, barely breathing. Ready to strike.

And when the creature touches him. Yuri does turn quickly — but not to strike — but to see.

See blue eyes calling out to him.

Yuri can't describe the feeling in his chest. Like a sudden fire that threatens to take over his reasoning. Over everything.

His thoughts run a mile a minute. A simultaneous fall from the pull of instinct combined with the realization of who was before him.

 _My aman is here, my aman… my human, my…_

"Victor! Victor…" Yuri cries as he scrambles out of the sand and bumps his forehead against his human, feeling arms enveloping him with warmth.

Yuri grabs Victor and swims them up. Breaking the surface rapidly.

He cries. He laughs.

They both do.

"Yuri," Victor pulls the natare closer. "You couldn't hear me. I was so scared."

Yuri hums happily as he rests his head on Victor's shoulder. "I thought you were gone when I saw the seashell. I got really sad."

Victor remembers the cry. "But I'm here," he pulls a little away so their eyes can meet even as Yuri keeps his head on his shoulder. The human keeps a hand firm around the natare's waist as he holds their clasped hands close to his neck.

"And I'm here." Yuri responds, swinging his tail and lifting himself up so he can kiss Victor. Their lips meet softly, but when Yuri's hands roamed to Victor's back, the human suddenly breaks the kiss, a small painful gasp escaping his lips. Yuri worries and moves behind Victor, carefully touching the human's skin, feeling it shift and peel at his touch. Victor moves away from the contact. "It's just a sunburn," he excuses himself.

"I can make it better," Yuri smiles and moves away to get the plants and things he needs. "I just need to get a few things."

He puts a little distance between them when Victor hastily grabs his hand to stop him, pulling him back. "Wait, Yuri. Wait." Victor sounds breathless, frightened. "It's just a sunburn. I'm fine."

"But you're hurt. I can make it better."

Victor doesn't let go. "You're not disappearing right? You're going to come back?"

Yuri opens his mouth to reply. And for a second — for a flicker of a breath — the sorrow comes back. The knowledge that this was temporary once more. That he had to go back to his nest and keep his promise to JJ. That he and Victor couldn't be together even after everything and that this moment — this reunion — would end in nothing but heartache.

Victor squeezes his hand, forcing the somber thoughts away. Yuri doesn't want to think about five days from now, or four, or three. He doesn't want to think about anything except Victor… And the warmth…

He reciprocates the squeeze, before moving back and placing a kiss on the human's lips.

"I will. I'll be right back."


	26. Yuri, hoping

"This is a blu and this is a bister." Yuri holds two fish in front of Victor. Their full black eyes staring blankly. Their mouths opening and closing slowly. "I managed to catch them alive like you told me last time," he beams with pride as his tail swivels from side to side. Victor stands in knee deep water, soft waves rubbing against his skin gently. He stares at the two — still alive — fish in Yuri's grasp, and remembers when he saw the natare catching fish underwater. The speed he had, the suddenness of it, the deadliness... It's a flicker of memory. So different from the Yuri in front of him. Sweet. Gentle. Watching him with uncertainty as he tilts his head to the side while offering the meal once more. Victor can't help himself. His face breaks into a wide smile and he launches himself to embrace the natare.

"Victor!" Yuri yelps as he rolls back into deeper water from the human's weight. He barely manages to hold on to the fish, flopping desperately to be released.

Victor feels the warmth blossom on Yuri's skin under his touch, but he pulls back, softly sighing as he sits up next to the natare. The water reaches almost up to his chest. Yuri hands both fish over to Victor, who grips them tightly with one hand. "I need more time to make the mixture for your burn." Yuri says as he sits up as well, pushing his tail up to his chest. The fish stop trying to breathe, finally succumbing to the air. "I'm missing the glappy."

"I don't know what that is," Victor comments. Yuri opens his mouth to explain, but Victor places a finger over his lips. "And I don't need to know." The human looks serious for a second before the corners of his mouth turn upwards. "I trust you."

Yuri leans into the touch slightly. The warmth increases and Victor suddenly has the urge to release the fish in his hand into the waves, wanting to touch, wanting to—

Yuri looks up as he moves away from the touch. "Half the day is gone. I need to find it before it gets dark."

Victor nods unwittingly. "I'll cook the fish," he says without thinking, standing up as Yuri starts making his way back to deeper water. A wave pushes him closer to land and another flicker of memory hits him. Night has fallen in this one and darkness is everywhere. Anyone would be terrified of being on the water in the dark, but the fear Victor feels is not of what could be underneath the surface. Its words. Yuri's words. He can't reach the natare in the dark water of the memory. No matter how much he tries. No matter how much he screams Yuri's name. Can't stop the broken words from the creature that saved his life. Those brown eyes he waits to see for days on end. The reason he's still on this island even if he knows he can't survive in it.

 _"I'm not coming back."_

The memory breaks.

"Yuri, wait!" Victor calls out, clumsily hoping over the next small wave. Air leaves his lungs as Yuri turns and starts making his way back.

"I have something for you!" Victor backs up closer to land. "Just wait there, I'll be right back!" He runs to shore, his legs becoming quicker as he leaves the water behind. The hot sand bites the bottom of his feet as he rushes into the brush, to the makeshift shelter he made close to the beach. He drops to his knees by the fireplace. Releasing the pair of fish to the side, and finding the spot he had marked earlier, he starts digging.

* * *

Yuri is filled with uneasiness when he sees Victor disappear into land. A small whine escapes his lips and he finds himself reaching out to the vanishing figure.

He shakes the feeling away, recognizing it as the wanting for his aman. The wanting he can no longer escape.

Five days… and one already half gone. In five days he would have no choice but to return to the nest. All the mating pairs where expected to leave their caves and present themselves to the nursing natare. There, his and JJ's well-being would be assessed, their bond as a mating pair would be questioned, and maters would be checked for the first signs of conceiving.

Yuri tried not to think about that. Of the lies he would have to invent. Of what would happen if his escapade where to be discovered. If the nursing natare realized he and JJ hadn't mated as they were supposed to. Right now he didn't care about any of it. Right now all he wanted was to take care of his aman. Heal his wounds, fill his belly, and…

The natare's heart lifts when Victor reappears from the brush and starts making his way into the bright blue ocean. Yuri giggles as he watches the human fight against the waves and starts swimming forward once Victor is in deep enough water. Victor kneels on the bottom once they reach each other. The water comes up to their chests and before the natare can say anything Victor pulls the chain hidden beneath his shirt and unclasps it.

Yuri stays still as Victor puts the locket around his neck. "But I gave it back…" his voice is small and hesitant.

Victor nods. "When I first gave you this, I thought I was going to die." Fingers brush against the back of Yuri's neck as Victor locks the locket in place. "This was my mother's. She gave it to me before she passed, asked me to keep it to remember her by."

Yuri connects the dots. "That's why the picture inside is you," he can't resist touching the small memento. "But I'm coming back this time. You're right here in front of me," he takes a deep breath.

"I know… I know…" Victor offers a lopsided smile as he pushes a wet strand of dark hair from Yuri's forehead. "I still want you to keep it. Even if we're together. Even if we're apart. So something of mine is always with you."

Yuri rubs the locket between his fingers. He wants to feel happy. He wants to feel safe, but reality is too close. "It's certain we will be separated one day isn't it?"

Victor reaches out to touch the natare. Their hands find each other beneath the water. Careful fingers intertwining. "Even if the world were fair and we could spend our whole lives together, it's the rule of the world that one day we will be separated."

Yuri touches the locket now resting on his neck with his free hand. "But not today. Not until—"

"When then?" Victor asks, pulling Yuri's hand closer to him. Yuri feels the mood shift between them. "Every time you appear you've left. I never know if you're coming back. I never know what happens when you leave. Where do you go?" There is a lack of breath in his voice. He doesn't want to know, he wants to pretend along with Yuri. He squeezes the natare's hand tightly, bringing it out of the water so he can press it against his cheek and feel the warmth. "When will you leave me again?"

Yuri whines, so low it's inaudible to the human's ears. He was hoping to avoid the topic for a bit longer, to imagine he never had to leave, but there is no point in hiding it was it? "Five days from now. Sooner if the currents are bad."

Victor casts his gaze down to the water, his chin almost touching it. Yuri inches forward, dipping his head under water for a second so he can move quicker. His forehead presses against the human's chest and runs up until he lays his head against the crook in Victor's neck. He curls his tail around them, as if making a protective circle.

"Five days…" Viktor breathes out. That's all they had together.

Yuri glances up. He feels Victor's pulse against his ear. "Can we pretend it is forever?"

Victor laughs, and while it fills Yuri's heart, it makes him ache as well. It's a laugh tinged with the knowledge of loss. "Yes," the human breathes out with certainty.

Yuri touches. "Will you be with me until it's over?"

"Yes." Victor places fingers on the small of Yuri's back.

"When I leave will you chase me?"

"Yes." An affirmation.

Each answer feels like a vow between them. To watch the sun rise and fall without worry until they can't. To reach for each other without anyone bothering them. Yuri wraps his hands around Victor, nose rubbing against his neck. He opens himself to the warmth of his aman as he pushes away thoughts of the short time they had. "Catch me then," he teases and swiftly moves backwards into deeper water. He grabs Victor's right ankle and pulls. The human goes briefly underwater, but quickly regains his footing, standing in the knee high water as drops drip down his face. Yuri waits until Victor is almost close enough to touch, until Victor leaps, before scramming just out of reach. He giggles as watches the human scramble under the water, trying to spot him. As soon as Victor regains his footing, he fakes going right and suddenly turns left. Victor chases. Lifting his legs as high as he can to prevent the push of the water. He's at a clear disadvantage, but the natare stays close, easily dodging Victor's intents to catch him.

Neither tires easily. Neither gives up.

Yuri dashes right next to Victor. Feels the human dive for him. Feels fingers grazing his tail. Yuri breaks the surface to tease Victor and finds… nothing. "Vic—" A sudden weight falls upon him. Arms circle him. Wrap him in warmth. Yuri feels his body hit the sand, his fingers clutching at it as he opens himself to the warmth. As he feels the press of Victor's lips on the back of his neck. He turns his head and meets those lips with his. Sending his wants along with it. His wishes and dreams.

Victor breathes hard when they break the surface. He keeps Yuri closes and doesn't let go. "I've claimed my prize," he says with a smile against Yuri's lips.

Yuri arches his back upwards, just enough so that Victor looks up at him. He runs his thumb over the human's lips. "Claim it more," he exhales. "Claim it all."

Victor barely breathes. Closing the gap between them so quickly the natare almost goes dizzy. Yuri feels the pull of warmth, the pressure of fingers tight on his neck, digging into his skin. The world stills around him. It fades away until all that remains is the two of them. The warmth of their bodies calling out to each other.

The world becomes Victor.

Yuri feels the warmth turn into heat. It pools in his middle like fire. Spreads when Victor pulls him closer, holds him tighter. The human's fingers on his neck begin to roam. First across the length of his shoulders. Then down the dip of his back. Each time Victor hugs his body tighter. Lips pressing hard, until they feel like they are a part of him. Each time Yuri pulls back, his own fingers exploring.

He says Victor's name, just before his lips are claimed again, before he thinks for sure he will lose himself in the fire of his aman. In the want his body screams for. He can barely feel the water around them anymore. Can barely hear its lull. He feels Victor's forehead press against his as their lips break momentarily. Yuri focuses long enough to meet Victor's intense gaze. Feels exposed under it.

This felt right. This felt safe. This felt like home. For the moment, Yuri lets himself drown in the now. In this moment with the one he wants most in this world. He allows himself to be selfish. To touch and be touched.

His breath catches as Victor traces the length of his collar bone with the pads of his fingers. His touch leaves a trail of heat that travels to places deep inside the natare. Places he wouldn't have even known existed without his aman's touch.

Those thumbs suddenly press against his nipples. Hard. Rubbing. Yuri mewls and gasps. Victor grins and stands, pulling the natare out of the water. As the wind brushes Yuri's tail, the natare lays kisses on the human's neck. Knowing that here, he surrenders willingly. That outside the water he's at the mercy of his human. Of his aman. His chosen mate.

Back in the nest he knows. He knows that in the shadows of their den exists a world between true mates that Yuri had not yet experienced. A world of soft touches, swollen lips, and wanting gazes. He knows what the other bonded pairs are doing. Something beautiful… something like this.

Yuri's name falls out of Victor's lips like an invocation as they reach deeper waters. He feels Victor's finger's roaming lower. Across his waist. Lower, to the beginning of his tail.

Yuri's mouth opens in a silent gaps. Victor's fingers set the skin of his tail ablaze. A different fire than before. Consuming him. Demanding of him. To mate. To make life...

And with it the realization.

"We don't fit."

His own words. Taunting him with truth. Leaving his lips with no care if it hurts them both.

Yuri stops. He squirms just out of the human's reach.

Victor tries to pull him back, but Yuri resists. His heart hammers inside his chest, he can barely catch his breath. "I'm not human," he exhales.

Victor hesitates. Yuri feels the pressure of fingers lessen. "I know." His voice is soft, careful. Yuri understands. Yuri wants to pretend too.

"We're not allowed to fit," he doubts his own words. "Not like—" he closes his mouth as uncertainty races through his mind. What are the words he wants to say? It isn't as though he and Victor don't match. He can feel it in the depths of his soul that they are meant to be. That the two of them are fated to be together. But… they live in two very different worlds. And then there is the nest, Yuri's home. His duty, his obligation. "I just…" He takes deep breaths as Victor rubs his arms trying to calm him. "Do you wish I were human?"

The spell breaks around them. The world returns. The ocean shakes them apart.

Victor's eyes shift. "Sometimes," he releases a big sigh. "Sometimes I wish it more than anything." Yuri can't help but reach out to touch the floating silver locks. His heart skipping a beat as Victor turns his head just enough to look at him. "And sometimes I don't wish for it at all. Perhaps we may have never met if we both were human or natare."

Yuri pouts. "I wish you were natare." He hides nothing. "I wish all the time you were natare. If you were natare I could have picked you as my mate when the nest forced me to. I would have chosen you to spend the rest of my life with..."

"Mate…" Victor straightens up. His voice becomes deeper. He doesn't ask a question. The word lingers between them, heavy with its meaning. "The night you left, you told me it would be mating season in your nest."

Yuri nods. His thoughts turn somber as he remembers JJ reminding him to come back. It was certain something bad would happen to his assigned mate and Isabella if he vanished. JJ had trusted him with not only his life, but the life of the one he loved most. He can't betray that trust.

Yuri presses his forehead against Victor's shoulder and looks away. "It is. My nest chose a mate for me," he says brokenly.

Victor moves, his fingers touching the back of Yuri's neck. "Tell me about it. Tell me everything so I understand."

Yuri feels the fear for the truth still pressing. Yet he's determine to say everything he needs to say. It may be his last chance. Their last chance. Their last days. So Yuri speaks. Softly. Carefully. He explains as best he can how life in his nest is. To be born. To be trained. To be marked. "Once a year natare are paired together as lifelong mates to start families. You're allowed to choose who will be your mate. And you're allowed to refuse until you reach twenty four years. I refused seven times until I could no longer say no. I wanted to choose you, but you're not natare. You couldn't be there so I didn't choose. I didn't choose and the nest elders assigned a natare I never met — Jean — as my mate. I'm supposed to start a family with someone I don't even know."

Victor's response comes in a shaky breath. He can tell the human is trying to remain calm. "You have a wife…"

"Is that what humans call their mates?" Yuri asks.

Victor shakes his head. "They chose for you… They forced you to marry?" His fingers tighten on the back of Yuri's neck. "We're years already in the new century, who does that anymore?" Yuri leans back against the fingers, almost as if searching for them. His eyes watch Victor. Watching the small flinches on the human's face as he waits for the answer to his question. Watching as blue eyes become somber with thoughts. Yuri almost looks away at the look in Victor's eyes. That look that told him his life was unfair. That asks him what could possibly be done to stop this disparity of life.

Yuri glances back to the ocean.

Endless.

Nothing but blue.

There was nothing Victor could do. Even if they ran away right this second. Five days wasn't enough of a lead. Five days of him carrying a human through the open sea would not be enough to prevent being found. And he knew with certainty that his nest would search for him. That the truth would come out. Either from JJ, Isabella, Takeshi, or Yuko. One of them would break and the nest would hunt down the mater that had dared to run away with a human.

He tells Victor what would happen if he doesn't return in five days. That they will be hunted. There's no point in hiding it anymore. The realization weights on him hard as he speaks. As he gives details he rather not share. There is no escaping. There is no being free. Even with Victor so close to him, he can feel it all washing away. The natare had thought they would be able to come to a solution together, but how could they when everything and everyone was working against them?

It is hopeless. All of it.

"So I have five days to figure out how to keep you with me?" Victor's voice breaks Yuri's trance. Fingers suddenly dig against Yuri's tail. The water splashes around them as he moves. "I have five days to make this — to make us — last." There is a sense of confidence, of determination in his voice that makes Yuri lose his breath.

The natare isn't sure how to respond, can barely utter a word as Victor pulls him back into his arms.

"Yes." Yuri finds his voice. "I want to be with you more than five days. I want you to be my mate. I want to be with you always!"

Victor's voice regains some calm. "It almost sounds like you're asking me to marry you."

Yuri turns his head ever so slightly. He feels the warmth bloom around the edges of his skin, where Victor touches him. Allows it to spread, knowing his aman wants him. Knowing his aman was going to find a way for them to be together. It's a wonderful thought. A wonderful dream. And for once Yuri allows himself to believe it completely.

* * *

The sun hovers above the horizon. It's light beginning to wane.

Victor can feel the heat on Yuri's skin grow under his touch. It always surprises him how Yuri could do that. How Yuri's body could tell him things the natare didn't voice.

He understands completely what it means that Yuri isn't human. He understand it now more than ever after hearing Yuri tell him about his world. A terribly frightening world. He really has no idea what can he do to keep them together. What dangers they will face if he chooses this path.

But as he feels Yuri's soft breaths against the skin of his neck, there no longer is any doubt in his mind what he wants. He wants this beautiful creature with him for as long as he can.

Yuri had said five days. Only five. It wasn't enough. He wants forever. He wants until both their lives have ebbed away with wrinkles and scars.

"Yuri." Victor kisses the side of Yuri's head, his toes brushing the tail. The natare looks at him and hums happily in response. "What do I have to do so you never leave my side?"

There is a shudder of breath and the natare turns to look at the ocean. Victor watches Yuri's profile as the natare stares into the blue, as the waves cry around them. His lips move, something guttural escapes and Victor sees the tears fall.

The human moves quickly, facing Yuri and blocking the blue. "Don't cry, little fish." He splays his fingers against Yuri's tail. Triggering the heat. "I can't bear to see you cry. What can I can do, my heart? What should I do?"

There is an intake of breath. A shudder.

Yuri inches closer. Arms loop around Victor's neck. Lips press against the human's as he speaks, his words almost hidden in susurration. "Mate with me."

A wave pushes them closer together. Victor catches his breath. "Show me how."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

I originally had the terms of endearment in Russian, but it looked out of place since Victor has never before used any Russian so here they are:

Little fish = Рыбка

My heart = мое сердце

Lots of things happened and I feel you can tell the chapter was written in the span of months since it doesn't fully flow, but I'm generally happy and ready to move on with the story. Big question is, will this fic finally reflect its rating? I'll let you to guess XD

I'm going to try and be more regular with posts, but can't promise anything. One of the reasons this was delayed is that a close family member got recently diagnosed with cancer so I've been traveling to support them.


	27. Victor and Yuri

Victor can feel the shudder when Yuri speaks. "Show you?" the natare asks, uncertainty suddenly taking over.

What was he thinking? What was he asking? Why had he come here after he had begged Victor to forget about him?

No matter how much it had hurt to say goodbye. It had been the right choice. The choice where they would both survive, forget, and move on.

So what was he thinking? What was he asking?

They can't mate. They can't fit. Even if they want to. Even if Yuri wants it more than anything in the world…

Because in the end Yuri isn't human and Victor isn't natare.

Yuri suddenly pulls away from Victor's warmth. Without saying a word he swims closer to the island, where there was less and less water. "Yuri!" Victor hollers with concern, but Yuri keeps going up to the point where his stomach scrapes over damp sand and the waves ease to a dull lull that barely touch his tail. "You're going to get stuck." Victor hurries to his side and kneels right next to the natare.

"I won't." Yuri cries, "And even if I do you'll help me get out right? I trust you." Yuri drags himself forward.

Victor pulls him back. "Yuri, stop. Stop!"

The natare lays his entire body in the warm sand, like he wants to melt into it. Not even an inch of water touches him now.

He can feel his instinct go into overdrive. Telling him this isn't the place for him. That here he will wither and die. Here in Victor's world.

Yuri holds back a cry when Victor gently touches his back. "I really can't live out of the water, can I?" The natare grabs clumps of wet sand in frustration. "I can survive, but I can't have a life." He presses his forehead against the earth. "Not the one I want." He chokes out the last words. Even though he tries to accept his reality. Even as he tries to accept that no matter how he tries, he was meant to be the mate of someone he would never love. After everything. After this dream of five days ended. He would have to return to the nest. He would have to mate with his assigned mate. His fingerlings will be Jean's not Victor's.

Just the thought of it broke his heart.

Victor's fingers rest on his back. Warmth spreads across Yuri's body from the simple touch. Without saying a word, the human grabs the natare, and pulls him up with both arms, holding him out of the water. Yuri clings close as Victor slowly makes his way back to deeper water.

Victor slowly sits in about a foot of water. Deep enough for Yuri to be comfortable, but shallow enough so that Victor can lie down without going underwater. They lie next to each other for a few seconds, until Victor pulls Yuri atop of him, holding the natare close.

"Victorrrr," Yuri protests. "I'm too heavy, I'm going to squish you."

Victor laughs while holding the wriggling natare tight. Running fingers through dark locks in awe. Yuri starts humming at the pleasant feeling of the fingers on his scalp. "You're amazing." The human tilts his head up and kisses the corner of the natare's mouth. "Look," he says, eyes glancing down to his feet. Yuri turns his head to see as Victor's toes curled around his tail and dance together along with the sea's lull.

"Different." Yuri says mournfully as he hides his face against Victor's chest. "We're still different. We don't fit."

Victor touches the natare's chin and tilts his head up so their eyes meet. "Yes, different." He grabs both of Yuri's hands with his, pressing them together finger by finger. "But also the same here." He kisses Yuri's lips. "Here." Presses their foreheads together. "Here."

"I feel it in my gut that we fit." Victor's voice deepens. "You asked me to mate with you." He pulls Yuri tighter against him. "So show me how."

Dozens of little visions flutter through Yuri's mind, forcing a fiercer warmth on his cheeks. "I can show you." His voice almost gets lost in the waves. Right hand searching until it finds Victor's fingers and leads them to the spot where they become different.

"Your fin?" Victor asks.

Yuri playfully smacks the human's shoulder. "My tail. It's called a tail."

Victor laughs against his lips. Yuri feels the rumble of it everywhere as he claims the lips below him and takes Victor's hand and guides it between them. Past his hips, down his tail, and along his second slit. He needs to show his human. Needs him to know. You can come in here.

"Yu—" The human's voice gets lost in a gasp as Yuri pushes Victor's fingers inside him without warning. Blue eyes widen as Yuri cries out, as he presses his nose and mouth on the crook of Victor's neck, fingers curling against his chest.

The heat envelops him. Yuri feels Victor's heartbeat speed up along his own. Faster and louder. His entire body rocks up as the human takes a deep breath. A low animalistic rumble suddenly escapes from Victor's throat. Yuri feels the fingers push deeper in, burying and probing inside him, forcing another cry out of his lips.

He hears the water. Then Yuri hears his name.

His mate is calling him. His mate wants him.

Victor moves with haste, flipping the both of them over in the foot of water. Yuri's back rubs into the sand as Victor weights him down. The waves brush his chin as their lips meet. Yuri cries into them. The fingers inside him pushing within him.

Yuri watches as Victor grabs his dark trousers and shoves them down. Holds his breath when he feels the human's hard penis against his slit. Victor holds Yuri's hips, the natare raises his tail as Victor pushes down, his dick breaking inside the natare's body.

And — oh — they fit.

Yuri moans. His back arches up pushing Victor deeper inside him and loses himself momentarily as the heat devours him. His whole body trembles. His vision becomes a haze momentarily. His gut twists with anticipation. This was what all the stories talked about. This was why he was a mater. This was the joining of an aman pair. This was…

"Yuri." The sound of his name is the only thing that drags him back to the world. To Victor.

The haze fizzles. Yuri stares at Victor's hungry blue eyes as the human presses their foreheads together. "Yuri…" The warmth of Victor's breath brushes the natare's lips as the human drags his cock out and pushes back in.

A unique cry comes out of Yuri while everything shakes with the heat. Victor is inside him. Victor is mating with him. "We fit," he exhales as he shuts his eyes closed. Hands holding to Victor's shoulders as his body tenses slightly from the pain of being penetrated. "We fit."

Victor inhales sharply. Forehead still pressing against Yuri's as silver cascades around them. "Fuck, Yuri. I'm inside you."

The natare feels a bubble of joy burst within and he can't stop the small tears that fall from the corner of his eyes nor the choked sound of glee from his mouth. Victor kisses the tears away as he remains still, runs his hands through dark locks listening as Yuri takes deep breaths. "Tell me when it doesn't hurt."

Yuri bites his lip. Resisting the words, because it does hurt and he doesn't want to lie. Instead he closes his eyes again and moans as Victor starts placing kisses along his jaw, his neck. Out of the water. Beneath it. Fingers moving down his entire body, splaying along his hips and tail.

"More." Yuri gasps. "Move." His words call Victor's attention.

The human covers the natare's forehead with one hand, pushing the wet locks back. "You're squeezing me very tight. It has to hurt."

"It does," Yuri touches Victor as much as he can. The pain doesn't matter, he just feels the need for his mate to want him. "But Victor please… I need more…"

Yuri wants to be taken. He wants to be marked. He wants everyone to know that he was Victor's aman. That it was inside him where the human placed his claim.

Victor moves only a little. Yuri bucks up at the feeling, reaching for more. A flash of hesitation crosses the human's eyes, but Yuri doesn't hesitate. "Mate with me." His voice is a calling. Making sure the human understands, urging him to move. "Mate with me!" Victor gasps with an inhale of breath, he moves forward, crushing their lips together as he thrusts once, twice, thrice… claiming his mate.

It's difficult with the dance of the ocean trying to shift them around, but even as Victor pulls out as much as he can to push back in, his dick never leaves the tight orifice. Like the natare's body was designed to grip him and pull him in as deep as he could go. And Victor did, feeling his dick pressing against Yuri's rubbery skin as the natare's hole squeezes him.

"Victor..." Yuri cries headily, arms tight around Victor's back, gripping the human as tight and close as he can, making sure they won't break apart as Victor continues to push inside him.

Deeper.

As lips meet.

Faster.

As hands squeeze together.

"Fuck!" Victor growls hungrily as he comes. Teeth sink into the natare's neck.

Yuri calls out his aman's name to the sky — his tail twisting up, fin over Victor's feet — so the human could go as deep as possible. So Victor's seed would fill up his deepest parts.

Yuri feels the warmth spread up to his belly. Coil inside him like a small flame. Feels the satisfaction of it for a second, before it's quickly dashed by a tinge of sorrow. The tinge of knowledge that no life would be born from this feeling. That fitting together wasn't enough.

They stayed joined like that. Both breathing deeply as their hearts calmed.

Victor is the first to move. Slowly pulling out of Yuri as a wave rocks them and pushing his trousers back up to his hips.

"I just realized you're always naked," he says amused.

Yuri laughs, feeling a particular heat rosy his cheeks. "I bit you," Victor continues, gently touching the mark he'd left on the natere's neck. "I'm sorry—"

"No—" Yuri cuts him off. "Sorry is not a word I want to hear about this. About what we did…"

Victor grins as he sits down in the water, pulling Yuri with him, into his arms. "We had sex."

Yuri nuzzles against his mate's neck. Committing the word to memory. "I didn't know you meant this."

"I thought I was pretty clear when I asked how you made babies."

Babies… The word makes Yuri curl his body closer to Victor. "No natare I know makes fry like that." His voice doesn't hide his amusement. "What does fuck mean?"

Victor laughs heartily and pulls Yuri closer, nibbling at the natare's lower lip. "I'm a bit of a foul mouth," he grins. "Bad habits growing up."

"I enjoyed it," Yuri says with a straight face, which makes Victor grin wide.

The sound of a splash nearby catches Yuri's ears and he tenses, glancing at the source of the noise with fright.

He can't shake the fear of maybe. Maybe JJ was discovered to be with Isabella and not him. Maybe Takeshi was forced to tell someone about Victor. "Can we go to our cave? The sun will be gone soon."

"What's wrong?" Victor asks. The natare's eyes stay firm on the horizon. "Yuri?"

"I thought I heard the sound of another natare, but it was just a dolphin." Yuri admits, finally looking at Victor. "Only one natare knows I left, but—"

"But it would be bad if someone from your nest found us right?"

Yuri nods.

"They would kill me right?" Yuri nods again and wraps his arms around Victor's neck. The human hisses very softly, making Yuri pull back. "I almost forgot about the burns," he sighs. "You're right. Let's go back to our cave."

Yuri kisses the lips in front of him. "I'll get the mix for your burn and meet you there."

Victor smiles. "Race you there, love."

* * *

Yuri leans on the edge of the pool cave. Watching silently as Victor brings his small fire to life.

He places his palm across his middle absentmindedly. Still feeling the warmth inside him. Lingering, almost as if trying to hold on. It had only been a few hours since they mated, but to Yuri it felt like much longer. It felt like he needed more of Victor inside him...

The natare shakes the thoughts away, fingers itching against the rock. No matter how much he wants it. No matter if they are able to physically mate. They were still different species, with different bodies, and Yuri knows with certainty that Victor's seed would never burst to life inside him.

To have a little fry with Victor's eyes.

He hadn't realized how much he wants that…

"Let's sleep together." Victor calls as a long yawn escapes him.

Yuri shakes the thoughts away as he pushes himself up from the water. It didn't matter, he tells himself. This was enough. He reminds himself. If he can be with this human forever, it will be enough.

Victor holds him close by the firelight. Placing soft kisses on his lips that Yuri returns. The mix he had made had settled and dried on the human's burnt skin. Enough that Yuri could touch him without fright. It wasn't long before he feels the warmth spread again. He needs more. He needs more warmth inside him.

"You want to have sex again?" Yuri uses the human word as his hand roams across Victor's chest.

The human chuckles with heart, holding Yuri's hand. "More than anything," he says headily. "But I'm exhausted. It feels I've barely gotten any sleep in the past few days and now that you're here I feel I can truly rest. That I can truly sleep and have dreams instead of nightmares." He kisses the back of Yuri's hand. "We will have sex tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that." He pulls Yuri as close as he can further inside the cave until Yuri's entire body is out of the water. "But now I just want to hold you, sleep next to you, and wake up with you in my arms."

Yuri says his mate's name as the space between them disappears. As he is held, cherished, and wanted.

Slumber calls him along the rhythm of Victor's heart. And for that moment there is no nest. There are no rules. There are no monitors, or elders, or assigned mates.

There is just Victor and the lull of the waves inside their cave.

Yuri rubs his belly.

For the first time since his family died and his cave became a dark place where he sat alone for days he feels hope.

For the first time since he was told he was a mater and he knew his life was no longer his he feels free to dream.

For the first time as long as he could remember… Yuri is truly and unabashedly happy.


	28. Victor, knowing

Victor makes his way on the arch's ledge, fifty feet above the water. His bare feet thread carefully on the sharp edges of rock, trying not cut himself or fall. He watches below as a large school of fish approaches. Waits until it's right below him before he jumps. The ocean comes fast at him. Victor presses his arms to his sides and holds his breath as his body breaks the surface. The ocean become unsettled from the impact. The school of fish dispersing into different directions all around him.

He watches Yuri appear from his hiding spot. Using the chaos to his advantage and snatch as many fish as he can with quick deadly moves.

Victor stays below, holding his breath as long as he can. Watching in fascination as Yuri hunts. As Yuri stops with an armful of fish and smiles as he closes the space between them. Victor holds on to Yuri's arm as he swims by and together they reach the surface.

Above the sun is new and a day has started.

* * *

Yuri drowns in the warmth.

His entire body arches up as droplets of sweat and water drip down his body.

He sinks down. The head of Victor's cock pushes inside him. "Ah—"

"Fuck, Yuri…" Victor presses his lips against the natare's chest, next to his nipple. "You're still soaking wet, I don't know if I can hold you up, I'll go inside you too fast."

"Isn't that fine?" Yuri tilts his head down, fingers digging into his aman's shoulders.

Victor groans. "You're going to kill me, love."

Yuri sinks lower, pulling his aman deeper inside him as their noses brush. As their lips meet and hunger. Victor manages to hold him despite the soaking skin, despite the friction. Yuri moves first, pulling himself up slightly to sink back down as hands roam, grab, and hold. As soft pants become louder.

"Hold me close." The natare gasps against Victor's lips. The human's grip tightens around the spot where skin and fin meet, pulling him closer, pushing deeper inside him, until teeth find his shoulder and Yuri feels his mate's need spilling deep inside him.

Their hearts beat in unison. Victor doesn't let go.

Yuri rubs his nose against his mate's neck, Victor's cock pulses inside him with each small movement.

He holds on as tight and long as he can.

Outside the sun has already set and another day is gone.

* * *

Victor kisses Yuri's neck with soft lingering presses, fingertips feeling the soft pulse of a heartbeat beneath the skin. He's careful not to wake his sleeping beauty. Treasuring every second that passes.

The world was such madness.

A month ago he was considering retirement. His inspiration and love depleted by the loss of his mother. The heartache was still fresh from her sudden passing. From the moment he'd heard from the accident. From being by her side holding her hand until she was gone.

'Move on', his father had said the day after they buried her. 'Move on," he said the day they started putting her things in boxes. He wasn't even allowed to mourn. Strong Russian men just didn't grieve the loss of a loved one. They moved on.

He always had a strenuous relationship with his father. His mother the fine line that kept them in a balanced existence. His father would never understand what her loss meant to Victor. She had been the one to take him to every practice at the crack of dawn. The one to support him when others mocked him for wanting to dance. She'd been the one present at every show in sad little theaters with no reputation. She was the one front and center at opening night in the The Bolshoi Theatre.

Dancing meant life.

When he danced the world faded and only the music existed.

When he danced the voices murmuring and hundreds of eyes watching disappeared.

When he danced It was just him, the lights, and the surface that he brushed with his feet.

Dance meant love.

When he finished the roar of the crowd overtook his every sense and heart. When the curtains closed the happiness of his family overwhelmed him with affection.

Without his mother he would have never known this life. He would have never known this love.

So when he felt her warmth fade as he held her hand, his life and love went along with her. His passion to dance lost to the void. His feet falling on empty rhythms on the stage. He just didn't have it in him to keep dancing. As a result he canceled sold out shows. Hid away from the world. Not even Yakov and Mila had been able to pull him out of the void. Their visits becoming less frequent as the days went by.

It had been his father's idea for him to travel. The one to make arrangements behind his back and make promises under his name. To board a steamship under an exclusive contract. World famous dancer Victor Nikiforov giving a private performance to sponsors that could afford him. His father tried selling him on the glamour of cruising and the opportunity to see the world, but Victor had refused until Yakov and Mila convinced him to go and promised to accompany him.

The SS Naronic was a vessel that was anything but glamorous. It was a cargo ship with capacity to carry passengers. Victor's sponsor, a rich American merchant, was able to secure the entire passenger portion of the midsize vessel for his personal whims. At first Victor was convinced he had made a mistake. But as the days went by and the distance grew between and his motherland, the weight started to lift. The sorrow started to be less painful. The night he danced again, he could almost feel the music inside him again. He felt the heart that had been missing all this time.

And then it sank…

The waves crash outside the cave. Yuri's chest rises and falls as he takes soft breaths. His skin tepid as tepid as Victor gently places his palm on his stomach.

If he had never boarded that vessel he'd probably be sitting alone in his home right now. Alone drowning in memories. If he had never gotten on that vessel Mila and Yakov would still be alive. If he had never boarded that vessel he'd had never met Yuri.

A splash of water catches Victor's attention. Yuri's tail dips in the water as the natare wakes from his pleasant slumber. "Is the sun out already?" He asks as he rolls closer to Victor.

"Almost," Victor answers, unable to resist running his fingers through the dark locks.

"My skin is dry," Yuri mentions and rolls back until he falls in the pool. Victor closes the space immediately, hand dipping in the water so he can rub Yuri's cheek. "Did you sleep well?"

"My back hurts a little, but I'm ok." Yuri leans towards the touch, eyes closing as Victor's fingertips graze his skin.

The moment is fleeting. Victor wishes it would last forever. But it doesn't. Yuri's skin leaves his touch. He moves away in the water and looks at the world beyond the cave.

Today is the fifth day.

Today Yuri leaves.

Victor still wasn't entirely sure why Yuri couldn't stay. His little fish had been vague and scared whenever the topic came about. All he really knew was that if Yuri didn't return both their lives were in danger. A danger he still couldn't quite grasp. He did not fear what Yuri was, never had to be honest. Yet he understood that the way Yuri saw him wasn't how other natare would see him. To others like Yuri he was something to kill or destroy on sight.

"I'll hunt us some food," Yuri speaks softly, pushing himself from the edge and makes his way to the barrier, breaking the contact between them.

Victor's heart suddenly fills with fright. He can't forget that night. Can't forget the sight of Yuri disappearing into the darkness. He uses his legs to push himself into the pool and enclosed Yuri in his arms. "Don't leave," he whispers in his little fish's ear. "Stay with me."

The natare's skin prickles and warms beneath his touch. His voice trembles and falls. "Victor… you know I have to."

Victor holds on tighter, lips against the back of Yuri's neck. "You can get us breakfast if you want. Just come back and never leave. I don't want you to ever leave."

"I can't." Yuri's voice shudders. "I can't." It cracks.

"I don't care about your nest. I don't care if they want to kill me. Let them come and find us. Whatever they want, whatever they told you to do, we can face it together."

Yuri stiffens instantly, Victor can almost feel the fear travel across his beloved's spine. Yuri shivers, hands leaving the water so he can hide his face behind them. Victor asks what's wrong, but Yuri doesn't speak, just shakes and cries.

At first Victor doesn't know what to do. He tries his best to comfort, tries his best to calm, but his words remain unheard. His beloved little fish just weeps and breaks in his arms.

Why is he always saying the wrong things? Why does he hurt his heart so?

"Please..." When did his own voice start shaking too? "Yuri, please… I'm sorry. " He repeats kind words until his voice is sore. But nothing he says quells the cries of his little fish. Nothing he does stops the quivers. Of the knowledge of what's to come. Of the farewell that's inevitable.

All he can do is wait. All he can do is be there and hold Yuri until the shaking stops and the sobs end.

Victor is not aware of the passing of time. He finds a corner in the pool to rest and hold Yuri in his arms. Wipes the natare's tears away as they fall. Kisses his brow again and again as he waits. Waits until Yuri is ready. Waits until Yuri finally speaks.

"I have a close friend." Yuri's words are shaken still. "A very good friend. His name is Takeshi." He rests his head on Victor's shoulder. "He's been my friend since we were little." His body curls around his aman's body, itching for warmth. "My family died a few years ago. Did I tell you that?" his eyes glance up. Victor watches silently, listening to every word. "My mom and sister we're killed in accident. My dad was so sad. He was very very sad. So sad he forgot I was there. So sad he stopped eating. He stopped everything and then he died. Cause that's what happens to true mates in my nest. They can't live without the other. They die without the other." Yuri gets even closer. "Takeshi became my family after they were gone, he and Yuko where there for me. We spent all our time together. They care about me a lot you know?" Victor nods. Yuri nuzzles against his neck. "Takeshi followed me here. The first night we slept in the cave. He saw you. He saw us. And I—" Victor is ready this time when the shaking starts. "I was so scared." He's ready when Yuri's voice breaks. "The first thing I thought was that he had killed you. Because that's what we're supposed to do. That's what my kind is trained from birth to do. Kill humans on sight so we remain in the dark. So we are never found." Victor knows. He nods. Yuri takes a deep breath. "We have to remain in the dark." And another as the shaking slowly calms. "I'm not making sense anymore am I?"

Victor rubs Yuri's neck and cheek gently. Pulls him closer, hands drifting across his skin. "I'm following. Tell me everything."

"Takeshi said he would kill you if I came back to see you. That's why I had to say goodbye that night. No one knows I'm here right now. They all think I'm with my assigned mate Jean. If I don't come back they'll know I left. Jean knows. Takeshi will know. They will figure it out and it won't be long before the entire nest knows. And if my family can be so heartless to tell me that they are willing to kill you. Then it's too frightening to think what the rest of my nest will do. That's why," He pulls slightly back. "That's why I have some time to hunt, but then I must leave."

A large wave crashes against the cave's entrance, claiming the natare's attention for a brief second. Victor watches as Yuri watches with frightened eyes at the world away from him, and he suddenly understands. Every smile Yuri makes hides his fear. Every laugh Yuri voices hides his fright. Victor has been pretending everything will work out. That no matter what things will go their way.

Victor can't pretend any longer.

"Yuri." He says his beloved's name.

The natare turns around. His eyes shine with tears. "I must leave and I don't know if I will ever come back."

Victor looks around for a moment. The lump on his throat is heavy and fast.

All he can do is listen as Yuri tries. "I'll try to come back. I promise. I wish I could stay more than the world, but I can't stay if it means you could die. We didn't have much time together, but what little it was I will cherish forever."

Another wave crashes.

Their time is up.

This was goodbye.

Victor reaches Yuri in the pool. Holds his face firmly so there is are no regrets. He feels the tears escape his own eyes. "I would exchange one hundred years of not knowing you for one day of a life with you. Whatever you decide I will be here. If you want to run away until they hunt us down. Or if we have to go back to our own worlds and promise to keep each other in our hearts. Whatever you decide I will follow."

Life or death.

Yuri hands find Victor's hands. Fingers closing together and tightening as he holds on to his aman.

"If a sorrowful life without you means you will live. Then I will choose that a thousand times. As long as we both breathe we can come back here. We can meet again. We can remember each other. But if we're gone— If we're gone we'll have nothing."

Victor closes the space between them. Holds Yuri so tight he knows both will remember this moment no matter what. He doesn't want to let go. He doesn't want to say goodbye. If it were up to him he would run, he would fight. But he can't run in Yuri's world. He can't fight while he's trapped here.

They watch each other for a minute. Watch the small twitches and flickers on each other's faces. Victor takes Yuri's hand and draws circles on each knuckle. Yuri moves. He drags Victor to the center of the pool. Tail curling around Victor's body as mates do. Victor's feet brush against the bottom, the water slowing him slightly as he pulls Yuri close. Hand on hand. Hand on hip. Yuri looks at him with uncertainty for a moment as Victor starts dancing. Leading Yuri along as he moves around the pool. They dance together in the water. Victor's feet shuffling across the bottom of the floor. Yuri swinging his tail against the water.

Victor places lingering kisses all over Yuri's skin as they move. As they follow the music in their hearts and the rhythm of the ocean.

Yuri smiles every time Victor's lips touch his skin. Returning the kisses with some of his own. His lips warm on Victor's palms. Laughing together as if the sorrow has vanished.

At the end of the dance they part.

As Victor finds his life and love again and lets it go.

A large wave crashes against the entrance pushing water into the pool. Victor grabs Yuri as the water shifts them around. Using its lull to bring them together once more.

The natare nuzzles into his arms. "We still have some time. I don't have to go yet. Not yet."

"Then…" Victor softly presses fingers on Yuri's face, tilting his chin up, lips searching and needy. Creating a moment between them. A memory. "For the time we have left stay by my side."

Yuri arches towards the touches and pulls Victor to him slowly. Hand in hand. Palm to palm. Moving together in unison.

The dance is slow this time. Victor memorizes every touch, every movement, every time Yuri's pupils widened as they meet his eyes. He wasn't lying when he said he would exchange a lifetime for this moment. He wouldn't hesitate to exchange the world for one more day with Yuri.

But it didn't matter how much money he had. It didn't matter his influence in the world. As long as he was trapped here he would not even survive. As long as they were both here, they had no future.

Yuri's voice brings him back from his thoughts. Gives him a look that Victor has grown to know well in the last few days. Their mouths meet gently over and over. The natare's warmth breath hovers over Victor's lips as he speaks words that cement the memory forever in Victor's heart. "For the time we have left. Look only at me," before pulling him into a deep kiss and dragging him beneath the surface.

* * *

Yuri's heart is in chaos.

His world shivers and shakes.

When Victor kisses him beneath the water it feels like coming home. When Victor brings him close and pushes inside him, it feels like he is whole. He watches the bubbles float to the surface and break, the air leaving his aman's lungs. He takes a deep breath, let's himself fill his body with breath, taking it and giving it to Victor when their mouths meet. The weightlessness of the sea swaddles them as one. Their mouths rarely part, their bodies claiming each other like they've done many times before. And when Victor's teeth find his skin and he feels the warmth fill inside him, Yuri's heart finally calms and accepts the world as it was.

* * *

The sun sits almost at the center of the sky.

Yuri is late. His time is already up.

"If a boat comes. I'll leave this in the center of the pool." Victor places the seashell next to him by the barriers edge. His legs soak in the water as Yuri nestles between them. Head resting on Victor's thigh, nodding listlessly at the words that are spoken, his back to the sea beyond.

"I'll remember this place. I'll come back I swear."

Yuri nods.

"So please keep coming back as well."

Yuri nods again.

The moment is heavy. Yuri feels like sinking down in the deep and taking Victor with him. He wants to say no. Convince Victor to wait for him here no matter how long he was gone… but he can't. Deep in his heart he knows that stuck in this place, his human would die. If only he didn't have to return to the nest. If only it weren't for the reunion.

The reunion of maters after the five mating days was to ensure new mated pairs conceived fry. The day the five days end — today — all the maters are relocated to the nursing caves. It's tradition. He can't miss it.

The reunion of maters has always been a secret. Yuri wasn't sure on the details of the tradition. Only that it happened every mating season. He isn't even certain how many days the reunion would last. He wishes he knew. He wishes he could tell Victor exactly how long he would be gone.

Six days. Twenty days. Forty or more...

He imagines coming back too late. He imagines years and years of searching for his aman. Years of waiting and finding an empty island. He'll end up having fry with Jean. Jean is his official mate. Mates are supposed to have fry. Mates that don't have fry… that doesn't happen. It has never happened. Sooner or later he will have to carry Jean's fry, and once he does he will be forbidden to leave the nest. He'll be a parent responsible for his children. He won't be able to come back.

Fingers push gently against his skin.

This will probably be the last time he would be with Victor. The last time he would be able to swim beside him. Touch him and kiss him… These are the last moments before his heart broke.

It hurt terribly, but he knew it was going to end this way. He knew when he decided to escape. He knew whatever time they had was borrowed. That this chance was to create a better ending than the one before. One where they both leave with hope.

He straightens up and starts moving away from the human. He's lingered long enough. They have said their goodbyes already.

Victor's suddenly reaches out and grabs his left hand. Fingers curling between fingers. Creating a final connection between them. He squeezes. "I wanted to tell you something before you left." Yuri tilts his head just enough to meet Victor's eyes. "But I'm afraid if I tell you I really won't see you again."

"Human words?" Yuri wonders, curious.

Victor nods. "Human words. Natare words. They might be the same…" He smiles sadly. "I'll tell you when we see each other again." Victor reaches down and kisses him as they slowly part.

He drinks it all. Specially the warmth as they let go.

"I'll come back quickly." Yuri lies.

"I'll wait here." Victor lies.

Yuri braces for a hard wave that crashes into his back, before turning around and facing the open blue. Don't look back. Don't look back.

Another wave pushes him back towards the cave. He glances back. He can still see Victor in the shade.

"Remember me!" Yuri doesn't lie.

"Even if I live a hundred years!" Victor doesn't either.

Yuri accepts it all and turns around one final time.

The sun centers on the sky as he dives below.

Don't look back. Don't look back.

Inside the cave. Victor cries.


	29. Yuri, warm

The journey back feels endless. The currents fight against him, as if they are telling he's going the wrong way. Yuri trudges forward either way, he's already late.

He hears no voices as he squeezes back into the nest, manages to hide himself for the few roaming guards doing their early rounds.

The first voices he hears are of the triplets as he reaches his cluster. He stares for a second at the entrance of Yuko and Takashi's cave, only to turn toward his own and swim in.

"Yuri!"

The natare jumps slightly at the sound of his name. Only to be hugged tightly by a flustered Isabella. "You made it!"

"Told you we could count on him," JJ says with pretend confidence, Yuri can tell the younger natare had been worried. "Yuko stopped by earlier today, she came to collect you for the mater reunion. I told her you were still resting in the back chamber and will wake you up soon."

Yuri glances at the caves entrance. He'd barely made it then. Barely…

"Did Isabella spend the five days here?" Yuri asks cautiously. He didn't want to intrude on their privacy, but at the same time he felt he needed to know as much as to what had transpired in the days he was gone.

"Yes!" JJ pipes up excitedly. "It was great! We—" Isabella elbows him on the ribs before he can continue.

"We became a bonded pair," Isabella says quietly. "I hope you don't mind… as JJ's official mate..."

"No," Yuri shakes his head. "I'm happy you're happy. That we all can be with our mates." Even if it was only for a short while.

How long could they get away with this ruse? How long could he stay mated without fry? How long until the elders started asking questions? Would he even be able to leave to see Victor again?

"Speaking of," JJ cuts in. "Did you find your mate?"

Yuri feels his body warm just by thinking of Victor. He nods, words unable to leave his throat.

The small moment of happiness ends quickly, and Yuri feels the threat of tears on the corners of his eyes. "The reunion of maters?" he manages to say without stumbling. "When does it start?"

"Yuko said in an hour when she stopped by." Isabella answered. "That was almost thirty minutes ago."

"Not much time..." Yuri drops his hands to his side.

"Do you know what happens at the reunion?"

JJ purses his lip. "Not really." The mater reunion has always been exclusive for maters and the nursing cave staff. Did you ever ask Yuko about it?"

Yuri shakes his head.

"Mmmm," JJ crosses his arms in thought. "All I really know is that it's a very old tradition. Ancient. I remember my mother getting all excited about it so it must not be bad. The one thing that I do know that isn't exactly nest knowledge is that the reunion happens because maters were not allowed to choose mates generations ago."

"So us?" Yuri says, keeping his hands in front of him.

"I guess…" JJ purses his lips. "Never thought about it, was too excited when I realized I could be with Bella." He grins completely carefree. Yuri feels a tinge of jealousy to be so free of worried. To be free of the constant onslaught of thoughts.

Isabella fidgets next to JJ. She doesn't share her mate's calm.

"I should get going then," Yuri stares at the pair, he's sure his eyes show something, but he smiles anyway and turns to leave.

"Let us know how it goes ok?" Isabella says before he exits. Yuri spares her a glance. She holds her hands tightly in front of her and when they make eye contact she rushes forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him tight. "We're your family now. All of us."

Yuri feels as her words break ever so slightly. "Even when I have to bear JJ's fry?" he can't help but ask.

She blinks tears and nods. "Even so. We'll be a family."

Yuri feels a slight comfort at her words. It sounded like a nice future, even if it wasn't the one he wanted. Even if it cemented his life without Victor.

Isabella releases him.

He swallows the knot in his throat and leaves the cluster knowing he can no longer linger. Towards the nursing caves and the reunion of maters.

* * *

Yuri decides to take the long way to the nursing caves. To delay the inevitable for as long as he could.

If JJ was right, and the reunion of maters was an old tradition started only because at one point maters were not allowed to choose, then why had the tradition been kept? What was the point of disrupting newly mated pairs trying to conceive? He could have gotten more days with Victor. He could have had enough time to take Victor someplace place, away from his nest and start a life just for them.

His thoughts are disrupted by the sound of something breaking. Yuri rushes to the sound coming from the storage caves. When he enters he finds a young fingerling smashing a human vase against the rock.

"Yurio." Yuri calls out, but the fingerling ignores him, grabbing yet another vase and smashing it. "Hey! Yuri reaches Yurio and saves a small dark vase from his fury. "Destroying items is forbidden. You could be forced to a dark cluster."

"So what! Who the fuck cares! What's the point of keeping all of these things if all that matters is the nest!"

Yuri waits for the tirade to end. Waits until all that was left was the young natare's shaky breathing and the reassurance of silence outside the cave.

Yurio lumps on the floor. He stares at the pile of broken vases as if mesmerized.

"I was going to be a monitor." The fingerling's shaky voice is barely audible. He takes a slow breath and pulls his tail close to his chest. "I was going to go out there and search for my parents."

"You still can."

"No I can't!" Yurio slams his hand against broken pieces on the floor. "Grandfather ordered the sixteen fingerlings in the nest to be tested today regardless of age…" he growls a bit.

"Even the untried ones?" Yuri asks in disbelief. Untried fingerlings are five years away from participating in the mater ceremony. Some natare still considered them fry. They were far too young.

Yurio nods. "The elders want to know how many will be maters."

"How many?"

"Two." Yurio bites out. "Only two…"

Yuri spots tears in the fingerlings eyes as a small piece shatters in his hands. "You." The older natare realizes. "You are one of the two."

"I am forbidden to leave the nest." Yurio stares at the blood in his hands. "I have a year to find a mate or my grandfather will choose one for me. He said I need to set an example of the sacrifices we must all make to make sure of our survival."

Yuri closes the space between them, grabs the fingerlings hand carefully to check the wound. He grabs the supply box Takeshi keeps in the monitor cave and takes a piece of cloth to wrap Yurio's hand in. He has no idea what to say to the young natare. Being a mater had always been a status surrounded by pride. Like being chosen for something divine. To be the carriers of the future, to bear the children of the nest.

Yuri had been so happy when they told him he was one. So full of pride. A happiness that became a burden after he lost his family. When he stopped being simply Yuri, and became Yuri, the mater. Yuri, the orphaned mater. And all the pity the nest had to offer fell on his shoulders. Until all he wanted was to escape. All he wanted was to not be Yuri, the mater anymore and fought to become Yuri, the monitor.

It was different for Yurio. True that Yuri knew little about Yurio who wanted to see the world and find his parents. For Yurio, being a mater meant imprisonment for life. It was his dreams disappearing in order to fulfill his duty to his nest as grandchild of an elder.

It was unfair. It had been unfair for a long time now.

And the unfortunate truth was, that Yuri could do nothing to ease the fingerlings suffering, except sit quietly next him and wait until Yurio's tears stopped falling.

* * *

Yuri was late for the reunion of maters. Escorting Yurio back to the fingerling's cluster had taken time he didn't have, but he wouldn't have done it differently. If he didn't aid the fingerling when he needed him, he would have regretted it.

The nursing caves appeared empty when he arrived, but he quickly heard the soft voices of conversation as they grouped together in one of the rooms. Not sure where else to go, Yuri followed the voices, finding Sara and Michele engaged in an excited conversation.

"Yuri!" Sara interrupted her brother in mid-sentence. She swam to Yuri's side, her smile wide as she hugged him. "Yuko just left to look for you. You didn't cross paths?"

"No," Yuri shakes his head. "I didn't use the main cavern." He wondered if the other maters knew of the testing of the fingerlings. That two new maters had been discovered.

"She seems a bit frazzled you weren't here yet."

"I heard…" Yuri looks around the room. "Where's Guang-Hong?"

"He's with the elder, doing his checkup." Michele said as he picked on one of his nails. "She asked for you, but you weren't here and Guang-Hong was so nervous she decided to see him first."

"Elder?" Yuri asks.

Sara nods. "Elder Lilia used to be head of the nursing caves. She always tends to the maters at the reunion."

"Do you know much about the reunion?" Yuri asks.

Sara brightens. Her tail swishing vividly. "My mother told me a little. She spoke fondly of it, with great pride."

"Pride?" Yuri feels like the walls of the room are closing in and is suddenly overwhelmed with dread. With the feeling this is not the place he should be. Something was different from before. Something had changed in just a few days.

Yuri knew what it was. That Victor wasn't' here. That Victor would never be here. He felt it everywhere. Deep in his core. This wasn't home. Victor was home.

"Guang-Hong!" Sara announces the young mater's return excitedly. The young mater's cheeks appear to burn. His hands locked together in front of him as his tail twitches nervously. Sara starts approaching the entrance to meet him, but her swim and enthusiasm hastily vanishes when Lilia appears.

"Mater Yuri, you are late." the words are softly spoken, with a hint of disapproval.

"My apologies, elder Lilia." Yuri bows slightly, keeping his hands tucked behind him.

"Follow me. The oldest mater always goes first."

Yuri follows without looking at Sara or Michele. When he passes Guang-Hong, the young mater has a soft smile on his lips and he just looked happy, very happy.

They reach one of the nursing caves in the back. The largest one usually saved for the elders.

"Did you fulfill your duties to this nest and mated with your assigned mate?"

Yuri is taken aback by the sudden question, but pushes the shock down and answers. "Yes."

Lilia points to the tending rock and Yuri sits, forcing to keep his tail still.

"How many times did you join with your mate?"

Yuri blinks and tries to count in his head. He feels the tinge of awkwardness spread. He really had no idea. A lot. It's all jumbled in feverish memories of Victor and more Victor. It sometimes felt they did nothing else for all those days. "I don't recall… Many times."

There is no reaction from Lilia.

"Did you mate mistreat you in any way?"

"What?"

The female elder purses her lips. "Alain's son didn't seem to grateful for the opportunity to have a mater. His reaction brought some concern among the elders. Part of the mater reunion is to ensure that mater's have good mates. That those mates do not overstep their boundaries and abuse their mate."

"He did not mistreat me." Yuri is careful. He feels he has to be. Knows he has to be.

"Did Jean-Jacques bring a natare called Isabella into your nest?"

His lips tremble. He doesn't know the right answer. Is there even one?

"Yes." He doesn't lie. He can't. "She asked to live in the nest with us."

Lilia's brows come down in a hard frown. "That is unacceptable. Jean-Jacques is your mate and there should be no one else living with you in your nest. I'll have to talk with Nikolai—"

"I said she could." Yuri stops her words. "I gave her permission." He knows if he doesn't say something, things would break more than they already were. He could end up with a new mate. One that doesn't understand like JJ does. Someone that doesn't help him like JJ did. Lilia opens her mouth, but Yuri continues before she can voice her disapproval once more. "She was there for a little while before the mating season began. She asked if I needed anything. If I was hungry." The memory is kind in his mind. "Do you know how long it has been since someone asked me that? Since someone was in my cave and wanted to stay?"

"Mater Yuri…"

"So I told her she could. That the three of us could live together and raise JJ's fry. Our fry…"

"That's enough, mater Yuri." Lilia's places her hand on Yuri's shoulder. Stealing his thoughts away. "No need to get distressed."

Yuri feels his breath shakes ever so slightly. Feels reassured that he has done his best to keep secret what belonged to him.

"Please lie on the bedrock." Lilia commands. "I will begin your health check." Yuri looks up at the elder, but does as he's told.

The bedrock feels stiff on his back. Harder than the dry rock in he and Victor's cave.

Elder Lilia's hands are firm, but careful at the same time as they touch him. "Your skin is warm, this is a good sign."

Yuri resisted frowning and tries not to squirm under the touch. He'd had many health checks before, but this felt different, invasive. He remains still, fingers clenching against the examination.

"Your penis did not extend during mating," Lilia says mechanically. "You were very receptive to your mate then. Good, I've only ever seen that happen in aman bonds. Elder Nikolai will be pleased he chose Alain's son as your mate."

Yuri closed his eyes trying to tune out the words. He didn't want to hear any of it. This was the reunion of maters? To throw newly mated maters into an invasive examination and ask them details of the bonding with their mates? It was horrible. This nest was horrible. It wasn't the nest he grew up in. The nest his father and mother so dearly loved. This wasn't home. He didn't belong here. Home was Victor and their cave, and their island.

Yuri shut his eyes and feels tears burn as his slit is spread open. He bites his lip and thinks of nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Until the elder moves away from him. Until she tells him to sit up.

"Your nest is so proud of you, Yuri." He words feel like stings on his skin. "A mater that proved he could be a monitor, only to come back to fulfill his duty to this nest."

"Your family would have been so proud."

Yuri snaps his head up, images of his mother, father, and sister striking him hard. His family would have never brought this upon him. His family would have been by his side, supporting him when he told them about Victor. They would have met his human, known he was a good human, a good mate. They would have done everything in their power for Yuri to have the life he wanted with Victor. Not here in this nest. Not here in this cave.

But his family was dead.

Yuri was alone in the world.

Lilia's smile was broad.

"Congratulations, mater Yuri. You're expecting fry."


End file.
